"Some weeks I walk off the field and think: 'God, I'm useless'." Not the words you expect to hear from Jonny Wilkinson weeks after being nominated for European Player of the Year – an award he won last year – but with a busy schedule for Toulon in the Top 14 and the Heineken Cup, the 34-year-old is wavering on if his body can take the rigours of modern rugby for another year, or if he should retire.
"I'm taking it game by game," said the former England fly-half. "One thing I don't want to do is put myself in a position where the desire and the enjoyment is no longer there. That is hugely unfair to whoever I'm playing with. It's a day-by-day thing."
Wilkinson's potential retirement would be a huge loss for the game, not least for Toulon, where he has become not just a leader but a mentor to some of the club's younger players – Mathieu Bastareaud recently credited the Englishman with transforming him from a "lazy little boy" to the 17st 4lb wrecking ball of a centre he is now.
"My role is developing," he added. "I now spend most of the week in training, helping my team-mates approach the game differently. I've accepted that for a long time, but that doesn't change the fact that, deep down, I cannot stop competing."
It is this hunger for the game that has given fans hope that he will not call it quits, and with the Wales No15 Leigh Halfpenny joining next season, it is an exciting time for the club. But has the British & Irish Lion been signed to complement Wilkinson or to replace him as a goalkicker? The older man refuses to be drawn on the subject. "I like the fact that Leigh is coming," replied Wilkinson with a smile. "But the key is the success and the legacy of Toulon."
Creating a club legacy is at odds with international success these days – Wilkinson turned down the opportunity to join the Lions last year, instead leading Toulon to Heineken Cup victory, a tournament that Wilkinson calls "very important for England." Another former England No10, Toby Flood, sought advice from Wilkinson before deciding last month to sign for Toulouse at the end of the season, a move that saw the man with 60 caps to his name immediately dropped from England's elite squad.
"I was asking Toby what he was feeling age-wise, what he was feeling body-wise. His development from our time at Newcastle, to the structure of Leicester means I felt he was definitely capable [of joining Toulouse]. He feels he wants to learn a different way of playing," said Wilkinson, before stating his belief that Flood's departure from the international scene does not leave England significantly weaker for the Six Nations and next year's home World Cup.
"A lack of experience is difficult but how do you ever play a youngster without giving them that first shot?" said Wilkinson, who was speaking at the launch of the 2015 World Cup's volunteer programme.
"It would concern me if experimentation was coming at a cost of performances. But these players are fitting in right away internationally. We've created a scenario like New Zealand where there is never that rebuilding phase because the guys come in and take it on.
"I was at the game against France and was incredibly impressed. There's a strong foundation for 2015, which wasn't there building up to the 2011 World Cup. Back then, experimentation was coming at the expense of gameplan; where the team would fit round the player, rather than the other way round."
Wilkinson added: "I see a real unity now, and I'm more than confident in the depth of England No10s, with Owen Farrell, Freddie Burns and George Ford. They are young, but don't just have one way of playing, they have the ability to do whatever, to exploit space, kick to the corner, or drop goal."
