Preamble: Alright, chucks, ready for some West Midlands action? It may be just a 17 mile, 30 minute drive from Molineux to Villa Park but the two teams are separated in the Premier League by a gulf. Villa, having finally overcome Martin O'Neill's March hoodoo against Wigan in the week, will be eyeing fourth (though they would need to win 9-0) ahead of Tottenham's tricky trip to Stoke this afternoon. Wolves, meanwhile, are coming off the back of their doughty victory at Burnley last weekend – their second win in the last five – and hoping to put some more daylight between them and the bottom three.

But this isn't just a Black Country-Brum mash-up (where does the Black Country begin and end? Birmingham is outside of it, right?) ... Fans of West Ham, Hull, Burnley and Wigan will be in the claret-and-blue corner, hoping the visitors get dumped on; supporters of Spurs, Liverpool and Man City are eyeing an upset that will undermine Villa's top four pretensions. Me, I just want my fantasy footballers to do well. But where, dear reader, does your allegiance lie?

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's your teams
Aston Villa: Friedel, Cuellar, Collins, Dunne, Warnock, Ashley Young, Milner, Petrov, Downing, Carew, Heskey.
Subs: Guzan, Luke Young, Sidwell, Albrighton, Delfouneso, Beye, Clark.
Wolverhampton: Hahnemann, Zubar, Craddock, Berra, Ward, Foley, Guedioura, Henry, David Jones, Jarvis, Doyle.
Subs: Hennessey, Elokobi, Ebanks-Blake, Keogh, Iwelumo, Milijas, Mancienne.
Referee: Mark Clattenburg (Tyne & Wear)

Just when did Jame Milner get so good, eh? Back in the day when Leeds were at the top of the Big Dipper, staring at the downhill ahead, and James Milner was more fresh-faced than the Prince of Bel Air, the wee winger broke the record for the Premier League's youngest scorer. He lost it some time after to James Vaughan ... and then seemed to lose it in a more figurative sense, spending four bitty years at another wreck-in-waiting Newcastle. But less than two full seasons at Villa (his previous loan spell aside) have seen him morph into an all-action wideman/centre midfielder who is pretty much nailed on for a World Cup spot.

12.35pm: Gabriel Agbonlahor hasn't been able to shake off a groin problem, so John Carew and Emile Heskey are paired up front for Villa. How the Wolves back line deals with that twin aerial threat will be crucial today. Mick McCarthy, meanwhile, has gone for Birmingham-like consistency and named the same line-up for the sixth successive match.

12.40pm: Chris Laws and Simon Conway both have fantasy anxiety (one of those modern illnesses, like sex addiction). "So then Alan, who are these fantasy footballers you speak of?" asks Chris. "Personally, I have Milner and Dunne, with a certain stamping Didier as my captain for the week! Where does your allegiance lie?"

"Absolutely right," adds Simon. "I have a treble of Milner, Young and Collins in this one. Double-week anxiety too with captain selection ... Went with Drogba in the end ... Not doing this again next year, it's too much." You'll get no answers out of me, boys. I'm not going to encourage the madness.

12.45pm: Let's join Alan Smith and Ian Darke for today's telecast.

Peep! Off we go, Villa kicking from left to right, and forced back into their own half inside the first minute ...

2 min: Emile Heskey's first touch involved the big fella attempting a cute backheel towards his strike partner John Carew after a punt upfield from Brad Friedel. Suffice to say it didn't quite come off ... Wolves clear after a Cuellar throw-in down on the right.

3 min: Is this evidence of the nascent rise of the machines? "I can remember back in FIFA 07, James Milner had a rating of 90 after 2 seasons," says Aidan Gibson. "He and Michael Owen were both 90. EA Sports were right!" Owen 90? In 2007? And why weren't you playing Pro Evo, Aidan?

4 min: Ooooooh! John Carew whips a shot from right to left but past Marcus Hahnemann's upright with Steven Warnock not far from turning it in at the back post. The Norwegian perhaps should have tested the keeper after working space from himself following a Cuellar cross. Very good early chance.

6 min: Wolves are already working hard in defence, three players combining to bundle Heskey off the ball (no mean feat, that). Can't foresee much attacking menace from the visitors today.

8 min: James Milner gets time and space on the ball and cleverly plays in Stewart Downing on the left, the winger's cutback is unable to find a claret and blue shirt though.

9 min: Adlene Guedioura hammers a low drive just wide of goal from some 25 yards after a Wolves corner ...

10 min: Milner then slices a path into the Wolves box and it takes a brilliant sliding tackle from Karl Henry to prevent the England man unleashing a shot on goal. Christophe Berra then nicked the ball away from Carew who also goes to ground – much to Berra's dissatisfaction.

11 min: Despite being under the cosh – Ashley Young is the next Villa man to be dispossessed as he invaded the Wolves box – the visitors break out again and win another corner off of Richard Dunne. The delivery doesn't cause Brad Friedel any problems, however.

13 min: A Young corner drifts just over Collins's head, and Downing's return cross from the right is headed away. James Collins has been a really good buy, hasn't he? Martin O'Neill clearly spotted something that not many others could see in the former West Ham centre-half.

15 min: Kevin Doyle, who is toiling manfully on his own up front, goes streaking away down the left, but his ball into the box can't find a team-mate.

GOAL! Aston Villa 1-0 Wolves (Carew 16) Villa have been able to find space wherever they've looked, and now they've picked a path to goal. Milner was again pulling the strings in the middle of the pitch, sending Young free to run at the box from off of his left wing. He drove a low cross into the area and Carew, who may have been a shade offside, was at the back post to turn the ball in from five yards.

18 min: Who likes to play letter-based games (to be honest, who doesn't)? Kevin Porter has today's conundrum: "Is Guedioura the only Premiership player to feature all five vowels in his surname?" Does anyone have Clarke Carlisle's number?

20 min: Matt Jarvis jinks in from the left and hits a right-footed effort that drifts wide ... but it flicked off Cuellar and a corner has been given. Mark Clattenburg then gives Villa a free-kick for some hanky-panky in the box.

22 min: Stiliyan Petrov puts the hurt on Doyle, the Bulgarian going into the book and conceding a set-piece midway into the Villa half ...

GOAL! Aston Villa 1-1 Wolves (Craddock 23) Well, Villa's defence hasn't looked the like the best in the league so far today, and that goal confirms they're having a bit of an off day. David Jones, I think, humped the ball into the box where it was allowed to drop before cannoning off Ronald Zubar and into the path of Wolves goal machine Jody Craddock, who lashed it past Friedel from close range.

26 min: "My dad, a proud black country man and Wolves fan is very disappointed with me supporting the Villa, probably like going over to the dark side for him, I suspect he won't be phoning me to ridicule the Villa this Saturday though!" Oh, Ellie Peters, you spoke too soon!

27 min: Doyle volleys spectacularly over after another long ball into the box. They've got some moxy, Mick McCarthy's lot, it has to be said. There'll be more goals today, mark my words.

28 min: "Sex addiction a modern illness?" wonders Gary Naylor. "You can't have read Klaus Kinski's diaries." You're right, I haven't. Nor the Marquis de Sade's. But I think it was just called being a randy bugger, back then.

30 min: Bit of a lull in play at Villa Park, both teams eyeing each other up after the flurry of punches in the opening exchanges. "With reference to your caption on the photo about penny sweets still costing a penny ..." emails John Martin. "I live in Hong Kong now, so not much English currency or understanding of just how much the penny is now worth. But, on a recent trip to the UK, I had to 'spend a penny' at the train station. I couldn't because I didn't have the needed 20p piece. Spending a penny sure got expensive – taking the piss really." I think it was actually 30p the last time I had to use a train station 'rest room'. One of the great scandals of our times.

32 min: That's good, speedy work, Tom Lines: "Portsmouth's Quincy Owusu-Abeyie also features every vowel in his name." Young whips in a devilish cross from the right which Zubar is forced to divert over his own crossbar.

33 min: Collins' knockdown from the corner finds Carew, but he can't carve out space to turn. Petrov then walks a fine line by chopping down Zubar as the defender shepherds the ball out for a goal-kick. That looked worth a yellow to me – completely unnecessary from the Villa captain.

35 min: "Actually the Some Moxy transfer deal fell through when Auxerre upped the price for their Gambian youth international," honks wannabe Wolves scout Kevin Porter. Zubar is back on after receiving some treatment.

GOAL! Aston Villa 1-2 Wolves (Milner og 37) The lowest scorers in the league have now put two past the best defence! Although they needed a bit of help from a Villa player to do it. Jarvis did really well on the left and his driven cross bobbled up off of James Collins ... David Jones, bursting into the box, looked set to pounce, but in dived James Milner to prod the ball away from the Wolves man and past his own keeper.

40 min: Oh, that's a bad miss, in the words of the Mitchell and Webb snooker commentators. Downing came in at the back post to meet another terrific Young centre, but only succeeded in heading it into the ground and up over the bar ...

42 min: Petrov brings down Doyle again after losing control of the ball. Steady, Stiliyan. "I am, indeed waiting for the phone to ring!! Argh!" Ellie Peters doesn't want to hear from her dad. Don't begrudge the man his happiness, Ellie. It's good to talk, remember.

43 min: Stuart Singer is a Countdown contestant in waiting: "Wigan's Maynor Figueroa also suffers no vowel trouble."

45 min: Another robust challenge, this time from Henry on Milner, hands Villa a free-kick centrally some way out, but Wolves deal comfortably with the ball into the box. Two minutes of added time until Mick McCarthy can give his lads a well-earned pat on the back.

45+1 min: Cuellar's back-post header is diverted away for a corner by Berra. The Spanish right-back then unleashes a volley from 25 yards after the set-piece was cleared, the ball arrowing narrowly over.

45+2min: That's the last act of the half, as Wolves go in for their oranges with the lead. Oranges always taste better when you're in front, don't they?

There's plenty of you in a fantasy football funk, if the emails in my inbox are to be believed. Two goals conceded by Dunne, Collins, et al; and an own goal from Milner. Ach, nooo!

Where's the Black Country? There, that's where: "Here you go, Alan," says Chris B. "West Brom obviously being the most prestigious team in the area. Well, next season, maybe ..." What kind of a name is Bloxwich, that's what I want to know? Definitely sounds made up.

A serious (but not still fantasy related) email: "Can anyone tell me why Milijas hasn't played for the last couple of months for Wolves?" asks Liam O'Dwyer. "When he broke into the team earlier this season he was outstanding, especially from set pieces, and at a time when they were seriously struggling for goals he was popping up with goals and assists on pretty much a weekly basis. Then 'like that' [does Kevin Spacey/Usual Suspects thing] he's gone. Or at least on the bench. My reason for asking is that he's in my Fantasy Football team and we don't have any transfers ..." We, Liam? I think the correct pronoun is 'I'. As for Milijas, I'm not sure why he isn't playing – he certainly looked like a decent player in the first half of the season.

Peep! Peep! Clattenburg gets things going again. Wolves have made a defensive substitution, perhaps signalling their intent for the second period. George Elokobi has come out in place of Guedioura. He'll play left-back, with Stephen Ward moving further up the pitch and Mark Jarvis going across to the right. Elokobi's task: stop Ashley Young.

46 min: "I'll see Stuart Singer's Maynor Figueroa and raise him Liverpool's Fabiano Aurelio. A seven letter surname that contains all five vowels!" Tom Lines is throwing down the gauntlet. And Kevin Foley is winning a corner for the visitors ...

47 min: Villa deal with Ward's delivery at the front post, but Wolves are immediately back on the attack. Maybe that wasn't a defensive substitution after all! Ward overruns the ball and can't get his cross in from the left.

49 min: Wolves, who are controlling the ball in midfield at the moment, are giving Villa the run around. Downing initiates a quick break on the left, however, and Zubar has to chug into top gear to put the ball out for a corner.

50 min: Richard Dunne gets on the end of the cross but his header whistles over.

52 min: A few jeers can be heard coming from the home support. Young stands over the dead ball on the left ... and curls in a cross that dips but doesn't quite dip enough, the ball landing on the roof of the net.

54 min: Villa are struggling to find any rhythm (from all five vowels to none, just like that) at the moment. Heskey's cross is palmed away by Hahnemann; but Henry breaks up play on the edge of the box and Wolves clear. Here's Tom Lines: "Funnily enough, I was born in Bloxwich. As were Noddy Holder and Rob Halford – the lead singer of Judas Priest. The area also gives it's name to a piece of architectural ironmongery common in many Georgian houses – the Bloxwich knob. Steady now." Is any of that true, Tom?

55 min: A misjudgement from Zubar allows Young, who seems to have swapped with Downing again, to drag the ball back from the byline on the left. Hahnemann scrambles out to claim but almost lost control of the sphere as Carew closed in.

57 min: Cuellar's header from yet another corner flies wide of the goal. I wouldn't be surprised if Villa turn one of those in sooner or later. Wolves are sitting back a bit now ...

58 min: Craddock's block hands Villa another corner, which Young fizzes into the six-yard box, Hahnemann punching clear this time. Stiliyan Petrov then commits a foul throw. School boy, Stiliyan.

60 min: Villa, who looked scintillating going forward for the first 20 minutes, are labouring a bit here. Wolves are throwing everything in the way of the ball to thwart the home side. "How dare you make fun of Bloxwich," indignates Peter Cooney. "We like the name. In fact, talking about names, some of us consider Runcorn an honorary member of the Black Country. Your ignorance is highlighted by the use of the word "chucks" in your preamble. (PS. 'What is a West Bromwich'?)" I didn't say I didn't like it, Peter. I was just confused by letters arranged in such an eccentric fashion.

62 min: Carew's header is well held by Hahnemann after the Norwegian got a firm noggin on a Milner cross. Villa's best chance of the half, that.

64 min: Wolves substitution: Michael Mancienne comes on in place Stephen Ward. Now that is a defensive change.

66 min: John Carew is showing Emile Heskey how to play the big lump up front role today. His strength enables him to again find space in the box, but he mishits his volley into the ground and Hahnemann claims gratefully.

67 min: So, Bloxwich is definitely my new favourite midlands town. But Ethan Dean-Richard is stirring the pot some more: "As a West Brom, is it normal for me to feel as much apathy towards this game (the whole black country derby aspect) as I do?"

69 min: Wolves certainly don't look fazed here. There's been very little adventure from them this half, but they've been the epitomy of solid. The Villa crowd are getting a teency bit agitated.

70 min: Villa break quickly, stretching Wolves, with Young sending over another testing cross from the left. Heskey gets up and although his effort his more off the body than head it wrong-foots Hahnemann and it needs an intervention from Henry, I think, to put the ball out for a corner.

72 min: More on Bloxwich from Lanny Whack. "Did you know that Arthur Tolcher was born there?" Who's Arthur Tolcher? Ah, you mean this Arthur Tolcher. He'd be piping out a right old tune now, were he a Wolves fan.

74 min: What is it about O'Neill's Villa in March? If they lose this, they can kiss goodbye to fourth, I reckon. Zubar is booked for a crude challenge, but Young sends the free-kick into the crowd. "Hello! I grew up in Willenhall, but now live in Austria! (Is this enough to get me mentioned?)" Yes, Neil Stainthorpe, yes it it.

75 min: "I hate to split hairs but according to Noddy's autobiography he was born in Caldmore (pronounced Karma for some reason) in Walsall. His voice says what floor you're on in the lift at Walsall Art Gallery. And a lot of my friends are from Bloxwich. No word from Dad yet but my Liverpool supporting hubby is very much cheering for Wolves. Am I the only Villa fan on Merseyside?" It's becoming a lonely old world for Ellie Peters.

77 min: Milner fires over a free-kick from the right, and Carew is again on the end of it. His glancing header fails to worry Hahnemann, though. Villa fans in the stands are chewing their fingernails ...

78 min: I should have mentioned that Villa have thrown on Marc Albrighton for Richard Dunne. Steve Sidwell then replaces Stewart Downing.

79 min: Cross from Ashley Young: check; header from John Carew: check; ball looping just over the bar: check. Another chance goes begging for the increasingly desperate Villans.

80 min: James Milner, who I puffed so confidently before the start, tries to replicate his winner from the DW Stadium in midweek, but the shot flies wide on the left.

GOAL! Aston Villa 2-2 Wolves (Carew 82) Ach, that's torn it for Wolves. Carew won a long ball, flicking it on towards Heskey who held it up well in the area. He rolled it back for the onrushing Sidwell, whose shot Carew deflected past Hahnemann, his big toe just get something on the ball to divert it in. Hint of offside again – but I think the right decision was made.

84 min: Can Wolves now hold out for a point? Villa are streaming forward once again. From one sort of drama to another, here's Black Country thesp Steve Johnstone: "I'm in a kitchen in the black country preparing for a live webcast of a play tonight and following the match with you. Give us a mention and plug the webcast - go on it'll be great." We are nothing if not fans of the theatre, Steve.

86 min: Albrighton attempts to swing over another delivery from wide on the right, but succeeds only in sending the ball out for a goal kick. At the other end, Steven Warnock nearly sells Brad Friedel down the river with a short backpass that the American has to hastily punt out for a throw. Not the kind of thing a man of Friedel's years needs.

88 min: Wolves send on Chris Iwelumo, the man responsible for this outstanding miss. They're still hanging on ...

90 min: There's going to be four more minutes at Villa Park. And Wolves are on the attack, Elokobi sending a long ball into the box that obliges Warnock to do some last-ditch defending.

90+2 min: Villa race up the other end, but Hahnemann is again equal to the delivery into the box, claiming's Cuellar's cross and then bawling at his defenders in traditional style.

90+3 min: Wolves again take the game to their hosts, winning a corner which David Jones belts into the mixer. It's cleared out to the left before Elokobi sends over a cross which fails to find an orange shirt.

90+4min: Milner wants a penalty after being barged over by Berra whilst attempting to challenge Hahnemann for a bouncing ball. Clattenburg is unmoved ... though on second view it was a tackle worthy of the Six Nations!

Peep! Peep! Peep! That's it, Wolves have got the point their performance deserved.

That was a fiesty old encounter in the end, but Villa will certainly view it as a chance blown. They could have gone level on points with Spurs in fourth (with the same games played) but they instead remain in seventh, behind Man City on goals scored. Wolves played a bloody good game, though, to use the vernacular, defending stoutly, hustling and harrying and generally making life difficult for their opponents. They created their fair share of chances too. On a personal level, I've learnt a great deal about a previously mysterious part of the world – so thank you. Now, head over to Tom Bryant's clockwatch for further enlightenment. Cheers for the emails ... I'll be back in the seat for Arsenal-West Ham later. Until then, keep your noses tidy.