"I read somewhere that Darren Bent has scored more goals at Old Trafford than any other opposition player in Premier League history," says Henry Reed, coughing slightly. "Surely this can't be true? Any of Fernando Torres, Thierry Henry, Alan Shearer, Frank Lampard, Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch etc must surely be able at least to match that?"
Bent scored a last-gasp equaliser for Fulham on Sunday to take his tally against Manchester United at Old Trafford to four, the others being: one in Tottenham's 5-2 defeat in April 2009, one for Sunderland in another 2-2 draw in October the same year and one for Aston Villa in a 3-1 loss in February 2011. Having double-checked the records, we can confirm that Sandra Redknapp can't top that.
And neither can anyone else, for that matter, unlikely as it seems (especially since Bent has managed his four in just under five years and we opted to include all competitions, not only the league). Torres and Lampard have both scored three goals at Old Trafford, Torres scoring twice for Liverpool and once for Chelsea between March 2009 and September 2011, while Lampard has scored two there for Chelsea since his first, for West Ham, in January 1999. Robbie Fowler has also scored thrice at Old Trafford, scoring both goals in a 2-2 draw in October 1995 and later scoring once in a 4-2 defeat for Manchester City in February 2004. Kevin Phillips is another one on three, having scored twice in a 3-2 defeat for Southampton in January 2004 to add to the one he scored in a 4-1 defeat for Sunderland two years earlier. Matt Le Tissier bagged three goals too, scoring twice to help Southampton secure a 3-3 draw in September 1999 after scoring once in a 2-1 defeat earlier that year. Others to score three are Emmanuel Adebayor (two for Arsenal, one for Spurs), Gabby Agbonlahor (all for Aston Villa), Eidur Gudjohnsen (all for Chelsea), Steven Gerrard, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, Danny Murphy and Mark Viduka.
Of the names Mr Reed (and several other emailers) mention, Shearer scored twice at Old Trafford, in two matches that Newcastle lost in 2002, while Henry scored Arsenal's only goal in a 6-1 defeat in February 2001. Steve Stone, Michael Owen, Yakubu, Mario Balotelli and numerous others, from Darren Ambrose to Gianfranco Zola, also have two to their name. Crouch's goal at Old Trafford in October was his first, as far as we can tell. Oh, and while we're on it, Les Ferdinand scored against United playing for four different clubs, as Bent has done, but he didn't score them all at Old Trafford. And his strike for Soccer Aid in 2006 doesn't count, since he was playing for the home side.
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BIGGEST AGGREGATE DEFEATS
"Spurs have lost to Man City 5-1 at home and 6-0 away: 11-1 on aggregate in the 2013-14 season. Has any other team suffered a worse aggregate defeat in a season?" wonders Mark Dowden.
This question prompted a flurry of emails to the Knowledge inbox – and not only from Spurs fans pointing out that their team topped that by beating Wigan 3-0 and 9-1 in the 2009-10 season (although they were in good number). "I humbly present three contenders," presents Charbel Boujaoude, humbly. "In 1891-92, Manchester United played Lincoln City in the Football Alliance (which became the second division later that year), defeating them 10-1 at home and 6-1 away, for an aggregate score of 16-2. Should you opt not to count the Football Alliance, here is an example from Scotland, from 1934-35. Rangers opened the season with a 7-1 stuffing of Dunfermline then beat them 8-1 in December for an aggregate of 15-2, thanks mainly to Jimmy Smith's 10 goals. And, just for fun, here is an entry from the 1894-95 Division Two season, when Manchester United beat Walsall Town Swifts 2-1 away, then 14-0 at home in a match that was later declared void. They won the replayed fixture 9-0. That gives United an aggregate win of 25-1."
"In 1946," says Adam Kitching, to whose surname we really want to add an exclamation mark, "Newcastle beat Stockport 13-0 in one second division match." Which is marginally better than Feyenoord's single-game 12-2 thumping of Reykjavik in 1969-70, and Nottingham Forest's 12-0 drubbing of Leicester Fosse in the 1909-10 season. As Michael Haughey and Malcolm Warbuton point out, Forest also beat Fosse 3-0 that season, racking up a 15-0 aggregate. Which amounts to a small crumb of comfort for the poor souls who, Frederick Windsor reminds us, not so long ago had to sit through Blackburn Rovers 7-0 Forest, Forest 1-5 Rovers (1995-95, 12-1 aggregate) and Manchester United 3-0 Forest, Forest 1-8 United (1998-99, 11-1 aggregate).
"Not certain if continental leagues count, but I can think of several scorelines that match or exceed such a blowout just by my club," boasts Cameron Climie, "as Barcelona has a long-standing tradition of absolutely taking the piss of out mid and lower-table teams: 11-1 aggregate against Almería in 2010-11, 11-0 against Rayo Vallecano in 2011-12. Real Madrid beat Sporting de Gijón 11-1 on aggregate in 2008-09. In the Premier League, Chelsea came close last season with their 10-1 aggregate over Aston Villa."
"In 1999-2000, our surreal first season under Ebbe Skovdahl (it took us until mid-September to actually score a league goal), Celtic owned us," says Aberdeen supporter Mark Alexander. "On the opening day we lost 5-0 at home; the first return at Parkhead in October finished 7-0; the week before Christmas it was 6-0 at home; and then, just to wrap things up, a 5-1 scudding at Parkhead in May. Oh yeah and they beat us 2-0 in the League Cup Final that season as well." The Knowledge is running out of fingers and toes but we make that 25-1. But then that is over five fixtures. "One other example that comes to mind from pre-multiple-fixture Scottish Division One," says Jeremy Simmonds, is Celtic's 9-1 (h) and 7-0 (a) wins over Clyde in the 1971-72 season, giving a remarkable aggregate of 16-1."
"I'm sure this won't be the worst overall," says Colin Bell, "but Grimsby have done worse twice in a single season. In the 1947-8 First Division, they lost 4-0 at home and 8-0 away to Arsenal, and 4-0 at home and 8-1 away to Wolves. Not coincidentally they finished bottom with a goal difference of -66."
That impressive goal difference brings us to our last tale, from Mark Power. "Strange to relate, Everton's best season in the Premiership (fourth place in 2004-5, lest we forget) was almost bookended by a pair of horror-shows against Arsenal. The first game of the season was against Arsenal, and a combination of the turmoil over the impending Rooney transfer and, well, Arsenal, consigned Everton to a 4-1 home defeat.
"Things bucked up after that, and to cut a long story short, Champions League qualification was secured with a 2-0 win against Newcastle. Huzzah! Unfortunately, there were two games left. The final one was a 3-2 defeat to Bolton. The penultimate game, four days after the Newcastle result, was against Arsenal. One can only assume that there had been extensive celebrations, since we left London on the wrong end of a 7-0 shoeing, thereby qualifying for the Champions League with a negative goal difference. Beat that, Spuds!" They appear to be trying, Mark.
DOUBLE DOUBLES
"Footballers don't get enough points these days for assists (except in Fantasy Football) in addition to the goals they score," harrumphs Gairik Datta. "Has anyone in the top divisions of the big leagues ever notched up a Double Double (if I may take a cue from basketball), ie 20+ goals, 20+ assists in a single season? Who is the most prolific 'all rounder' ever?"
"To the best of my knowledge, assists haven't been recorded consistently for that long and the records aren't that easy to come by," says James Hosie. Anyway, if we only look at the Premier League [why not, everyone else is etc and so on] then the only player to have recorded a 20+ goals and 20+ assists in a single season is Thierry Henry in 2002-03 when he scored 24 goals and made 23 assists. So by this measure he was at that time the most prolific all rounder ever (read: of the past few years).
"I would point out, however, that a double double in basketball is actually a performance in which a player accumulates a double-digit total in two statistical categories, so it's 10+ goals and 10+ assists. Achieving this in a season can also be considered a notable feat as there are not too many who do. In the Premier League since the turn of the century, 31 double doubles have been recorded by 18 different players. Henry has two of the top five, Frank Lampard and Wayne Rooney four times each, and Didier Drogba and Robin van Persie three times."
If we include all competitions, Cristiano Ronaldo once scored 23 goals and provided 20 assists for Manchester United (in 2006-07), but that looks a measly return compared to his last three full seasons as a Real Madrid player, in each of which he's scored a minimum of 56 goals and laid on at least 14 assists. Lionel Messi, of course, posts similar numbers, scoring 75 goals and setting up 18 goals last season. In 2011-12, he was credited with 27 assists. Ludicrous.
GOALKEEPERS AND SECOND YELLOWS
"Here's one I was mulling over yesterday afternoon," begins Mike Coxon, "following a spate of red cards for my ill-disciplined Manchester United side on Championship Manager 01-02 (the best instalment of the series I'm sure you'll agree). Has a goalkeeper ever been sent off for two bookable offences?"
"During Nottingham Forest's 'Golden Months' under Steve McClaren," begins Phil Pierce, struggling not to bite his tongue as he thinks back to 2011, "Forest found themselves deservedly 2-0 down at home to local rivals Leicester City when, in the 77th minute, Forest won a penalty. Kasper Schmeichel was not overly pleased with the decision and kicked the ball off the spot before Lewis McGuigan could take the penalty, which earned him a yellow card.
"McGuigan scored the penalty to make it 2-1 and as Forest players rushed to get the ball to restart the game, Schmeichel threw it out into the stand. Cue his second yellow card in the space of two minutes for time wasting. Forest equalised in the final minutes and it's fair to say Kasper's little fit cost Leicester the game." At which point Tom Locke takes up the story: "Schmeichel claimed that he hadn't realised he'd been booked the first time. Even more amusingly, it annoyed Sven-Goran Eriksson, who was Leicester manager at the time."
"I've certainly seen it this season," says Steve Lee. "Tom Heaton for Burnley against Brighton." Heaton was booked a second time for catching his own throw, despite the fact that Brighton's Will Buckley admitted the ball had touched his head between Heaton releasing it and catching it again. "Personally, I felt at the time the ref was evening things up with the second yellow," says Steve, "as he should have given a red first time round [when Heaton brought down Buckley in the first half]. The second yellow was soft, if within the law."
Also this season, as Quinten Taylor points out, Atlético Mineiro goalkeeper Victor was shown a second yellow at the end of a goalless draw with Internacional. Having been booked for time wasting earlier in the game, Victor picked the ball up at the end of the match and fair thwacked it into the stand behind him containing opposition supporters to attract his second yellow. "It wasn't a big deal," Victor said. "There are matches where you are spat at for the whole match and they throw other liquids which you can't identify."
"Actually," says Jaime Alonso, "the Internazionale goalkeeper Francesco Toldo was sent off for a double yellow card for wasting time in a Uefa Cup match against Valencia in 2002." Inter, under the cosh for most of the game, had already used their three subs when Toldo got his marching orders, leaving the midfielder Francisco Farinós (5ft 8in tall and himself on a yellow card) to guard the net for the remaining few minutes. Which he did. "I guess many fantasy football fans went crazy trying to work out how many points so many saves and a red card got," says Jaime.
The final nomination, from Dan Tillson and Richard Cole, takes us back to 1994-95, when the Aston Villa keeper Mark Bosnich was shown two yellows for unsporting behaviour against Leeds United. Villa were a point above the relegation zone when they travelled to Elland Road to face sixth-placed Leeds, and were holding out for a goalless draw when Bosnich pushed the referee's patience too far with a spot of time-wasting in the 87th minute. Nigel Spink came on to replace him but couldn't keep Carlton Palmer's strike out a few minutes later. Villa had to travel back to the Midlands empty handed, though they survived the drop thanks to an unbeaten finish to the season.
KNOWLEDGE ARCHIVE
"During Blackburn's recent 7-1 thrashing of West Ham, I noticed that all of Blackburn's goals were scored by different players. Has this happened before?" asked Mark Thomas in 2001.
It certainly had. Eddie Taylor said the first time it ever happened was in 1967, when Leeds beat Chelsea 7-0 at Elland Road. Incidentally, the English League record stands at eight different scorers, achieved – as Rob White and several others pointed out – by Liverpool when they beat Crystal Palace 9-0 in Division One on 12 September 1989. "Those scorers were Steve Nicol (2), Steve McMahon, Ian Rush, Kevin Gillespie, Peter Beardsley, John Aldridge (pen), John Barnes and Glen Hysen," said Rob. "Fifteen years before that (September 1974) Liverpool had nine different scorers when they won 11-0 at home to Stromsgodset (Norway) in the Cup Winners' Cup first round, first leg," he added.
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CAN YOU HELP?
"What is the biggest defeat ever suffered by a league leader?" asks Simon Robertson.
"Liverpool led Arsenal 4-0 inside 19 minutes on Saturday," emails Josh Smith. "I remember Manchester United leading 3-0 after six minutes at Reading, and Plymouth being 5-0 ahead after 18," but have there been any faster starts to a game?"
"I noticed that my brother shares his birthday (5 February) with Gheorghe Hagi, Giovanni van Bronckhorst, Carlos Tévez, Cristiano Ronaldo, Vedran Corluka, Manuel Fernandes, Neymar and Adnan Januzaj," begins Richard Bald. "This is the beginning of a fairly tasty looking team, which got me wondering which day of the year could field the best team of players born that day?"
"Which outfield player has the best record in goal? Best minutes-per-goal-conceded ratio?" tweets 'fictional'.
"Twenty-year-old Gillingham player Nathan Nyafli announced his retirement due to injury this week," writes James Morgan. "His senior record stands at one substitute appearance, one goal (he came on as a 64th-minute sub against Burton in the final game last season after the Gills had already secured the league title). Does any other player have such a record?"
"In the Premier League game against Manchester City on 3 February, Chelsea's starting line-up included David Luiz and Nemanja Matic," emails Chai in Atlanta. "In his previous stint at Chelsea, Matic was included as a 'makeweight' in the deal to sign David Luiz from Benfica. Have there been previous occasions when players swapped between clubs played together on the same team at club level? If not for the original clubs involved in the swap, maybe for a third club?"
"The Premier Cup game between Holmer Green and Colney Heath was abandoned on full-time at 6-6 with the referee deciding to abandon rather than go into extra-time," writes Duncan Turton. "Has there ever been an abandonment with a score higher than 6-6?"
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