A word about tonight's hosts: The 2005 Uefa Cup winners
go into tonight's match lying fourth in the Russian top flight, seven points off the pace set by league leaders Rubin Kazan - who are better than Barcelona - with just five games of the season to go.

Having fired Zico earlier this season (not literally, I hasten to add, seeing as we're talking about the team traditionally associated with the Russian army), CSKA are currently managed by Juande Ramos, a man who needs no introduction in the wake of spells in charge of Real Madrid, Tottenham and Sevilla, not to mention his starring role as Father Damien Karras in The Exorcist.

Федеральное государственное учреждение Министерства обороны Российской Федерации Центральный спортивный клуб Армии: Akinfeev, Semberas, Ignashevich, Alexei Berezutsky, Vasili Berezutsky, Odiah, Rahimic, Shchennikov, Krasic, Dzagoev, Necid.
Subs: Pomazan, Daniel Carvalho, Mamaev, Aldonin, Piliev, Oliseh, Grigoriev.

Manchester United: Van der Sar, Neville, Ferdinand, Vidic, Fabio Da Silva, O'Shea, Valencia, Scholes, Anderson, Nani, Berbatov.
Subs: Kuszczak, Brown, Owen, Carrick, Welbeck, Jonathan Evans, Macheda.

Sir Alex Ferguson has deigned to give an interview to Sky Sports! He concudes it by saying "Well done," to his inquisitor Geoff Shreeves, in that patronising way of his, presumably because Geoff lobbed the kind of interrogatory softballs that don't displease knights of the realm.

During the course of their chat, Fergie told Geoff that he's kept his players on British Summer Time in a bid to avoid them becoming jet-lagged as they go about their preparations for Sunday's Premier League match against Liverpool. It's an interesting team he's picked tonight, but not a hugely surprising one. Michael Carrick, Wayne Rooney, Patrick Evra, Darren Fletcher and Ryan Giggs have all been left at home, which is proof, if proof was needed, that Ferguson is prioritising Sunday's match over a game that isn't so much must-win as this doesn't-really-matter-if-we-don't-win.

This just in, from my colleague Tom Bryant: "Peter Schmeichel has launched a 'collection of jewellery, cufflinks, bracelets and necklets, specially designed for Manchester United fans' in collaboration with jewellery designers Dyrberg/Kern," he writes. "Very tasteful it is too."

Pre-match niceties: Click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, click-clack. Holding the hands of their allotted players, both sets of mascots march out on to the artificial grass of the Luzhniki Stadium and the Champions League music blares out over the tannoy. According to the commentators, it's not much colder in Moscow tonight than it was in Wigan last Sunday, which means it's probably around -30 degrees centigrade.

1 min: Manchester United line up playing in black shirts, white shorts and white socks, while their hosts are in their usual home strip of red shirts, blue shorts and blue socks. Nani and Valencia look set to patrol the touchlines in a bid to try and put the hurt on the CSKA full-backs, Aleskei Berezutski (twin brother of centre-half Vasili) and Chidi Odiah.

3 min: Not much to report so far. CSKA have lined up in a 4-4-1-1 formation, with Alan Dzagoev playing in the hole behind Tomas Necid.

4 min: A blunder from Nemanja Vidic gifts possession to CSKA on the edge of the Manchester United penalty area and the ball is pinged backwards to right midfielder, Milos Krasic. He surges forward, beats two men and blasts the ball high over the bar.

6 min: What with the Berezutski brothers and Fabio Da Silvo all playing tonight, I wonder if this is the first time three twins have lined up at the start of a Champions League match? Answers on a postcard, please.

7 min: Corner for CSKA. Nothing comes from it and Fabio hacks clear.

8 min: United attack, with John O'Shea and Gary Neville galloping down the right wing. Neville's cross is so wayward it gives me a chance to thank all of you who have written in to point out that Michael Carrick has not been left at home, he's on the bench.

11 min: Manchester United are doing well here without looking particularly threatening. They're keeping the ball on the deck, holding possession well and after a sustained bout of keep-ball they win a free-kick about 40 yards from the CSKA goal, which Anderson sends over the bar.

14 min: Anderson pings a long ball forward from deep, for Fabio to chase. The ball bounces on the artificial surface and practically stops dead, allowing the young Brazilian to square it from the left, but his team-mates are all conspicuous by their absence from the penalty area.

15 min: "Woud fake plastic trees grow on the Luzhniki pitch," asks Damien Neva. "I suppose only Thom Yorke could answer that." On the subject of things fake and plastic, Ben Carrdus has this to say: "For those of us nowhere near a telly right now, the worm's eye view of the pitch with which you have illustrated your report is informative. But what would a worm be doing on artificial turf?"

18 min: There are no shortage of empty seats in the Luzhniki Stadium, but those fans that have turned up are making plenty of noise. There are about 800 Manchester United fans sitting in the Gods high above the CSKA goal, among them sits a group of "Moscow Reds", whose flag is illustrated with a portrait of Eric Cantona.

20 min: Plenty of huff, puff and endeavour from both sides, but not much being created in the way of goalscoring opportunities. Krasic's shot in the fourth minute was the only effort to give the scoreboard operator anything to think about so far, but that was well wide.

23 min: Nani goes down under a challenge from Sergei Ignashevich, wide on the right about 30 yards out. From the ensuing free-kick, Anderson whips the ball past the wall and sees it bounce in front of the goalkeeper, Igor Akinfeev, who clutches it to his chest.

24 min: Paul Scholes tries a shot from distance that bounces in front of Akinfeev. The goalkeeper makes a meal out of what should have been a fairly straightforward save, clawing the ball over the bar - I have no idea whether that was down to the unpredictable bounce of the ball on an artificial pitch, goalkeeper ineptitude or a mixture of both.

28 min: In the Manchester United penalty area, CSKA striker Tomas Necid gets his head to an Aleskei Berezutski cross from the left, but his flick-on heads straight into the giant paws of Edwin van der Sar in the Manchester United goal.

30 min: Fabio is pumping long balls up in the general direction of Dimitar Berbatov, who's looking quite isolated up front. Neither Anderson nor Valencia are getting up in support of the Bulgarian, which means the CSKA defence are having an easy time of it.

32 min: "There's definitely something not right about playing on artificial turf," writes David Wall. "Any surface on which John O'Shea is able to back-heel-nutmeg someone doesn't mimic grass in any realistic way." A John O'Shea back-heel nutmeg? I must have missed that.

33 min: Fabio is left trailing in the wake of Milos Krasic, as the blond haired Serbian, who looks a bit like Hans Gruber's henchman in Die Hard, skins him down the right-hand side and shoots diagonally across the face of goal. Was it a shot or a cross? It's difficult to tell. But Edwin van der Sar had his angles covered and let the ball go wide safe in the knowledge that Alan Dzagoev wouldn't make up the necessary ground to poke it in at the far post.

37 min: Under pressure from Aleskei Berezutski, Nani squares the ball across the edge of the penalty area, where Anderson, standing with his back to goal, tees it up for the incoming Gary Neville. He tries a shot from distance that fizzes wide, but not by as much as you'd expect from a man who hasn't scored a goal for five years.

39 min: A very, very sloppy backpass from Nemanja Vidic almost lets Alan Dzagoev in, but Van Der Sar is alert enough to spare his Serbian colleague's blushes.

41 min: More pressure from CSKA, who win a free-kick wide on the right, about 35 yards from goal. Krasic whips the ball across the penalty area and Elvir Rahimic goes close at the near post. A corner for CSKA, from which nothing comes.

42 min: Re: footballing brothers: "I'm not sure about twins in the Champions League (6 mins), but if Jonny Evans' younger brother Corry makes the grade, it's entirely possible that United's future back four could be comprised of two sets of brothers," writes Tim Bailey. "The Evans boys in the centre and the cuddly Da Silva twins bombing down the flanks. Surely that'd be some sort of record, with the added bonus of being like a Roy of the Rovers storyline."

44 min: Antonio Valencia attacks down the right and crosses the ball to Berbatov, standing with his back to goal inside the penalty area. The Bulgarian had managed to roll his marker, but swiped at fresh air as he tried to swivel and steer the ball goalwards.

Half-time: The sides return to the dressing room for their half-time cup of tea and HobNobs with the deadlock firmly intact. I've seen worse 0-0ers, but not much worse. On the whole this has been fairly scrappy fare.

Half-time analysis (apologies, but I have to call it something): "That's not a plastic pitch," harrumphs Ian Copestake, in Crocodile Dundee mode. "This is a plastic pitch."

"Does Milos Krasic look a bit like Hans Gruber's henchman in Die Hard who nearly gets strangled by metal chains, or his twin brother-and-fellow-henchman who gets bumped off early in the film?" asks Ian Kay. The former, Ian, unless they're identical twins in which case he looks like both of them. I've always fancied working as a henchman - all of the mindless violence with none of the responsibility for planning heists or terrorist attacks. Does anyone have any advice on the best way to make it in the industry? The high turnover of henchmen in Hollywood action movies would suggest its far from a closed shop.

"Do footballers in England really drink tea and eat cookies (biscuits) at half-time or is that just a colloquialism left over from quainter times when doing something like scoring an own goal would make you blush, as in 'sparing ones blushes'. Uninformed yanks want to know," asks Josh Davis.

Second-half: No changes on either side at half-time and in his interview before heading back out to the second half, Sir Alex Ferguson said he's reasonably happy with the way his team has played thus far.

46 min: "I just have a quick question," says Joe Buckner. "Is CSKA pronouced as an acronym or as siska? I've never heard the latter until watching Fox Soccer Channel and its annoying he hell out of me." I don't actually know, Joe. I've never heard anyone pronounce it as anything other than an acronym and considering how wrong the Fox network is about pretty much everything else, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess they're incorrect in their pronounciation of CSKA too.

49 min: Nani gallops down the right, cuts inside Aleskei Berezutski and squares the ball across the edge of the six-yard box. Once again, there are no Manchester United players there to capitalise.

50 min: For CSKA, Dzagoev shoots from distance, but doesn't get enough power behind his effort to trouble Edwin van der Sar.

51 min: This match is so fascinating that I've just checked Wikipedia to see if there's any particular reason that CSKA striker Tomas Necid wears No89. The only clue I can find is that he was born in 1989, but that seems a bit lame. Coincidentally, he also shares a birthday with my father: 13 August.

54 min: Things you missed while I was poncing about on Wikipedia: (1) Dimitar Berbatov getting booked for simulation after swallow-diving over a challenge from one of the Berezutski twins in the CSKA penalty area, (2) Alan Dzagoev getting the ball in the Manchester United goal, but having his effort ruled out, correctly, for offside.

56 min: Manchester United substitution: Rio Ferdinand off, Wes Brown on. There's nothing wrong with Ferdinand, Ferguson just wants to give Liverpool a sporting chance next Sunday by keeping him fit.

57 min: "One of the few things I've picked up on my trips to Moscow is that CSKA is generally known as Cess-ka," writes Simon Thomas. "I've been saving this nugget of information for years, waiting for that very question." Thanks for that Simon and don't be too hard on yourself. A friend of mine has made several trips to Moscow over the years and the only things he's picked up are hookers.

60 min: In the CSKA goal, Igor Akinfeev saves brilliantly from a Nani header. The Portuguese got on the end of a Gary Neville cross from the right and came close to breaking the deadlock despite Sergei Ignashevich having a good hold on his shirt.

63 min: Tomas Necid goes down under a challenge from Fabio and wins a free-kick about 35 yards from goal, wide on the right. Sergei Ignashevich's shot took a deflection off the Scholes in the wall, which had Edwin van der Sar beaten, only to bounce this wide of the far post.

65 min: Manchester United win a corner, which Anderson pulls back to Paul Scholes outside the CSKA penalty area. He dinks a little through ball into the area for Gary Neville to run on to, but the full-back's attempted cross was blocked.

67 min: Another through-ball into the CSKA penalty area, this time for Anderson to chase. Igor Akinfeev wins the race to the ball, but not by much. Apologies for harping on about the plastic pitch, but it's noticable on this surface that the ball doesn't run on as far as it would on short grass, which means it's always worth chasing as it could well stop dead before rolling over the goal-line.

69 min: A free-kick that might as well be a corner for Manchester United, who have been completely dominant in this half. Anderson tries to whip it into the far corner of the goal, but Akinfeev punches clear when he probably should have caught it.

70 min: Manchester United substitution: Paul Scholes off, Michael Owen on.

72 min: "Your dad has the misfortune of also sharing his birthday with that epitome of charisma and entirely accidental elbowing, Alan Shearer and (sotto voce) Fergal Sharkey," writes Chris Ballard, who adds: "I said the second name in a bit of an undertone."

74 min: CSKA attack on the break, courtesy of the Hans Gruber henchman that was nearly strangled by the chains in Die Hard, as opposed to his dead twin brother. By the time I've finished that laboured explanation, Manchester United have recovered and all is well.

76 min: "The pronunciation of CSKA, to close the matter off, is indeed saying the initials, but in Russian," writes Gadi Abraham. "Tzeh Ess Kah Ah or 'Tseska-a (the two ahs join when speaking rapidly). We in Israel know this because of the Macabbi Tel Aviv - CSKA rivalry in basketball. It helps to have around a million of Jewish Russians as well."

78 min: An error from Fabio, who loses possession out in the far corner, allows CSKA to square the ball to Dzagoev on the edge of the Manchester United penalty area. He prods the ball through to Milos Krasic, who is penalised for offside.

80 min: From the right-hand side of the CSKA penalty area, Anderson crosses for Michael Owen on the edge of the six-yard box. His delivery is about two feet too high for the diminutive striker.

82 min: Valencia rattles - and I mean really rattles - the CSKA crossbar with a 25-yard drive. Close, but no cigar.

82 min: Nani is such a frustrating footballer. He skins Chidi Odiah down the left wing, cuts inside and then, with team-mates queuing up to get on the end of his cross, plays the ball into the one part of the penalty area that's unmanned by players from either team.

85 min: Five minutes plus injury-time to go and I'll be surprised if there isn't a goal ...

GOAL! CSKA Moscow 0-1 Manchester United (Valencia 85) ... and there it is. A cross comes in from the left, Dimitar Berbatov leaps in the penalty area and nods the ball down to Antonio Valencia, on the right-hand side of the six-yard box. With only Akineev to beat, he controls the ball and drives a diagonal shot into the bottom left-hand corner.

88 min: That's been a long time coming; so long in fact that I was in the process of writing "I'll be surprised if there isn't a goal ... because Manchester United are piling on the pressure and CSKA are looking dangerous on the break" when it went in.

89 min: CSKA substitution: Daniel Carvalho on, Chidi Odiah off. Manchester United substitution: Fabio off, Michael Carrick on.

90 min: "It's quite remarkable that the pronunciation of CSKA was still debated at the 76-minute mark of this game, when the club have existed for 98 years and there have hardly been any debates on the issue as lengthy as this.," writes Sazali Abdul Aziz, refusing to acknowledge Gadi Abraham's determination to close the subject.

90+1 min: As Manchester United continue to pile the hurt on CSKA, Mark Grindrod ties up another loose end. "Yes, 89 is Tomas Necid's shirt number because it's his birth year," he writes. "I only know this thanks to an article in the latest When Saturday Comes all about barmy squad numbers."

Peep! Peep! Peep! The referee finishes the game, prompting Manchester United's players to moooch down behind Edwin van der Sar's goal to applaud their travelling support, before rushing to the bus, heading for the airport and catching the plane home. They're bestriding Group B like a colossus, having won three games out of three. I'm off home to bestirde my sofa like a colossus and watch Real Madrid v AC Milan, so thanks for your time and your emails and enjoy the rest of the night's action.