Preamble: Hello there and welcome to England's first proper Test of the Autumn internationals. By "proper Test", I of course mean Test that we have covered as a minute-by-minute, the true test of the importance of a sporting event. What can we expect today? England's young team to prove themselves worthy of competing with the best, of course. Or, perhaps, England's young team to prove themselves out of their depth. No one really seems too sure, and I'm not the man settle the debate one way or another I'm afraid.

Teams: England make two changes from last weekend's side bringing in Tom Palmer and This Morning's Phil Vickery. Meaning that the teams look like this:

England: D Armitage (London Irish); P Sackey (Wasps), J Noon (Newcastle), R Flutey (Wasps), U Monye (Harlequins); D Cipriani (Wasps), D Care (Harlequins); A Sheridan (Sale Sharks), L Mears (Bath), P Vickery (Wasps), S Borthwick (Saracens, capt), T Palmer (Wasps), T Croft (Leicester), T Rees (Wasps), N Easter (Harlequins).
Replacements: D Hartley (Northampton), M Stevens (Bath), S Shaw (Wasps), J Haskell (Wasps), M Lipman (Bath), H Ellis (Leicester), T Flood (Leicester).

Australia: A Ashley-Cooper (ACT Brumbies); P Hynes (Queensland Reds), R Cross (Western Force), S Mortlock (ACT Brumbies, capt), D Mitchell (Western Force); M Giteau (Western Force), L Burgess (NSW Waratahs); B Robinson (NSW Waratahs), S Moore (Queensland Reds), A Baxter (NSW Waratahs), M Chisholm (ACT Brumbies), N Sharpe (Western Force), H McMeniman (Queensland Reds), G Smith (ACT Brumbies), R Brown (Western Force).
Replacements: T Polota-Nau (NSW Waratahs), M Dunning (NSW Waratahs), D Mumm (NSW Waratahs), W Palu (NSW Waratahs), S Cordingley (Queensland Reds), Q Cooper (Queensland Reds), D Ioane (Queensland Reds).

My prediction: England 17-10 Australia. And the bookies agree with me - unimaginative souls that they are – placing England at 8-11 and Australia 11-10. I could get 6-4 on England with my six point handicap, my colleague Evan Fanning tells me. But I don't really know what that means as I find gambling scary and potentially expensive.

We are go: For a brief moment I thought I couldn't get the England game on my TV and we would be spending the afternoon following Scotland v South Africa. But worry not, I've found it. Or at least I've found a montage of Danny Cipriani running and diving set to Faithless, which I presume is what counts for big match build-up these days.

First email of the day: "I'm a kiwi so I want both teams to lose," writes Tony Scott hopefully. "I pick Australia to win 24-17." Evan Fannning will give you 2-1 on that Tony.

Jingoism alert: Sky aren't slow to point out that England have beaten Australia in the last two World Cups. What does this mean for today's game? If I tell you that only four England players and six Australian's remain from last year's World Cup game then you may realise the answer is more or less "nothing".

The home of rugby: Since Martin Johnson retired England have won only 40% of their matches at Twickenham. In other news, I once saw the Rolling Stones at Twickenham, supported by Starsaillor of all people. But that is a story for another day.

He doesn't just like football and cricket: "In the splendid company of theguardian.com's very own West End Girl [Carrie Dunn], it was my pleasure to attend the National Theatre yesterday to hear Mike Brearley expound on the Oedipus Complex," writes Big Blogger's Gary Naylor. " Please don't take this negatively (Brearley was at pains to point out that the complex is not a pathology) but the Great Man's talk set me thinking about whether Australia carry a collective Oedipus complex in their desire to slay their ex-colonial father, England. It sounds far-fetched, until one considers the characters of DR Jardine and DG Bradman and the extraordinary focus any Australian team brings to bear when faced by an English foe, which leads to Australia's phenomenal win-loss record against England at anything. Or maybe the Aussies just grow-up outdoors." Anyone else want to field that one? I'm out of my depth.

Please take your seats, kick off is almost upon us: Those who complain that people are slow to take their seats at Wembley should see how many empty seats there are at Twickenham with five minutes to go until kick off.

Stirling Mortlock leads out the Aussies and they gather round for a chat while England still loiter in the tunnel. Out come England now and they too have a last minute team talk while the music from Sky Sports News booms out of the PA at Twickenham. Bring on the national anthems.

And we're away: The anthems dealt with, Australia get us underway, kicking from right to left. One final prediction, Michael Bourke writes from Brisbane to say he thinks it'll be "Australia by 12 points." That'll be the Oedipus Complex kicking in.

2 mins: England knock on and Australia get the first scrum, which collapses like an England middle order (arf). And again. Come on guys, we can do this. No, we can't. It collapses for a third time and Australia get the free kick.

England 0-3 Australia (Giteau pen 3 min) Tom Rees goes over and it is a penalty to Australia, pretty centrally and from 36 metres. Straight through the posts from Giteau and that isn't quite the start England wanted.

England 0-6 Australia (Giteau pen 5 min) Australia line out on England's 22. Another error as the ball drops and Borthwick knocks on, allowing a chance for another pretty simple penalty for Giteau, who chips it over from the left. Simple mistakes are costing England already.

8 min: England try and put something together for the first time, stringing together a couple of passes. It doesn't come to anything, but then it doesn't lead to an Australian penalty so I suppose that's progress.

10 min: Australia's line out being tested early on here on their own 22. They go long and it misses everyone, bobbles and up into the hands of Giteau, who charges through the England line. Bursting away he tries to lay it off to Mortlock but, luckily for England, it doesn't find its man. This is a nervy start from England.

12 min: "England as colonial daddy I can understand but who is the mum?" Asks Ian Copestake. "The Aussies are meant to be sleeping with? Is this how one explains the continued popularity of the British monarch down under?" England not moving the ball around with any urgency as they try and generate something. They earn a penalty though and Danny Cipriani has a chance to get England away.

16 min: England are really not putting any pressure on Australia in these early stages, whenever the ball breaks down they are coming off second best.

18 min: Easter squanders the ball and Australia break from their own half but Tom Croft comes to his rescue with an important tackle. At the moment this doesn't look the close fight we were expecting.

England 3-6 Australia (Armitage drop goal 20 min) Brilliant run from Cipriani, receiving the ball from a ruck, faking a pass and gliding through the Australian defence. It is worked out wide and Lee Mears is sadly on the end of it and cannot quite get to the line before being shepherded off the pitch. The Australian line out leads to a clearance but Armitage picks up the ball about 40 meters out and drives a wonderful drop kick through the posts. That's more like it.

23 min More scrum problems. How difficult can it be? I was able to scrummage in year eight at secondary school.

England 3-9 Australia (Giteau pen 26 min) Australia pressure England and get themselves a penalty as Phil Vickery sticks a foot through the ruck. This should be simple, just right of the posts and on the 22. It is simple and Australia are six clear again.

England 3-12 Australia (Giteau pen 29) A great kick into the corner is chased down quickly by the Australians, who earn a scrum deep in England territory. They work the ball across the pitch but England's defence holds up pretty well, until, unsurprisingly, another penalty is conceded in a simple position. I honestly think I could have kicked Giteau's four penalties today. Which he has just done, this one from right of the posts on the 22.

33 min An Armitage kick falls loose and suddenly England have a break with Care. They drive to the line and it looks like Sheridan has dived in under the posts. It is referred to the video ref and it is not over. Fair enough. Scrum to England though.

England 8-12 Australia (Easter try 35 min) A collapsed scrum but England get the ball out second time around and work it right for the forwards to drive. Mears almost makes it and then Easter just about does, no one really knowing either way until the whistle is blown and arm raised. The less said about Cipriani's kick the better.

37 min "That music after the try is a bit undignified and unnecessary," writes Gary Naylor and he's right, it's a jovial dance-horn number with no artistic merit. What is this world coming to?

England 11-12 Australia (Cipriani pen 39 min) A chance for Cipriani to atone for two bad kicks, a penalty on the right from about 30 metres out. And that, my friends, is more like it, straight between the posts. England are suddenly right back in it.

Peep! Gah! Paul Sackey finds himself needlessly offside and it is another simple penalty for Giteau to chip over. But wait a minute, he sends it to the right of the posts and England escape as the half-time whistle is blown. Interesting stuff, you'd have to say England might be slight favourites now. See you in a bit, I'm putting the kettle on.

Here we go again: The players are back on the pitch and we are away, slightly before I was ready for it I have to admit.

41 min Another needless penalty given away by England. For once it is out of range for Giteau, still doesn't excuse the frankly tedious infringements from the English.

43 min Australia work the ball out wide through the backs and threaten to open England up before knocking on. Not the best of starts to the second half from England.

45 min Mortlock strides through the centre of the England defence, wading away from tackles like a man running through quicksand. Sackey finally brings him down before it is worked wide and Armitage is forced to save England with a last ditch tackle. All Australia here. "In reply to Mr Copestake," writes Gary Naylor. "I'd suggest that the mother in the England - Australia Oedipal triangle is the Australian public. As Punter Ponting is just the latest to discover, they can turn from love to something less than that quite quickly."

47 min: Delon Armitage isn't too shabby, I note seven days after everyone else. Cipriani breaks through the Australian defence for the second time, pulled down at the last by Ryan Cross. England press and Jamie Moon almost gets through on the right, but doesn't. Still England and Cipriani tries a drop goal and fails miserably, his kicking has been miserable today for all his exciting running play.

England 14-12 Australia (Cipriani pen 49 min) Another attempt at a drop goal from Cipriani and he puts it left of the posts but he will get a chance to make up with it with a penalty. He succeeds.

52 min Cipriani, who is involved in everything at the moment, clears up at the back when Care has a kick charged down. Has he done his ankle in in the process. He hobbles it off and Australia get a scrum on the England line which collapses. Penalty to Australia from wide on the right...

England 14-15 Australia (Giteau pen 54 min) ... which Giteau sends through the posts to reclaim the lead for Australia.

England 14-18 Australia (Giteau pen 57 min) A penalty to Australia for holding on this time. And it is dispatched straight through the posts again. I really should just copy that text onto my clipboard and paste it in with every subsequent needless penalty. "Have the two rugby codes merged since this morning," writes Ian Copestake. "As this game sounds exactly like the one England threw away against the NZers earlier."

60 min "Australia need to run. Enormous talent out wide," writes our man in Brisbane Michael Bourke. "Furious that we have a one hour delayed telecast but am very thankful for the guardian..." Why thank you, Michael. Though I would add that you seem to be doing ok with the kicking game at this moment.

62 min It's all gone a bit scrappy now. On another subject, why are England sporting such small numbers on the back of their shirts? Is it to make themselves look more physically imposing?

England 14-21 Australia (Mortlock pen 64 min) And scrappy turns into a penalty to Australia, I missed why I was checking my emails I'm afraid. Sorry. Mortlock hammers it from distance and it is straight down the middle, a excellent kick. Not looking good now for the English.

England 14-28 Australia (Ashley-Cooper try, Giteau conv 69 min) Ellis replaces Care for England. Vickery is back on for Sheridan. Australia press, a try now and that would be that. No? They drive at England under the posts and then work it wide to Ashley-Cooper who has space to pace over the line and dive full length into the corner for a try.

71 min Flutey weaves his way through the Australian defence, creating a little excitement for England. A little. Flood comes on for Cipriani, who had a very patchy game today.

73 min "Told you!" writes running rugby fan Michael Bourke a minute after his team have secured the game. He did as well.

74 min England are out of ideas here, Australia's defence standing firm against some pretty predictable waves of attack.

76 min Flood kicks into the corner from a penalty and England press at the Australian line but they can't break through, the ball is knocked on and Australia get the scrum. There can be no arguing with the result today.

78 min England work the ball left and right, with excellent hands from Sackey but they just don't have the ideas to break down this Australian defence.

Peep peep peep peep peeeeeeeep! That's it. England deserved nothing more than what they got today. Unforced errors, needless penalties and disorganised attacking play. Not quite the new dawn we were all hoping for then.

And that is that from Twickenham. Don't worry though, England will have another chance this time next week against South Africa. Cheers for your emails, bye.