Simon will be here from 2.15pm. In the meantime, here's Shaun Edwards's tactical breakdown of today's game.

What makes Argentina's tight five so good?

Forget the tactical nuances, Argentina are in town and the big men love nothing better than throwing their weight around – actually weight and a fair bit of technical know-how when it comes to scrum time.

While England have struggled to find a front row the three Argentinians, Rodrigo Roncero, Mario Ledesma and Martín Scelzo, have been together for some time. They know their business and on days like today when rain is forecast can be match winners. In short, an awful lot is going to depend on England's tight-head and anchor, Duncan Bell. If he goes backwards, the link between backs and forwards at the scrum breaks down.

There are a couple of things Argentina tend to do. At a midfield scrum on their own ball, look for the second surge. They know the England flankers will be looking to cover breaks and hope to catch them napping and unbound in an area where the penalty means a certain three points. In a tight game, and this is likely to be one, it's a winner.

Otherwise they may go for the new pairing of James Haskell at No8 and the scrum-half Paul Hodgson. Haskell is not over-experienced in what is quite a technical position and, if the scrum retreats, life will be difficult, especially if the Argentinian scrum-half, Alfredo Lalanne, a team-mate of Hodgson at London Irish, targets the link.

The big plus is that Hodgson tends not to flap and is vocal, so he can help by talking his No8 through the difficult times.

Away from the scrum watch out for the work of Ledesma around the lineout. When Argentina are attacking, the hooker tends to throw to the middle or back, setting up a drive which he hopes will suck in the England flankers.

If the open-side, Lewis Moody, commits to the maul, watch Ledesma break off, head for the hole that Moody has just created and link with Lalanne and the backs. At Clermont Auvergne, where Ledesma and Scelzo play, the hooker has turned it into something of an art form.

So here are your teams!
England: Monye, Cueto, Hipkiss, Geraghty, Banahan, Wilkinson, Hodgson, Payne, Hartley, Bell, Deacon, Borthwick, Croft, Moody,
Haskell. Replacements: Thompson, Doran-Jones, Lawes, Worsley, Care, Goode, Erinle.
Argentina: Agulla, Borges, Tiesi, Rodriguez, Comuzzi, Fernandez, Lalanne, Roncero, Ledesma, Scelzo, Lozada, Albacete, Leonardi,
Abadie, Fernandez Lobbe. Replacements: Basualdo, Ayerza, Carizza, Campos, Figuerola, Urdapilleta, Aramburu.
Referee: Nigel Owen (WRFU).

Four changes for England from last week's defeat to Australia – five, let's hope, if you count the level of performance. Argentina have won two of their last three Tests against England, but they've got a few rookies, a few amateurs, Juan Martin Hernandez among the absentees and if they don't lose today there'll be some sharp flak flying around TW1. So the pressure's all on the home side.

I've been to Argentina, and can confirm that a) Dulce de leche is disgusting; b) They overcook their steaks; c) their taxi drivers are stonking mad. Everything else was amazing though. And cheap (proof that economic meltdowns can be good (for tourists)).

2.26pm: Argentina are out. Moments away from action now.

2.29pm: England out now, the teams lined up to enjoy the national anthems and make meaningful eye contact with each other.

2.30pm: "Can't wait for this afternoon, but can anyone tell me what 'Corcio' or something similar means in Spanish?" writes Tom Cox. "Gus Pichot keeps calling Juan Fernandez Lobbe 'Corcio' and I'm sure that his smirking suggests that there is some hilarious gag in there somewhere." Tom, I believe that his nickname is Corcho, Spanish for cork, because his head looks like a champagne cork. Or so I'm told.

2.31pm: Anthems over, action about to begin.

1min: We're off!

2mins: The first scrum ends with a free-kick to England and Ledesma requiring treatment.

4mins: A scrappy couple of minutes of Argentinian high kicks and loose England possession ends with a Moody knock-on.

England 3 Argentina 0 (Wilkinson drop-goal, 6mins) Fernandez has a kick charged down to give England useful attacking possession for the first time, and Wilkinson gets an early drop-goal.

7mins: Lobbe fumbles a straightforward catch as Moody closes in and it bounces to Cueto, who for a moment looks to be escaping down the wing. But he can't keep up the pace and tosses the ball away.

8mins: Ugo Monye, who hasn't had the strongest start, fails to hold a high ball and hands Argentina possession at the scrum.

9mins: Wilkinson's last-minute intervention saves a try after Rodriguez flicks the ball on with his boot and it started bouncing merrily towards the try-line.

11mins: Argentina line up a drop-kick chance of their own, but Fernandez, one of the team's amateurs, hits the outside of the post with a disappointing effort.

14mins: England 3 Argentina 3 (Rodriguez penalty)
England are penalised for collapsing the scrum and Rodriguez converts the penalty from in front of the posts.

17mins: Argentina get another penalty from a central position, but this one's a long way out and Rodriguez gets the distance but not the direction, the ball floating to the right of the target.

19mins: A lot of kicking from both sides, none of it particularly fantastic, but Argentina looking marginally more threatening at the moment.

21mins: England 6 Argentina 3 (Wilkinson penalty) England get a penalty after Argentina hold on to the ball in the ruck, and Wilkinson, whose kicking at goal has been perfect so far, converts from not far from the half-way line.

26mins: England 6 Argentina 6 (Rodriguez penalty) Another absolute clanger from Monye, who appears to have forgotten how to catch. He just seems to lack technique. He drops a high kick and Argentina end up with an easy penalty.

28mins: Another drop-goal attempt, from Rodriguez, but it's wide and weak and Monye catches – to ironic cheers from the crowd.

30mins: Half an hour gone and England aren't looking impressive. We've barely even tried to pass, we've done too much inaccurate, speculative kicking and other than the moment early on when Mark Cueto looked to be running clear there hasn't been a sniff of a try.

31mins: Another penalty for Argentina, a long way out and at an angle, which Rodriguez misses narrowly.

33mins: England try to run the ball but Haskell fumbles and Argentina get the ball. From their kick, Monye catches (hurrah!) and runs brightly past several clumsy tackles before he, too, fumbles.

35mins: Wilkinson fails to find touch when kicking a penalty, and then there's another knock-on from Monye as the ball bounces past him, just when he appeared to be settling down. He needs to be moved out of the firing line, fast.

27mins: England 6 Argentina 9 (Rodriguez penalty) Argentina's sixth penalty (England have had two), from out on the right wing, and this one Rodriguez judges well and Argentina are in the lead for the first time

38mins England 9 Argentina 9 (Wilkinson penalty) England's third penalty, given away by Martin Scelzo who left his hand in at the ruck, should see them to half-time level. It was a straight-forward chance, and though there was a heart-in-mouth moment as it wobbled its way, it was good enough.

Half-time: The crowd boo as the teams go off, England lucky to be level. "What are conditions like?" asks Paul Jones. "Do Monye et al have any mitigating circumstances for all the dropped ball?" Well there's a reason both sides are trying so much kicking. It's not been raining so far, but it has been raining for most of the last two days so grass and ball are both pretty damp.

"No ambition, no desire," says Will Greenwood, who rightly singles Lewis Moody out for praise. It's been boring, to be frank. Not enough passing, too many basic errors, not enough reasons to look forward to the second half.

41mins: We're off! And things can only get better.

41mins: "BBC radio are apologising for brian Moore's pre-game comment 'which some may have found offensive'," reports Aled Thomas. "Does anyone know what he said?" Anyone?

45mins: Wilkinson proves he's human by narrowly missing the target with a penalty from just over 40 yards out, bang central.

46mins: Brian Moore faux-pas update: "I think he made some comment along the lines of 'players doing a thalidomide impression'," reports Avro Simones.

47mins: The crowd are up for it, at least, essaying Swing Low for the first time. Let's see how long they stay enthusiastic for.

48mins: Things are improving, but not by much. England pass the ball from left to right and then back again, before Haskell's poor throw puts Hartley in trouble, and Roncero arrives to force the fumble.

49mins: Argentina miss a penalty, Rodriguez emulating Wilkinson's failure from an almost identical position. And England counter-attack, Mark Cueto jinking round a few tackles and kicking Argentina into trouble.

51mins: For the first time England get the ball within a few yards of the try-line, but the attack isn't quite dynamic enough, Borges takes out Cueto and Argentina win a penalty.

55mins: Argentina are also doing more passing, but they too can't convince, eventually failing to release and giving England a penalty.

57mins: England were building a little momentum when Wilkinson was penalised for a forward pass. Looks a poor call, both live and on replay.

60mins: Hartley and Roncero ignore the game for a while to scrap with each other. "What is the problem with you two," asks the referee.

61mins: Twenty minutes to go and it's hard to see what England can do to rescue this. They might win the game, but they need to do more than that now to avoid a savaging in the press. The next 20 minutes have got to be awesome, that's what I'm saying.

62mins: A very long-range effort from Wilkinson, from wide on the right, after a really stupid deliberate knock-on. He scoops it wide. Worsley and Doran-Jones come on, for Payne and Croft.

64mins: These last five minutes, they haven't been awesome. Martin Johnson looks dejected.

67mins: Argentina bring Ayerza on for Cselzo.

68mins: Another missed penalty from England, who for all their failures would have been well ahead at this point had Wilkinson been at his very best. Thompson comes on for Hartley.

70mins: TRY! England 14 Argentina 9 (Banahan) England just bulldozed down the middle, Borthwick doing well, and the ball ends up wide on the left where Moody tempts two defenders before passing to Banahan. At last, some passes and some success, but the tackling was a bit loose from Argentina.

71mins: England 16 Argentina 9 (Banahan conversion) Missed it while I was typing up the try, to be frank.

73mins: Banahan loses the ball and suddenly England look open but Tiesi stumbles.

75mins: Albacete comes terribly close to an equalising try, just stomping through the middle before Hodgson brings him down at the last, and England win a penalty to help them to safety. Care and Goode come on for Hodgson and Wilkinson.

76mins: Care's first touch is to kick the ball out of touch on the full and Argentina still have possession.

77mins: A great high kick plays Monye into trouble and England are hanging on grimly. They've given away a penalty, but with three minutes to go Argentina can't afford to kick it.

79mins: Argentina take possession from the line-out and try to drive for the line. A tense minute ensues before a knock-on hands the advantage back to England.

80mins: England try to play out the last seconds, but it doesn't work out and they end up booting the ball, panicked, back into touch and giving Argentina a last line-out as the clock ticks over 80 minutes.

Final whistle: England limp over the line, the whistle being blown with the ball a yard away from the try-line. The second half was better, but it was not good. Borthwick leaves the pitch with his arm around Ugo Monye, who had a torrid afternoon.

Post-match: If the All Blacks – who play England next week – were watching this, they won't have seen much to worry them. England have pride, for sure, and in Lewis Moody they had a player who seemed to be playing for an entirely different, considerably better and more hard-working, side. But there was not much else here. In his post-match interview, Matt Banahan suggested that the victory was all that mattered today, but there has to be more to life than that.

Meanwhile, Matt Cawsey reports that Brian Moore "compared Mike Teague to a thalidomide victim when he was describing his favourite moment as an England player". Nice.

Now I'll be off to see if England's football team can do any better.