We're not sure why but the Mill is in an emotional state these days. Just this weekend when feeding the fish coincided with Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle coming on the old iPod shuffle, the Mill had to go and have a little sit down to shift the lump from our throat. Quite why we were reduced to this snivelling mess is something of a mystery because: a) unless we're very much mistaken Jennifer is a lady fish and short of something VERY unusual happening on a drunken evening 18 months ago there's no parental relationship between us; and b) Jennifer will never grow up just like the Mill; and c) it's physically impossible for her to be taught how to throw, what with being a fish and all.
So you can imagine the blind, impotent rage in the offing this morning had the Mill awoke to find the world of tittle tattle barer than Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard after a 12-hour tinned food and preservative bender. Chairs would have been smashed, TVs hurled and Jennifer quite possibly dispatched to the great U-bend in the sky. Fortunately, after a proper rummage we've managed to turn up a few rather juicy morsels.
Manchester City, for example, are hoping to further strengthen the bonds with their neighbours by gazumping United's move for Inter full-back Maicon. Mark Hughes plans to send £20m of his £100m transfer budget in the direction of San Siro in January. And it could be a Brazilian double at Eastlands – in a sentence that gets less believable as it goes on, City want the Benfica midfielder Ramires and will spend £25m on him if they fail with a record £65m bid for Bayern Munich's Franck Ribéry.
Undaunted, United will bounce back from the disappointment of missing out on the world's best full-back by snapping up David James for a cut-price £1m. Both parties need to be careful, however – relationships rarely go well on the rebound.
Emile Heskey's World Cup dreams have been the focus of yards of newsprint this week, despite not involving anything Freud would give a second glance to. Rafael Benítez is ready to "save" the Villa striker's dream (possibly by hooking him up to a Spectrum ZX81 and hitting "Record and Play" when he falls asleep). The Mirror reckons Liverpool will pay £1.5m and not a penny more for their former charge.
Roberto Mancini will be offered a £80,000-a-week five-year deal to take the manager's seat (a slightly smaller and less ornate affair next to Sven's bejewelled golden throne) at Notts County. He'll appoint David "Sense of Humour Bypass" Platt as his glamorous assistant. Or, depending on which tabloid you're reading this morning, David Platt will be taking the hot seat himself. Or Dennis Wise. Or Steve Coppell. Or Gordon Strachan. Or David O'Leary. Or Harry Redknapp.
Sometimes the flame of a rumour can be fanned by the most innocuous of breezes. Take Gokhan Inler's agent, who says the Udinese midfielder "could leave" in January and is now fielding phone calls from Internazionale, Arsenal, Manchester City and a forthright young chap who wants to make sure he is happy with his current home insurance premium.
A slightly more definitive statement was made by the Lazio president, Claudio Lotito, who says "when the window opens we will be happy to consider his departure", the him in question being contract rebel Goran Pandev. Lotito can rock back in his huge leather Chesterfield and wait for the calls to come in from Liverpool, Inter and a forthright young chap who etc and so forth.
And Blackburn Rovers have jumped to the head of the queue to sign Gillinghan's pint-sized Canadian goalgetter Simeon Jackson. A bid of £2m will be enough to see the super Gills part ways with the new Paul Peschisolido.
