Christmas is coming, the geese are getting morbidly obese, risking heart disease and diabetes. Yes, the Mill household hosts its annual Yuletide shindig this evening and preparations are well under way. The sprouts sit ominously in a water-filled dish. The beetroot is peeled. The parsnip cakes (this is what happens when you're friends with too many vegetarians) are through their painstaking preliminary stages.
Such is the mammoth nature of the task that the Mill was ripped from the pub prematurely last night, and dragged home to chop cabbage, mash Jerusalem artichokes and whip up meringues (the Mill makes a mean meringue). Yet all of this was undertaken with a beaming smile and a spring in the step, and not just because the Mill's cup of Christmas cheer, which currently floweth over obviously, is actually a pint pot of Santa's Special Brew. But no matter how jovial the atmosphere chez Mill, it must pale in comparison to the seasonal spirit at Sol Campbell's mock-Tudor mansion this morning.
Because Campbell, currently clubless after bailing out of Notts County, is the shock solution to Manchester United's defensive crisis, according to "exclusives" in both the Sun and Mirror. United are apparently investigating how quickly they can rush through a deal for the former England player, with his Old Trafford debut "likely" to come early in the new year. Whether United are intending to tempt Campbell with the prospect of playing with Roberto Carlos and Benjani is unclear, though he seems to be swung by that sort of thing.
The seasonal spirit isn't always a force for good, however. It can make managers do strange things or offer charity where none is required. David Moyes, for example, seems to have mistaken Landon Donovan for someone who can hack it in European football and wants to take the LA Galaxy forward to Everton on loan.
Manchester City hope they find Milan's Ignazio Abate under the tree on Christmas morning, but more likely to be there is the £6m-rated Rubin Kazan left-back Cristian Ansaldi, tied up in a bow, with a little tag reading "To Manchester City, Merry Christmas. From Manchester City x x x – PS: If you don't like it I've got the receipt".
In a fairly implausible rumour dug from the far reaches of the worldwide web, Barcelona's Keirrison is a target for Rafael Benítez and Liverpool. In a more mundane rumour copied from the tabloids Steve Bruce wants shut of Anton Ferdinand and fancies Tottenham's Alan Hutton in part exchange. And in some of the dullest transfer tittle-tattle ever seen on these pages Wigan have given Michael Ball a trial.
And the QPR manager Jim Magilton is in danger of becoming the former QPR manager Jim Magilton after being accused of butting his midfielder Akos Buzsaky.
