So Sam Allardyce spent the week preparing for today's match by concentrating on the threat posed by fourth-placed Totten banging on about how much he hates Rafael Benitez, whose team he played two weeks ago. "Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah," he said. "Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah."

He continued: "Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah is this behaviour really becoming in a man who trades under the honorific 'Big' wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah."

And that wasn't all. "Bawl wah sob wah wah greet bubble blub boo," he concluded. "Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah." He went on to insist that it's not personal from his end, though that much was clear already.

Meanwhile Harry Redknapp and the boys are painting on the old gameface. This 12.45pm kick-off gives Tottenham a chance to put some early distance between themselves and the other fourth-place suitors. "I'm really expecting a tough game today," says Redknapp, "and I'll be pleased to come out of this with three points."

Top scorer Jermain Defoe (22) is back: Gomes, Corluka, Dawson, Bassong, Assou-Ekotto, Kranjcar, Modric, Palacios, Bale, Pavlyuchenko, Defoe.
Subs: Alnwick, Kaboul, Crouch, Gudjohnsen, Rose, Kyle Walker, Livermore.

Top scorer David Dunn (5) is back: Robinson, Salgado, Samba, Givet, Chimbonda, Emerton, Nzonzi, Pedersen, Olsson, Dunn, Kalinic.
Subs: Brown, Roberts, Andrews, Diouf, Basturk, Hoilett, Di Santo.

The star of the show, he'll make sure of that: Howard Webb (S Yorkshire)

Fight please! There have been six red cards in the last nine league meetings between these sides. Let's not get pompous: we'd all lilke a proper fistfight this afternoon, there hasn't been one in the Premier League for ages. Haymakers, wild fresh-air swipes, the works, lads, now be about your business.

The importance of studying the teamsheets: "I would love to see a full-on fistfight including the two benches and everything," says Brendan Large, surely speaking for us all. "If that happens I think 'Arry should be more worried about being on the end of a swift right hook from Pavlyuchenko than any of the Blackburn players." A textbook example of a zinger that so nearly worked, there. A tragic shame, but a decent effort nonetheless.

Hold on, that zinger does work. The 22 players on the pitch are involved in the melee too. God I'm slow. Sorry, Brendan. That's some picture you've painted there.

And we're off! Blackburn immediately lump it forward, chase after it en masse, and force a corner within 20 seconds! That's some direct work. Pedersen clips it in from the right, Gomes plucking it from the air under no pressure whatsoever.

2 min: Bale scampers down the left and reaches the byline, sending a cross into the centre. It's cleared, but he's got the ball back again, winning Spurs first corner of the game. A lovely open start.

3 min: And the open start nearly results in a goal for Blackburn, from the Tottenham corner as well. The Spurs corner is dreadful and headed clear with ease. Suddenly, Dunn is scampering upfield, two on two with Kalinic in a dangerous position in the centre. He decides to power on himself, ignoring the striker, and reaches the right-hand edge of the Tottenham box before running out of steam and losing the ball to a combination of Bassong, Assou-Ekotto and Gomes.

5 min: The lively Kalinic twists and turns and wins a free kick wide right, not too far into the Tottenham half. Pedersen swings the set piece into the area, towards the far post. It's a brilliant ball, just out of Gomes' reach, and dropping towards Samba's head, but the big defender fresh-air nuts, the cross sailing out of play. A really open start. Superb stuff all round, especially from Blackburn.

8 min: Pavlyuchenko belts one in from 30-odd yards, the idea being his shot finding the top-right corner of the Blackburn net. The effort is currently sailing over Walthamstow.

10 min: Dunn tries to skelp a free kick in from 35 yards. Oh for goodness sake.

12 min: Blackburn should be a goal up here. Chimbonda skidaddles down the left, skinning Corluka with embarrassing ease. He reaches the byline and rolls the ball back into the centre, where Olsson strides into the box from the inside-left position in acres of space. The ball's sitting up to be slotted into either corner of the net, with only Gomes in his way, but he takes a weak shot, allowing Bassong time to slide in and block. A terrible, terrible finish - but what a run by the former Spurs full-back Chimbonda. Blackburn have started very impressively indeed. At this rate, Big Sam's team will be doing Rafael Benitez a favour.

15 min: Assou-Ekotto latches onto a terrible clearance by Salgado down the Spurs left, and cuts into the box. He battles to the byline and zips the ball into the centre, where it bounces towards Pavlyuchenko, free in the centre, standing on the penalty spot. The ball reaches the striker at that awkward height, good for neither kicking nor heading. He slices an attempted volley into the stand behind; you couldn't really expect him to put that away.

19 min: Dunn picks the ball up in the centre circle and drifts down the inside-left channel. He reaches the box, neither Corluka nor Palacios able to stop him until, just before he shapes to shoot, he's bundled over just inside the area. No penalty - though it's an extremely clumsy challenge by Corluka - and Spurs survive. "We all like a bit of comic-value-laden gore, don't we, here and there, now and then," writes Philip Podolsky, of our hopes and dreams for a 30-odd-man fistfight, "but you definitely crossed the line with the Rafa close-up."

20 min: Bale zips down the left and cuts the ball back low for Pavlyuchenko, racing towards the near post. The striker fires a hard first-time shot just wide left. This game is wide open. I have no clue who is going to score first, but if it ends 0-0 I'll be very surprised.

24 min: Paul Robinson has leg knack. He'll not continue. Jason Brown comes on for his first Premier League match this season. "Has an English side ever contained more players whose names are Special Place references than this Spurs team?" wonders Mac Millings. "I mean, there's Gones, Crotch, Alnwick, Kagoulies, Mor-dic, Basdong, and of course, Gudjohnsen." Thank Christ you've forgotten a certain Middlesbrough-born central defender, this is a family newspaper.

29 min: A long snoozy lull is broken when Bale suddenly bursts into life, tokking the ball past Salgado down the left and powering into space in the Blackburn area. He shoots low and hard towards the bottom right corner, but the effort's dragged wide of the target. Great play, though.

33 min: It's really died, all of a sudden, this game. It was end-to-end excitement for the best part of 25 minutes. Now, nothing. Very strange. "Who's the more annoying of the Redknapps?" asks Gary Naylor, apropos naff all. "Cockney Wheeler-Dealer 'Arry or TV's Jamie? How Louise stands them I don't know." It's a fair question, that, so who gets your vote? Harry, Jamie, or Louise-y (for let us not forget she's a Redknapp too). Irritating as Louise's pronounciation of "it" without recourse to a "T" sound on those Thomas Cook adverts is, it's Harry all the way for me. Come on, folks, this is surely a no-brainerl. Naylor, of course, hasn't voted, he's just stirred the pot before running off, leaving me to deal with the fallout. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 1, Jamie 0, Louise 0.

35 min: Bale has been Tottenham's best player by a long chalk. Once again he cuts in from the left and wallops a delicious low cross into the centre. This time it's Defoe on the end of it, but the striker takes too many touches, and the chance is soon gone.

36 min: Assou-Ekotto swings a long, hard, deep cross in from the left. It evades Defoe - but it's heading for the bottom-right corner anyway! Givet makes sure Defoe can't get a touch, while Brown fingertips round the post. That's a great save. The corner's wasted.

38 min: Spurs have stepped it up a gear alright. Now Modric pings one forward straight down the middle, Defoe running onto the ball and drifting out just to the left of the goal. When he reaches the box, he unleashes a low shot towards the bottom-right. For a second, it looks like creeping in, but once again Brown is able to get a hand to the ball, stopping it brilliantly.

41 min: Kalinic and Dawson battle under a long bouncing ball heading for the Spurs area. The Blackburn striker looks to be winning the tussle, the prize for him being a one-on-one with Gomes, but he panics when in the box seat, shoving Dawson in the back then knocking the ball past him with a preposterous volleyball punch. You'll not be getting away with that, young sir. Naylor, by the way, is voting for Jamie. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 1, Jamie 1, Louise 0.

44 min: An untidy bout of head tennis after Pedersen Delaps one into the Spurs area is eventually ended by Palacios, who hoofs the loose ball clear after a few bounces. Blackburn, after a fancy start, have shown little up front.

45 min: GOAL!!! IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE!!!!! FROM A CORNER!!!!!!!!!! Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Blackburn Rovers. Bale wins a corner down the left. The ball's sent towards the near post, flicked on by Corluka, and shovelled into the roof of the net by Defoe's sliding leg at the far post. So simple. Not a single Rovers defender bothered to move an inch, mind.

HALF TIME: Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Blackburn Rovers. And that's that for the half. Meanwhile Brendan Large is talking my language. "I'm with you Scott, Harry all the way, and I'm sure my mate Roman P would be thinking the same way. Two votes to Harry." You're voting for Roman Pavlyuchenko?!? It's not particularly democratic - but I'll let it pass this time. Two to Harry it is. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 3, Jamie 1, Louise 0.

Most Irritating Redknapp: the votes flood in. "A no-brainer indeed," argues Jack Lee, "for without Arry, there wouldn't be Jamie, and Louise wouldn't be a Redknapp. In that sense he is definitely The Daddy." Eman Zaman adds: "I think you're losing perspective here; Jamie and Louise aren't even in the irritation ballpark when you compare them to Peckham and Posh. So my vote overwhelmingly goes to Arry." But Fraser Leggat suggests that "Harry might be annoying and talk a lot of rubbish, but at least he is opinionated and therefore more interesting than the totally vacuous punditry of Jamie." Do three emails constitute a flood of votes? Not usually, but today they just have to. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 5, Jamie 2, Louise 0.

The Representation of the People Act 1983. Everyone's obviously allowed to vote for their least favourite Redknapp, but can I point out that, according to UK election rules, anyone writing "I'd like to give Louise Redknapp one hur hur" automatically spoils their paper. Five spolit papers I've been sent so far. "Before everyone votes for 'Arry, may I remind them once again of the Thomas Cook ad?" asks Aidan Gibson. "Can I vote for Jamie and Louise?" No. That counts as a vote for Jamie. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 5, Jamie 3, Louise 0.

And we're off again! It's a quiet White Hart Lane. Defoe tries to lift the mood with a dipping volley from nearly 40 yards, an absolutely ludicrous effort, and one with depressingly predictable results. The ball is currently bouncing southwards, roughly tracing the route of the Victoria Line.

49 min: Kalinic spins under a ball dipping towards the Spurs penalty spot. If he hits it first time, Gomes surely has no chance - but he lets it bounce, allowing Dawson in to hammer the ball off his toe and wide left of goal. The corner is picked from the sky by Gomes.

50 min: Defoe's earlier effort has just left Highbury & Islington, and will arrive at Kings Cross St Pancras in roughly four minutes.

54 min: A Blackburn free kick from the right is easily deflected clear for a corner. Which in turn is easily headed away from danger by Bassong. Rovers have played some nice football this afternoon, but not much of it up front. "I think there's something wrong with your voting machine," writes Patrick O'Brien. "Every time I choose Harry the vote goes to George Bush. Can you get David Conn to look into this?" This is satire, topical satire. Only one decade late. Here, that Alec Douglas-Home is a bit posh, isn't he? Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 6, Jamie 3, Louise 0.

55 min: GOAL!!! Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 Blackburn Rovers. From that Blackburn corner, a few passes around the back between Tottenham defenders, then the team break upfield. Defoe zips into the Blackburn half, straight down the middle, and shifts the ball out right to Pavlyuchenko, who shoots straight at Brown. The ball goes under the keeper's body and bulges the middle of the net. What a terrible error. This is over.

57 min: Palacios is booked for hacking down some Blackburn midfielder or other. That's also a free kick, 30 yards out, dead centre. From a dangerous position, Dunn hits it straight at Dawson, who allows the ball to rebound upfield off him. What a witless free kick. "It seems like an injustice to me that Louise hasn't got any votes yet," writes Kris Yeates. "She's certainly quite irritating and deserves some recognition for that. However, the overwhelming sense of mild annoyance I feel every time Jamie opens his gob prevails; my vote goes to him." Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 6, Jamie 4, Louise 0.

61 min: Blackburn make their second change, Keith Andrews coming on for Emerton. "Since someone's mentioned American elections, can I vote again for Jamie?" asks Fraser Leggat, the Peter Cook de nos jours. Does this qualify as a Satire Boom? Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 6, Jamie 5, Louise 0.

64 min: Palacios rakes a delicious low pass from the centre circle to the left-hand edge of the Rovers D for Modric. That's wonderful. Modric is set free of the Blackburn back line, but can't do the pass justice, sending a wild shot left of goal. That would have been a picture. "I used to like Atomic arry til he took on his multi-wrinkled form and said now I look like death, destroyer of football clubs," writes Thuram Thugood. Is this beat poetry? First satire, now freestyle emails you could set to a hard-bop soundtrack. If someone overdoses on heroin before full-time, we've got the full 1960s Soho set, I think. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 7, Jamie 5, Louise 0.

68 min: It had to happen. Howard Webb has kept a low profile until now, but he's got to do something, hasn't he. Bale bombs into the box from the left, and is tripped from behind by Salgado. It's the most obvious penalty you'll see all season, so of course he makes an ostentatious song and dance of pointing for a goal kick. What a useless decision, totally pathetic refereeing - for he was about two yards from the incident with a clear view. Howard Webb Irritation-o-meter: Howard Webb 348,943.

70 min: Pavlyuchenko dances down the left and gets a decent cross in. Defoe's hanging around, but Samba has positioned himself well and heads clear. Salgado is a disgrace. "Oh come ON," splutters Jonathan Wood, "I log on to see the score, and come across the Redknapp debate. How can there BE a debate? Harry is funny, Louise is a babe, but Jamie Bloody Redknapp, sat in a studio with his legs far enough apart to enable us to examine every contour of his testes as he big gobs various inanities, is irritation personified." Sorry, you've not specified who you're voting for. I'll have to guess. Harry? I hope I'm right. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 8, Jamie 5, Louise 0.

73 min: Now Bale's unfairly upended in the box by Pedersen. Again, no dice, says Chuckles the Referee. That's the third reasonable penalty shout turned down this afternoon. "If you change the parameters of your Redknapp iritate-o-meter to who would you rather spend a weekend on a desert island with, I think my vote would have to go to Louise," writes Ben Bamford, "though Jamie might make a good mosquito repellent." Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 8, Jamie 6, Louise 0.

76 min: Di Santo comes on for Givet and is immediately in the thick of the action, first winning a corner after twisting and turning down the left and into the Spurs area, then looping in a deep cross from the left for Kalinic to scoop over and wide from eight yards. Time's running out if Rovers want to make Spurs nervous.

79 min: Not much going on, so I've added up all the other votes we've got in so far. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 17, Jamie 15, Louise 1 (for almost making Tim Lovejoy look good on Sunday morning telly, according to hipster poet Thuram Thugood).

80 min: GOAL!!! Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Blackburn Rovers. Out of nothing, Rovers win a corner down the right. The ball's sent to the far post, where Samba crashes a header into the top-left corner despite being surrounded by four white shirts. That's terrible defending, though Spurs complain that Samba was climbing on Dawson.

83 min: Crouch has come on for Defoe. He's not seen the ball, though, because Blackburn are dominating proceedings now. Pedersen chips a cross into the area from the right, but Gomes is up to claim with Kalinic buzzing around his feet.

85 min: GOAL!!! Tottenham Hotspur 3-1 Blackburn Rovers. From a corner on the left, Pavlyuchenko takes a fresh-air swipe from six yards. What a miss. But the ball's swung back into the box to Bale on the left, who hammers a low pass across the face of goal. Pavlyuchenko hammers home from close range.

88 min: Modric makes way for Gudjohnsen. Mike Wilner, claiming to be a representative of Her Majesty's Inland Revenue, even though he lives in LA, would like to vote for Harry. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 18, Jamie 15, Louise 1.

90 min: Howard Webb is a complete clown. Under a dropping ball on the edge of the Spurs area, Kalinic, his back to goal, chests down and spins in one movement, and smashes a peach into the top-left corner. What a superb goal. And it's one that's chalked out, Webb claiming Kalinic had been backing in. It's a ridiculous decision by a ridiculously over-rated referee; Dawson had run into the Blackburn striker, nearly knocking him over! Terrible, terrible, terrible. Do we have to send this eejit to the World Cup? Are we locked into this? Howard Webb Irritation-o-meter: Howard Webb 874,394,283,091.

FULL TIME: Tottenham Hotspur 3-1 Blackburn Rovers. Bale - surely the man of the match - takes two pops at goal after cutting in from the left dangerously for the 389th time in the match. Brown stands up to him, saving twice. And that's that. A deserved win for Spurs, but Howard Webb owes Spurs a penalty and Blackburn a goal. Final Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 29, Jamie 24, Louise 1. Thanks for all your votes, some of which I ignored.