In all the reports you may have read about what may or may not happen in New Zealand this weekend, perhaps Mitigating the Risk of Men's Violence against Women Increasing During the Rugby World Cup 2011 may have slipped thought your net. But as the All Blacks, without Dan Carter and with Richie McCaw on one foot, prepare to face their nearest and fiercest rivals, the Wallabies, it is perhaps worth putting the womanhood of this land on an amber warning.
Fears of what may happen if the All Blacks lose are based not so much on anything statistical down here but on an earlier report from Strathclyde police, noting that when Rangers played Celtic – or vice versa to be non-partisan – there could be an 80% increase in domestic violence in Glasgow. The trouble with converting the Old Firm into a trans-Tasman context is that the Mitigating the Risk … report exposed a certain helplessness. It referred to studies that suggested violence could increase if the All Blacks win, or if they lose.
If the ABs win, drink may take a hold and/or there may be an increase in self-confidence, assertiveness or even an excess of patriotism. Lose and drink may still take a hold. So far, they have won and no spike in referrals to Women's Refuge New Zealand has been recorded.
Australians, on the other hand, did record an increase in abuse coming their way from New Zealanders in the early stages of the World Cup and for a short time the letters pages of the newspapers were filled with examples of downright bad manners, signed by the Saddened of Hanmer Springs. They involved, at worst, a bit of spitting and more generally took the form of swearing at the sight of anyone in a gold jersey.
To be fair to most visiting Australians, who would swear that swearing is fair dinkum, they took it in their stride. And to be fair to New Zealanders, and especially after the dumb bloody Wallabies only went and lost to the Irish, they were so keen to offer every single visitor, even Australians, a warm World Cup welcome, that they collectively swallowed hard and held their tongues.
Even on the subject of James O'Connor, whose parents, would you ever stop believing it, are New Zealanders and who lived in Auckland as a kid. And do not even start on the subject of Quade Cooper, a good old Kiwi boy from the timber town of Tokoroa in Waikato, who is now the fly-half for the Wallabies and who has made it a mission in his worthless life not just to give Richie some lip but also a cheap shot on the deck, and if it were not for this being the World Cup and all that stuff about political correctness and being nice to everyone, they would rip into that no-good traitor and give him a real fu … steady, they said.
"It would be pretty bland if there wasn't some sledging," said Robbie Deans, the Wallaby coach at his team announcement on Friday. Well, he would say that, wouldn't he? Because there's another good old Kiwi boy, the five-times winning coach in Super Rugby with the Crusaders down in his hometown, Christchurch, and now coach of the convicts. Dingo Deans now.
"Who?" said Graham Henry at the All Black team announcement earlier on Friday. "I have heard of him. Good coach. Good man." And for once, there was not even a hint of his customary irony.
You see, the sting has gone out of the rivalry, replaced by mutual respect. And if that sounds soppy, it is because there is no venom left. When England flew home they took it all with them. Martin Johnson's squad may blame everybody else for the misfortunes heaped upon them at the World Cup but with each passing day come yet more tales of yet more boorish behaviour. Word has it there are more to come.
Insults and mockery are reserved for one team only. England in that respect may have done wonders for the safety of the women of New Zealand. You can take that any way you want but you can bet serving to mitigate the risk of men's violence was not what England thought they were going to do well in New Zealand when they came to the World Cup.
