On that actual bombshell, I’m going to wrap this blog up. Thanks for your company and all the emails. Please join us again in the morning. The match is still up for grabs but we can predict one thing without fear of contradiction: it’s going to be emotional. Even more emotional.

Stuart Broad continues

Pressure is part of the addiction of Test match cricket. I still feel it now, bowling the first ball of an innings or trying to set the tone for the team. I do love that feeling. You can’t replicate it but you have to find other ways to get that feeling again.

Read more on Stuart Broad’s retirement

Stuart Broad on his career highlights

The 8-15 [against Australia in 2015] was such a special day, particularly at Trent Bridge, but the Johannesburg five-for [in 2016] was the most pumped-up I’ve been on a cricket field. Saturday at the Wanderers, an absolute beast of a ground to play at; it really feels like you’re in Saturday’s backyard. That was pretty cool.

[On the word ‘competitor’] That’s what I based my whole game on. I need my emotions to be right at the top, and that’s part of why Ashes cricket brought out the best in me. The competitiveness is pretty extreme. I know I’ve bowled my best spells when my emotions are flying high and the knees are pumping. The competitive side of the game is something I absolutely love.

[On his debut] It was a pretty long week. I think on Hawkeye, Colombo is the flattest pitch in the world. It taught me everything I needed to know about Test cricket: 45 degrees, roasting hot, flat pitch, we were in the field for two days. I remember I was at mid-off when Jayawardene came in, and his highest scores came up on the big screen: 270, 260, etc, all on this ground. I thought, ‘That’s not good.’ And he got a double-hundred in that game as well.

It was after Christmas, in New Zealand, when Jimmy and I played together that it felt like a chance to make the shirt yours. That’s when I started to settle as a Test cricketer.

Just one more thing. Jimmy saw him off!

Watch Stuart Broad announce his retirement

“I’m 58,” says Peter Gibbs, “and I’m crying.”

I think the surprise has made it so much more emotional. That and the fact he’s been a constant in our lives for more than 15 years. What a champion, and what a character: skilful, whipsmart, ferociously competitive, a brazen wind-up-merchant, an occasionally hilarious straight-talker - and even in the twilight of his career, a self-improvement addict.

The Broad rampage has been one of the most exhilarating, joyous sights in English cricket. And nobody, not even Sir Ian Botham, has been player of the match in three Ashes-winning victories. Broad has: the Oval 2009, Durham 2013, Trent Bridge 2015.

He’s right; he couldn’t end his career against anybody else.

‘I’ll give it a red-hot go over the next couple of days’

I feel like I’m bowling well, and the body feels great. I could have carried on. But it’s the right time.

[The rest of the game] will be awesome – lots of emotions, but they’re all positive emotions. It’s been a wonderful series, and I’m really proud I’ve been available for all five Tests and the Ireland game. I didn’t think in my wildest expectations that would happen. There’s everything to look forward to; I don’t feel like I’ll leave the game with any regrets. I’ll give it, as Pete Moores would say, a red-hot go over the next couple of days.

More from Stuart Broad

No, Ben didn’t [try to talk him out of it]. I hadn’t mentioned it to him beforehand. I wanted to make sure I was clear in my mind, and I wasn’t going in for a negotiation! I told Jimmy and Rooty. I’m the chairperson of our little football game in the morning so I passed over the chair to Ben Duckett with an official Premier League matchball, and added at the end that this would be my last game.

He looks totally at peace. You flippin’ would be, wouldn’t you, after that career.

More from Stuart Broad

I was a bit emotional, and even until last night I wasn’t entirely sure. Once I went to Stokesy’s room and told him I just felt really happy. I’m content with everything I’ve achieved in the game. Ultimately, I knew I wanted to retire while I still loved cricket, and my lasting memories being of a really enjoyable changing-room. I wanted to walk away while playing with a group of players I love to bits.

This a real JFK moment: Stuart Broad, England’s greatest Ashes competitor of the last 35 years, will bowl for the final time in the second innings. I can’t spake, or even tape. It’s been raining on my face, okay.

On Sky Sports, Nasser Hussain nails it

I came down for the last 10 minutes to watch with the crowd. That atmosphere, with Jimmy reverse-sweeping and the crowd singing ‘Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy'… I sat there thinking, I never want this series to end. It’s so much fun.

That was England’s day, and they strong favourites to make it 2-2. Zak Crawley, Joe Root and Jonny Bairstow made sparkling fifties, and at 332-4 it looked almost impossible for Australia to win the game. They kept chipping away, a theme of the entire series, and have an outside chance of a mighty runchase. The fitness of Moeen Ali will be important, because Todd Murphy got some sharp turn in the evening session.

“I’m sure the English hated him when they played him,” says Dechlan Brennan, “but having listened to him on comms all series, one of my overriding takeaways is how good Australia would be with Ricky Ponting as coach. He seems to have an amazing knack to know exactly where every ball is going and every wicket is coming from.”

I agree. His micro-analysis is phenomenal.

79th over: England 380-9 (Broad 1, Anderson 0) There’s a certain poignancy to this passage of play, which beyond the usual end-of-term feeling that pervades the last Test of the series. There are 16 thirtysomethings playing in this game, so many of them will not bat or bowl again in an Ashes Test. Some of them won’t bat or bowl again in any Test.

Anderson is hit on the arm by Starc and almost falls on his stumps. A similar thing happens next ball, which leads to the commentators to reference a famous incident on this ground in 1991. Even after 32 years, it’s instant serotonin.

78th over: England 379-9 (Broad 0, Anderson 0) The crowd, liberated as only a post-6pm crowd can be, are cheering Anderson’s every stroke.

Anderson is not out. He tried to reverse sweep Murphy, and missed it.

Australia review for caught behind against Anderson. It’s past 6.20pm now so they are safe to take a wicket.

Australia call for some shinpads and a helmet to waste time, because if they take a wicket before 6.20pm they will have to face an over tonight. Ben Stokes should declare in the name of craic.

77th over: England 375-8 (Wood 4, Broad 0) “Sending Mo in really stalled momentum,” says Henry Amphlett. “Stopped Bairstow in full flight.”

Hang on, he had a strike rate of 76! I do know what you mean – Bairstow loves a quick single, better still a quick two, and they were off the table. But I’d argue his momentum had stalled before Moeen arrived: he made six runs in seven overs leading up to Root’s dismissal.

76th over: England 373-7 (Ali 28, Wood 4) “Unfortunately, this series doesn’t come close to 2005, at least in England, for the simple reason that it’s not on terrestrial TV,” writes Alex Wilson. “The myth doesn’t overstate how popular cricket was that summer - the 2005 series really did burst into the mainstream and become an obsession for the entire country.”

Thanks a lot for all your emails today. It’s usually quieter at weekends but we’ve had loads, and I’ve only had time to read around half of them. In short: it’s not me, it’s you. All of you.

Wood is not out! Yep, it was too high. Wood came down the track and was hit on the flap of the pad by a big-spinning offbreak, one that will encourage Moeen Ali if he’s able to bowl. It was bouncing over the stumps and might have missed leg stump as well.

England review! Wood given out LBW to Murphy That looked all wrong – too high, maybe outside the line – but it’s been given.

75th over: England 371-7 (Ali 28, Wood 2) Moeen hooks Starc for four more, despite the best efforts of Smith at deep backward square. He jumped after the ball as it bounced over the boundary and clattered into one of the advertising boards. He’s hobbling a bit but seems okay.

74th over: England 364-6 (Ali 21, Woakes 1) Starc’s dismissal of Bairstow also makes him the leading wickettaker in the series, at least for now: Starc 21, Broad 20, Cummins 18.

Woakes is not out! He was hit in line, but it was only just hitting the top of the bails: umpire’s call, not out.

Erm, he wasn’t outside the line. This is really close.

Australia review for LBW against Woakes! This is close, though I reckon he was just outside the line when he missed a defensive lazy push at Murphy.

73rd over: England 360-6 (Ali 20, Woakes 0) Chris Woakes survives a run-out chance first ball. He was sent back by Moeen and was well short when Labuschagne’s throw from midwicket missed the stumps.

“The big difference between 2005 and 2023 is that in 2005 the narrative of who was going to get the urn went down to the penultimate session,” writes Steve Laville. “If the rain had relented at Old Trafford and England made it across the line, then this series truly would have been even more one for the ages, as it is, it just feels a little bit deflating...”

Yes, that’s the clincher. I’d say the quality of cricket was also higher in 2005. And we shouldn’t forget another very important difference: we were all 18 years younger.

Bairstow is not out! And so there was. Starc came around the wicket to Bairstow, who whipped across the line and was hit in front of middle and leg. Replays showed a spike as the ball went past the bat, though there also seemed to be a gap between bat and ball.

Australia review for LBW against Bairstow! This looks close, though I think Kumar Dharmasena signalled he thought there was an inside-edge.

72nd over: England 361-5 (Bairstow 78, Ali 20) More cheers for Hazlewood when he fields a ball at long-on. There are no signs of an imminent declaration, no century dash from Bairstow, so I think England will bat until the close.

“Afternoon, Rob,” says Phil Sawyer. “Currently drinking M&S tins of strawberry daiquiri, because I am class, and enjoying this passage of play. I’ve missed a lot of the noise around this series; what with one thing and another life has other distractions nowadays. However, I’ve caught quite a lot of the play itself and I’ve really enjoyed it.

“Perhaps because I haven’t been paying attention to a lot of that background hubbub, I’ve watched a series in which two very evenly matched teams adopt interestingly juxtaposed approaches to the game, and pretty much every day, even at times every session, has felt important and seen the pendulum of that nebulous concept momentum swing from one team to the other. I think it’s been a good ‘un.”

Oh it’s been a classic, the kind of sport that briefly makes you feel 20 years younger.

71st over: England 358-5 (Bairstow 77, Ali 19) Moeen is fine to bat on. The short stuff continues, so Moeen takes it on with a top-edged hook towards fine leg. Hazlewood runs round the boundary, swoops forward… and doesn’t get a touch on the ball. It bounces away for four to the delight of the crowd, who sarcastically cheer Hazlewood when he completes a routine bit of fielding later in the over.

70.1 overs: England 353-5 (Bairstow 77, Ali 14) Starc bounces Moeen, who can’t get out of the way and gloves the ball onto the side of the helmet. There’s a break in play while he is checked for concussion.

70th over: England 353-5 (Bairstow 77, Ali 14) Bairstow, who has been quiet for the last 20 minutes or so, sweeps Murphy round the corner for four to bring up England’s 350. He’s 23 away from a cathartic century.

“G’day Rob,” writes Chris Paraskevas. “I was still in high school during that 2005 series and it was the first overseas tour I’d truly committed to watching on the tele. Whilst this series is one of the most enjoyable since the Broad-Non-Walk-Series, it doesn’t come close to the ‘05 vintage. The issue with this series is that neither team have been at their best (coaches, staff and players included) and it has always felt like something is missing. Plus, at least three players in that series had quintessential noughties dyed streaks in their hair (Anderson, Pietersen, SKW) in the style of 5IVE or some such boyband.”

Ah yes, but did they have bucket hats? (Since you asked, I think it’s been the most exhilarating Ashes since 2005. I doubt anything in my lifetime will top that, though there are some very good judges who would put this series above 2005 and 1981.)

69th over: England 347-5 (Bairstow 72, Ali 13) Mitchell Starc, who has bowled the only maiden in this innings, replaces Pat Cummins. Moeen greets him with a delightful on-drive for four, and a couple of singles extend England’s lead to 335.

It’s kind of fitting that Moeen – whose Test career has been a story of selflessness, often to a fault - is batting out of position and with an injury in what will probably be his last innings.

Hang on, we’ve an update from Benjie Goodhart. “And now, finally, an AA van has turned up… AND IT’S NOT EVEN FOR ME!!!”

68th over: England 341-5 (Bairstow 71, Ali 8) Moeen gets down on one knee to sweep Murphy firmly for four. That suggests his groin injury has improved, so perhaps he will be able to bowl.

“Oh Rob!” writes our very own Benjie Goodhart. “We cut short our summer holiday to come back for my niece’s wedding in Wiltshire. Set off at 9am this morning full of hope and brio. Right up until the moment I filled the car with the wrong petrol at Cobham services. Two hours on the hard shoulder, followed by a tow to a garage in Chertsey. Wife and kids got a very expensive Uber to the wedding, while I’m waiting three hours for the AA to come and empty my tank. I should make it for the last dance. The OBO, TMS and Jonny Bairstow are all that’s keeping me sane. Pray for me.”

“I agree this series has been remarkable in so many ways,” writes Peter Colledge. “I see two mediocre teams who are so evenly matched that a couple of wickets or a several extra runs will produce a result. I am somewhat of a purist in Test cricket and Khawaja’s innings yesterday has been widely derided; I doubt Geoffrey Boycott would see it that way, and I agree with him, almost uniquely. Botham did the right thing all those years ago when Boycott had taken things too far, but in the main, there is nothing wrong with defending one’s wicket.”

I was surprised by the extent of the criticism of Australia’s approach yesterday morning. Their plan – to tire out England’s geriatricos and cash in at the back end – was sound enough. But they didn’t rotate the strike enough, which allowed England to lock in and build pressure. As with so much of this series, you can argue it both ways. One legitimate interpretation of the 2023 Ashes is that Australia won it because Usman Khawaja batted for 518 balls at Edgbaston.

67th over: England 336-5 (Bairstow 71, Ali 3) Moeen looks comfortable so far, though all the singles have involved gentle jogging. Three from Cummins’ over; England lead by 324, and that’s drinks.

“‘I suspect most of us will look back on this as one of the most enjoyable series of our life, yet it hasn’t felt that way in real time,’” says James Robinson, quoting an earlier comment. “It has.”

I’m glad it has for you. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved it for the most part. But one of the features of the series, or at least my experience of it, has been the amount of negativity. Maybe it’s a work thing, having to look at Twitter, etc.

66th over: England 333-5 (Bairstow 70, Ali 1) Moeen Ali comes in at No7. We have no idea how fit he is, or whether he might be able to bowl tomorrow. It’s possible that this is the last act of his Test career. He gets off the mark with a jogged single on the leg side.

65th over: England 332-4 (Root 91, Bairstow 70) Root flicks Cummins for two to bring up another hundred partnership with his old mate. It’s their 12th in Tests, just three short of the England record set by Jack Hobbs and Herbert Sutcliffe.

Cummins follows Root with a superb short ball that hits high on the bat and flies over slip for four. Root makes it back-to-back boundaries with a classic extra-cover drive.

“On the subject of Dan Lucas,” says Max Williams, “this article in his memory by his partner Elizabeth Aubrey is a beautiful piece of writing. I never knew the man but anyone who inspires such a eulogy must have done something right.”

64th over: England 321-4 (Root 80, Bairstow 70) Root works Marsh for a single to move into the eighties. The second half of his innings – 30 from 55 balls with one four – has been a masterclass in unobtrusive, low-risk accumulation.

“So,” says Gary Naylor, “declaration at 6pm?”

Scriptwriters love a callback, don’t they, and Ben Stokes has been writing scripts for about a decade. It wouldn’t shock me, because the forecast for the next two days is mixed, but on balance it might be more beneficial to give the bowlers a full day off. I still think it was a dreadful decision at Edgbaston, which cost England the game and probably the series. And yet, for reasons I don’t entirely understand, it doesn’t irritate me anywhere near as much now as it did at the time.

63rd over: England 319-4 (Root 79, Bairstow 69) Cummins tries to make something happen by bringing himself on, and almost gets the job done when Root fresh-airs a cover drive. He had a mid-series wobble, sure, but Cummins has performed admirably this summer, coping manfully with a burden that no other captain in the history of cricket has experienced: six Tests in eight weeks, as a bowling captain, five of them against the most attacking batting line-up we’ve ever seen. It would have broken 99.94 per cent of human beings; it almost broke Cummins.

62nd over: England 318-4 (Root 79, Bairstow 68) Bairstow plays tip and run into the covers, where Cummins doesn’t pick up cleanly. It wouldn’t have been a run-out chance anyway. Australia, as Ricky Ponting says on Sky, look like they are waiting for something to happen.

“How good is it watching Root and seeing how his game has developed in the last year,” says Dave Forrest. “He certainly wasn’t sat round by the pool when out of the Royals team in the IPL. So much variety and confidence in his strokemaking.”

And joy, too. That’s always been a part of his batting, even when he was struggling as captain, but he has been even more mischievous. That said, I feel like he’s had a slightly disappointing series. With the way he played at Edgbaston I thought he’d pass 500 runs with ease.

61st over: England 317-4 (Root 79, Bairstow 67) Hazlewood has a strangled LBW shout against Root, who was well outside the line at the point of contact. Australia’s bowlers are starting to look a bit glassy-eyed, no surprise given the labours of the past two months.

60th over: England 316-4 (Root 79, Bairstow 66) A weary Mitch Marsh comes into the attack, and Root flicks a loose delivery for four. That’s his first boundary in 20 overs. And he’s still going at almost a run a ball overall: 79 from 85. England lead by 304.

“Bairstow just got to 300 runs for the series, joining Crawley, Duckett, Root, Brook, Stokes,” says Tom Bowtell. “In 2005 & 2010/11 we had five batters getting to 300 - but struggling to think of the last time we had six in the Ashes (or anywhere else for that matter) . Maybe the 1930s?”

It wasn’t 1989; you can have that insight for free. I’m pretty sure this is the first time England have done it in an Ashes series. Australia have managed it loads of times, most recently in 2013-14.

58th over: England 310-4 (Root 74, Bairstow 65) Joe Root is a one-trick pony. That trick is to take a run off the first ball of an over to get Bairstow on strike. This time there’s no bish-bosh, just a single from Bairstow and another for Root.

“Good point by Will Vignoles,” says Mark Hooper. “In 2005, the OBO WAS our social media - and still is! God bless all who sail in her.”

It’s really interesting to note how it has evolved, for richer and poorer. The 2005 book is about half the size of the 2010-11 one, for one thing. And had England come from behind to win 3-2, a 2023 book would have given Tolstoy a run for his pagination.

57th over: England 298-4 (Root 71, Bairstow 56) Hazlewood replaces Starc, who hasn’t been at his best today. Bairstow turns him round the corner and steals a second run. He is such a brilliant runner; has been ever since his international debut at Cardiff in 2011, when he beat India with a flurry of twos.

A handsome, almost languid cover drive for four brings up a dominant half-century, his third of the series, from 60 balls. His finesse is overshadowed by his awesome power, but he knows how to use a scalpel as well as a sledgehammer. When Hazlewood drops short outside off, Bairstow glides delightfully for four more. An eventful over ends with a snorter from Hazlewood that lifts and seams past the edge.

56th over: England 288-4 (Root 71, Bairstow 46) Root and Bairstow were two of the people who failed to put Australia away in the third innings at Edgbaston, and there has been a quiet ruthlessness to this partnership.

Murphy slips another one past Bairstow’s outside edge. That’s about it.

55th over: England 286-4 (Root 70, Bairstow 45) “One key thing you’ve not mentioned about this series vs 2005,” says Will Vignoles, “is that in 2005, social media didn’t exist…”

Yes, that’s the big difference I suppose. This has definitely been the noisiest Ashes I can remember. I don’t know whether social media has changed the tone of the conversations or simply the volume of them.

54th over: England 283-4 (Root 68, Bairstow 44) In the same over that Stokes was out, Root reached his fifty from 42 balls. Just before that he hit Starc for three consecutive fours, and looked in the mood to have some fun. But Stokes and then Brook were dismissed, so he changed tempo: since then he has made 18 from 30 balls, none in boundaries.

As well as protecting his wicket, Root knows it’s sensible to play a supporting role when Bairstow is in this mood. Bairstow gets his sixth four with a thumping cut stroke off Murphy.

53rd over: England 276-4 (Root 67, Bairstow 38) Root is beaten by a low full toss from Starc, bowling round the wicket now. It’s been a sedate start to the evening session.

“There seems to be this wild theory that if England hadn’t dropped any catches and scored 1,000 runs every Test without losing a wicket they would have won the Ashes,” writes Andrew Moore. “Perhaps, if England do win this game, we should respect the achievement of coming back from 2-0 down. I can’t think of any occasion this has happened since the famous Bradman series in 1936-37. Surely the team deserve recognition rather than tearing them apart for failing to play perfect cricket all the time?”

When we’re old – okay, older – I suspect most of us will look back on this as one of the most enjoyable series of our life, yet it hasn’t felt that way in real time. Perhaps 2005 was the same and we just airbrushed the misery and moaning. But it does feel like we’ve never been so angry or entitled. Ach, I don’t know.

52nd over: England 272-4 (Root 65, Bairstow 37) Root checks a drive that lands just short of the bowler Murphy, who has started well after tea. Bairstow drives a single to bring up the fifty partnership, the fourth of the innings, from 66 balls.

“Although I do not watch cricket much, England’s Bazball approach seems to be very similar to Jurgen Klopp’s ‘intensity’ based counter pressing Liverpool team,” says Rwik Chattopadhyay. “Continuous attacking and never taking the foot off the pedal, resulting in a slightly chaotic match that might see them lose — but hey, it’s never boring!”

I can definitely see comparisons with Klopp’s Liverpool. That said, I’m writing a book (well, I’m supposed to be), on the Arsenal/Man Utd rivalry, and I wonder whether the football equivalent of Bazball is Arsene Wenger’s first great Arsenal team. The style of play changed instantly, results improved beyond recognition, and a bunch of grizzled, set-in-their-ways old buggers having the most fun of their entire career. I can’t recall seeing Tony Adams and Steve Bould sporting bucket hats though.

51st over: England 270-4 (Root 64, Bairstow 36) Mitchell Starc comes on at the other end, which is never a bad idea with Bairstow on strike. He’s got Bairstow 11 times in Tests, more than any other bowler. Nothing much happens, just a few singles. England lead by 258.

“Your mention of his father’s RNLI appeal triggered fond memories of Dan Lucas on the OBO during tour of India in November 2016,” writes Brian Withington, “where we shared an (unpublishable) e-mail exchange on the comparable merits of Trump in the White House and Botham in the commentary box (it was a low time).

“Later that year we mused about mimicking the World Series baseball route with a best of seven series between England and India at alternating venues, wondering how India might enjoy flaying England’s spinners in Mumbai before facing Jimmy at Headingley in late November. Gone but not forgotten.”

50th over: England 267-4 (Root 62, Bairstow 35) Todd Murphy continues after tea. His first ball beats Bairstow, who driving impatiently outside off stump, and there are two singles from the over.

“The match equation is quite simple now,” says Peter Rowntree. “If YJB is still there at close of play England will have so many runs on the board that this match will be out of Australia’s reach.”

Close of play? The mood he was in before tea, if he’s there at 5pm Australia will be chasing a record score.

Here come the players. And here’s a typically good spot from Tim, who reads a scorecard better than anyone.

The football analogies keep coming (tbf, this is a good one)

“To paraphrase Jeremy Irons in Margin Call, there are three ways to win in cricket: be first; be smarter; or cheat,” says Nick Walmsley. “Now, England don’t cheat [*ahem*]. And although I like to think McCullum and Stokes are pretty smart people, it sure is a hell of a lot easier to just be first.

“Australia were first out of the blocks and went two-up and since then England have been chasing the series. It would have been a lot easier if England had just won those Tests by cutting out the missed chances and daffy strokes. Shades too here of Italy-Brazil in 1982.”

Teatime appeal: Dan Lucas

It’s almost six and a half years since Andy Bull called me with the shocking news that Dan Lucas, a star of the OBO on both sides of the fence, had died aged 31. Please read this message from his dad Gary.

A few years ago, my son Dan, late of the OBO parish of course, managed to persuade/cajole/inspire (take your pick) OBOers to support me on a fundraising bike ride for the RNLI.

To mark the imminent arrival of my bus pass, I am again getting in the saddle to raise money towards a much needed new lifeboat station in Dartmouth, by cycling 100 miles in a New Forest Sportive on 17 September.

So I wondered whether you would be able to ask your readers to support me? The fundraising link is as follows: Dart RNLI Lifeboat Station Appeal (if possible could they reference ‘Gary’s Bike Ride’ with any donation).

“Guardiola vs Jose is nonsense,” writes Felix Wood. “England have been typified by their lack of control, which no Pep side has ever been accused of. Keegan’s Newcastle vs George Graham’s Arsenal, if anything, which has the advantage of being just a better era of football/life. And frankly the England having the better conditions argument is a bit spurious.

“They have in the main, but Aus had that crucial twenty minutes in the dark, and have possibly had key moments of luck - notably the Brook freak dismissal, and the rain at Old Trafford, and I’d argue (in a slightly one eyed fashion) the Smith catch at Lord’s. Injuries have taken key players out for both sides. So why bother nit-picking? Why not just enjoy two great sides going toe-to-toe in a series where even in its quiet moments has been impossible to take your eyes off?”

While I broadly agree with you… haven’t you just picked a load of nits?

48th over: England 262-4 (Root 61, Bairstow 31) Bairstow biffs Murphy’s first ball straight back over his head for four. He has raced to 31 from 30 balls; Root has 61 from 57. This is England?

“I think the Burley-in-Wharfedale Blaster deserves a shade above B+ for the value of his innings in the run-chase at Headingley,” says Tim Sanders of Harry Brook. “Even his dismissal was a masterstroke, so that Mark Wood could fulfil his Destiny.”

47th over: England 256-4 (Root 60, Bairstow 26) Bairstow is looking really dangerous. He works Hazlewood off the pads for four, steals two to deep cover and uppercuts a contemptuous boundary. Ten runs off the last three balls of the over.

46th over: England 244-4 (Root 59, Bairstow 15) Murphy, back on for Cummins, skids one past Bairstow’s defensive grope. He looked a little rattled before Stokes’s wicket but for the most part his temperament has been impressive in this series. I cannot imagine what it’s like for a 22-year-old spinner, with almost no first-class experience, to walk into Hurricane Bazball.

“What seems to be lost in the fog of hypothesising and theorising over Bazball - now transmuted to Guardiola v Mourinho, LOL - is that England have had the best of the batting and bowling conditions throughout,” says Darryl Accone. “If one were to venture yet another hypothesis and flip all the innings of the series around, one would find a very different story: Arrigo Sacchi v Guardiola. LOL!”

Arf. That’s an important point about conditions. I can’t remember an Ashes series with as much nuance – or as much dogmatism. That should be a contradiction.

45th over: England 242-4 (Root 58, Bairstow 14) Bairstow thumps Hazlewood through the covers for four more. He looks in the mood for some cathartic bish-bosh.

“My name, as you know. is John and I am proud of it,” writes John Jones. “That response (41st over) was uncalled for as I am entitled to my opinion. I was man enough to apologise after upsetting your sensibilities previously and perhaps you could do the same.”

Well, it was meant as an affectionate joke, but I’m sincerely sorry I was unable to convey that.

44th over: England 236-4 (Root 58, Bairstow 8) Bairstow gets his first boundary, slapping Cummins brusquely past backward point. From an England perspective, He has started promisingly.

“Just one Q, Roberto,” says Paul Griffin. “ A simple one. How have England not managed to win this series at a canter? Yup, they were unlucky with the weather but have dominated session after session. It’s not quite Milan in Istanbul, but England seem tactically dominant, with better players, and psychological setting the agenda, yet the urn stays metaphorically in Aus. Congratulations to them. Khawaja, Marsh and the keeper have been good, but that’s about it in terms of making a combined XI. I genuinely can‘t understand it.”

I have a half-arsed theory that you shouldn’t judge a World Cup until at least six months after the final. I’m starting to feel the same way about this series. It has been such a brainbender, and I can’t remember a noisier Ashes series, so it feels like we need to let the dust settle before we can make sense of it all.

I suspect there’s also a small bit of recency bias, given the way the series has developed. For example, the Bairstow business and Stokes’s genius have partially overshadowed what was a pretty emphatic victory at Lord’s.

Ultimately, I guess it all comes down to that operatic last hour at Edgbaston. A rare example of a decisive plot twist at the end of the first act.

43rd over: England 230-4 (Root 57, Bairstow 3) Bairstow chases a wide one from Hazlewood, pinging it through extra cover for a couple. He has dragged a couple of those on in this series but there’s no chance he’s going to ignore a ball like that. England lead by 218.

“Your colleague termed Murphy a ‘bespectacled tweaker’,” writes Ian Copestake. “I have watched too much Wire in my time not to misinterpret this.”

There are no respectable tweakers in the Wire, mate.

42nd over: England 226-4 (Root 56, Bairstow 1) Pat Cummins knows it’s probably now or never if Australia are to win this game, so he’s back on in place of Todd Murphy (7-0-47-1). Root, who was batting with extravagant freedom before Stokes’s dismissal, may have to rein it in for a bit. He does, sort of, collecting four from as many balls, but not in boundaries.

41st over: England 222-4 (Root 52, Bairstow 0) We don’t know if or where Moeen Ali will bat, so Australia have a sniff here.

Brook’s Ashes, meanwhile: 363 runs at 40.33, with four fifties and a strike rate of 79. B+.

“Run rates,” says John Jones. “Blah. blah and blah. Simple fact is that Australia have come to England, the in-form team in world cricket, and retained the Ashes. Job done.”

Afternoon José.

40th over: England 221-3 (Root 51, Brook 7) Earlier in the over Root turned Murphy for a single to reach a 42-ball fifty, with eight fours and a reverse ramp.

Stokes ends the series with 405 runs at 45, a record that includes 15 sixes – a record in a series against Australia - and one mind-blowing innings.

Talking of sixes, the new batter Harry Brook has just smashed his second ball straight back over Murphy’s head. That went miles back. His swagger and audacity are Pietersenian.

39th over: England 212-2 (Stokes 42, Root 49) Root is beaten, trying to cut a ball from Starc that cramps him for room. That shot, though he plays it extremely well for the most part, has got him into a bit of trouble in this series.

He times the undercrackers off an on-drive, bottom-edges a cut that bounces over Carey and makes it three boundaries in a row with a delicate uppercut. When he bats like this, he spreads joy on an industrial scale. There are more exhilarating batters, more admirable, but few who make life feel so enjoyable. A single takes him to 49 from 41 balls; he must be on course for his fastest Test fifty.

38th over: England 199-2 (Stokes 42, Root 36) The calculated assault on Murphy is starting to have an impact. His first ball is loose, on leg stump and turned fine for four by Stokes. A couple of singles continue England’s serene progress; they lead by 187.

Cheers Jim, afternoon everyone. Let’s start with a euphoric statgasm. England’s run-rate in these Ashes, 4.76 as I type, is the second fastest in a Test series of three matches or more. Top of the list is, yep, England in Pakistan last year (5.50). No team has ever scored four an over in a Test series against Australia. England may not have got the urn they wanted, but they have done something extraordinary this summer.

37th over: England 193-2 (Stokes 37, Root 35) The fifty partnership between Root and Stokes is brought up in style, Starc sends down an 88mph short ball that Root slots to the fence. He made that look so easy it is frankly ridiculous. Speaking of which, that is me done here today. The OBO doyen Rob Smyth is here, he crunches these liveblogs to the fence with relish.

Thanks for your company and for nursing me so tenderly through my Britpop induced hangover. Goodbye.

36th over: England 189-2 (Stokes 37, Root 31) Pat Cummins has gone to Murphy and will be desperate he can give him some control and plug up an end. England will be looking to attack him and hit him out of the attack so that the Aussie seamers don’t get any respite as the day draws on.

Murphy bustles into the crease, towel at the back of his trews dancing lightly in the breeze that is blowing pleasantly across us here at the Oval. A good start from the bespectacled tweaker, just three runs off the over.

35th over: England 186-2 (Stokes 36, Root 29) Starc replaces Cummins. Australia need one here. The sun is out and England are making hay, four singles off the over. Todd Murphy is being summoned.

34th over: England 182-2 (Stokes 34, Root 27) Mitch Marsh into the attack. A couple of singles before Root plays his REVERSE RAMP FOR SIX. Remarkable how often he nails it. Marsh loses his length next ball and sends down a full bunger that is clipped easily for four! Twelve off the over.

Hey, Teacher! Leave those ‘jokes’ alone!

33rd over: England 170-2 (Stokes 33, Root 16) Swing and a miss from Stokes who tries to force away off the back foot but is beaten for pace and bounce. This pitch is a belter, plenty in it for bat and ball. Close! A quick single nearly ends in a run-out! Stokes just made his ground as Cummins did well to gather off his own bowling and get a shy at the coconuts away rapidly. England’s lead creeps up to 159 runs.

32nd over: England 163-2 (Stokes 29, Root 14) Stokes drops a single and Root responds immediately. Hazlewood goes full, aiming to scud one into the pads like last over but Root simply saunters down and meets the ball, clipping away with peachy timing for four! The English fans enjoyed that one, the sound off Root’s bat was sumptuous.

31st over: England 158-2 (Stokes 28, Root 10) Cummins to Root. There’s a crackle in the atmosphere. Defense, defense and then attack! Cummins goes short and Root pulls with plenty of control this time, the ball beating Hazlewood to the fence at long-leg. The tv camera pans to Harry Brook having a snooze in the dressing room. He’s so uptight that lad…

30th over: England 152-2 (Stokes 27, Root 5) Hazlewood goes up for an appeal for lbw to Root! This looks close… especially if Root didn’t trap it with his bat first. Steve Smith comes waddling out of the slips in his inimitable way and is very keen to review.

Umpire Wilson said not out on the field but they are going upstairs! CLOSE but no cigar for the Aussies. Root didn’t hit it but it was umpires call on where it was hitting the stumps. Just clipping. Root survives. Eeeesh! He nearly goes next ball with an uncontrolled pull shot, the ball plopping just safe of Starc at fine-leg. Do not adjust your set.

29th over: England 150-2 (Stokes 26, Root 4) Stokes drops a single into the off side and they take a single. Cummins to Root. Two probing dots on a good length… shot! A short ball is pounced on by Root and slapped behind square for four. It’s been said before… but this really is a crucial period in this series. England’s best two batters at the crease with a decent foundation set.

Hmm, I think it is a good wicket still. There’s pace and bounce but you also get value for your shots. All of the pitches since Lord’s have been top drawer reckon. I reckon they’d still fancy a chase of 250-300. Much more than that and it starts to get tricky with scoreboard pressure and the added weight of the series result hinging on the chase.

28th over: England 145-2 (Stokes 25, Root 0) Cut away, cut away for four! Stokes plays a mirror of the emphatic back-foot cut shot he played to win the Headingley Test in 2019, the ball absolutely whelped to the fence.

27th over: England 140-2 (Stokes 20, Root 0) Here’s a key battle. Cummins to Root. Two slips and a gully in place. Root has been vulnerable on his pads and stumps to Cummins early in his innings. Plays out three dots. Crowd burbling away, a nervous energy from both sets of fans after the wicket.

26th over: England 138-1 (Crawley 71, Stokes 20) Hazlewood to Stokes after the break. A clip through mid-wicket brings a couple for Stokes and the first runs of the session. AyeAyeAye! Stokes hooks a bouncer from Hazlewood and is caught by Starc on the rope… but he can’t stay inside the rope, tottering over the boundary to make it SIX. Good comeback from Hazlewood who beats Stokes’ outside edge with a beauty.

The players emerge after their sustenance. Afternoon session incoming.

Dave Briggs emails in with a lunchtime theory entitled The Aussies are the Mourinho of cricket

“Am working on a theory on this ashes series. Is there an argument that the Aussies are starting to take this personally, and it’s turning into almost a Guardiola v Mourinho situation. Mourinho was so infuriated with the adulation etc for the style of Guardiola’s teams that it made him revert into almost a pastiche of himself.

“Could it be argued that the Aussies are so annoyed by all the talk of Bazball that they are trying to win as boringly as possible, almost to prove a point? And as a result it’s that inflexibility that’s led them to a position where a series they ought to have won easily hasn’t gone to plan.

Whaddya reckon?”

It’s an interesting thought. Look, the whole side of Bazball that comes with the self-aggrandising ‘we’re here to save Test cricket’ thing must be aggravating to those on the outside, I totally get that. Watching this current England side is everything from exciting to frustrating, invigorating to cringe-worthy. To play against, that must go up tenfold. I think Australia have been looking to play their normal game and it served them well, particularly in the first two Test matches where they dug in whilst expecting England to self-implode and that is what happened.

Since Lord’s I do think they have suffered from being too passive, their field settings being ultra-defensive is one thing but batting without intent will get you into trouble time and again. Marnus’ innings yesterday was a case in point – it was a puzzling knock from a player of his undoubted quality. We’ll see what happens here, a few quick wickets and Australia are right back in it – my take is that since Lord’s they’ve been playing like a side who have something to lose (i.e a 2-0 lead) rather than a side hell-bent on winning. That slight raising of the foot off the gas has allowed England back in.

“Sitting on a balcony observing the Aegean is a good counterpoint to the stress that accompanies Bazball.”

Show off, Nick Cotton!

“Is it wrong to say I have a good feeling about this innings!? Everything crossed for Ben to get 100 this afternoon…”

24th over: England 129-1 (Crawley 71, Stokes 11) Zak Crawley is cutting loose now. Back-to-back fours off Murphy! There are men on the fence but they have no chance of getting anywhere near the ball either time as it skims like polished pebble to the square-leg fence.

23rd over: England 120-1 (Crawley 63, Stokes 10) Another punishing over for Australia. England take eight runs off it, including a fizzing pull-shot by Crawley. He stood tall and smashed the south-paw seamer away with barely a second glance.

22nd over: England 112-1 (Crawley 57, Stokes 9) Crawley dances down and lofts Murphy over the infield for four more. A two and a one to the set-back field easily pocketed. Australia starting to sag a little as they look for the safe harbour of the lunch-break.

21st over: England 105-1 (Crawley 50, Stokes 9) Crawley bunts Starc away for three, misfielded by Cummins at wide mid-off. That’s 50 for the opener. He’s come of age for England in this series.

Four! Stokes powerfully clips off his legs for four. England rack up 100 runs in the session with ease.

20th over: England 98-1 (Crawley 47, Stokes 5) Stokes flicks Murphy through mid-wicket to pick up a single. Sublime! Murphy tosses one up and Crawley dances down and drives classically through cover for four.

19th over: England 92-1 (Crawley 42, Stokes 4) Six singles picked off Starc. England rotate the strike easily with men set back. Very defensive from Cummins, he’s obviously worried about runs but the only way to stem them is to take wickets.

“Hopefully, this might be the innings when Stokes finds his spiritual home at number 3” Writes Tom v Ducht.

“His ability to drop anchor when needed before acceleration is ideally suited. More so than Pope, Brook or Moeen. He also loves coming in to stem the tide of disaster- something an England number 3 experiences a lot...”

18th over: England 86-1 (Crawley 39, Stokes 1) Todd Murphy into the attack. Crawley punches a single to mid-on and Stokes gets off the mark with a bit of a spawny inside edge that zips past the hyena-like Marnus Labuschagne at short-leg. Shot! Crawley sweeps powerfully into the gap for four runs.

16th over: England 79-0 (Crawley 33, Duckett 42) Three runs off Marsh’s latest. Some stat this:

15th over: England 76-0 (Crawley 31, Duckett 41) Crawley steers Cummins away wide of gully to pick up four runs. A full ball is then whipped through mid-wicket for a two more.

“It’s getting better all the time” notes Mark Taylor on commentary. For England that is.

14th over: England 68-0 (Crawley 24, Duckett 40) Marsh continues after the break. He really is a hulking great thing. His top half is particularly gargantuan – looks like he’s swallowed a chest-freezer. Anyway, he’s bowling to just one slip which must be a bit dispiriting. Cummins has gone to his Brownian Motion field for the umpteenth time this series. A single each to Crawley and Duckett.

“Filthy hangover. Oh, Tricky Crimson King cider why do you do this to me?” Croaks ShowbizGuru.

Resolve!

“Third cup of tea barely denting the damage. 66-0 at the first drinks interval is perking me up though. Time for a livener soon.”

13th over: England 66-0 (Crawley 23, Duckett 39) A skilful and probing over from Pat Cummins takes us to DRINKS. He beat both Crawley and Duckett’s outside edge with deliveries in the high 80mph mark.

Another fascinating hour in this series. Don’t go anywhere.

12th over: England 64-0 (Crawley 22, Duckett 38) England take six off the over with a minimum of fuss. The field is set back and there are plenty of runs on offer. At this stage on the first day they gave it away a little, it’ll be interesting to see if Duckett and Crawley are willing to forego the boundaries a little bit and tick over.

11th over: England 55-0 (Crawley 20, Duckett 35) Things have calmed a little with the introduction of Cummins. A lesser spotted leave from Zak Crawley and three singles picked off with relative ease. Clouds have rolled over a bit here at the Oval. They are high and unthreatening though, and there’s enough blue sky to make a sailor a pair of kecks.

Used to hate the sun because it shone on everything I’d done.
Made me feel that all that I had done was overfill the ashtray of my life.
All my achievements in days of yore range from pathetic to piss-poor, but all that’s gonna change.

10th over: England 55-0 (Crawley 18, Duckett 34) Here comes the Bison. Mitch Marsh into the attack and he tries a bit of short stuff, something we haven’t seen much of this morning. Crawley splices a cut shot away off the last ball to pick up three runs.

“Ah the good old days. Blur Vs Oasis” says Colin Young.

“If that’s the theme of today’s OBO, may I suggest Stokes drops, no pun intended, a bit of the ego thing? Nobody wants to hear him bleat ‘I don’t believe that anybody fields the way I do...’ right?

As for Cummins surely he can just smile at his critics and sing “This is a Low pressure area, get used to the rain ya whingeing Poms.”

9th over: England 52-0 (Crawley 15, Duckett 34) Cummins to Duckett. Short ball. Pull shot. Top edge. Four runs.

England bring the fifty up inside nine overs. “It’s the tortoise and the hare” notes Mike Atherton on the sky comms – “And the tortoise is winning 2-1… at the moment.”

8th over: England 48-0 (Crawley 15, Duckett 30) The field is now set back with men stationed on the boundary on both sides of the wicket. England take three singles off the over. They drop and run with skill to rotate the strike. Something Australia’s top order – particularly Khawaja and Labuschagne – were poor at yesterday.

7th over: England 45-0 (Crawley 14, Duckett 28) Crawley drives handsomely for two and picks up another brace off Cummins with a flick to fine-leg. Beaten! Cummins sends down a beauty that moves and lifts just past the outside edge.

6th over: England 41-0 (Crawley 10, Duckett 28) A tighter over from Hazlewood, just a single to Crawley off it.

“Loving Ricky Ponting’s commentary” writes Pat. “The granular detail of each small fielding change twinned to the line and length of each ball. He’s not terribly happy with Cummins but it’s fascinating to hear.”

Yep – Punter has been so insightful and good craic all summer. He’s a great analyst.

5th over: England 40-0 (Crawley 9, Duckett 28) “C’mon Starc-ers get your act together!” implores Jim Maxwell on TMS. Maxwell’s gloopingly rich antipodean tones have more than a hint of frustration. Cummins replaces Starc who went for 22 off his two overs. Big Pat goes full on the pads and Duckett clips him away for four. A single through point and a scampered leg-bye. Shot! Duckett glides Cummins away for another boundary. England ticking. Ten runs off the over.

4th over: England 30-0 (Crawley 9, Duckett 19) A gift from Josh Hazlewood, leg stump half-volley flicked to the boundary with disdain by Duckett. The big seamer looks a bit off it here, he spears a ball down leg and loses his length. It must be so hard to keep a cool head with two batters so brazenly coming at you every single ball.

“Hello from Zambia – thank goodness for live streams, I may be in central Africa far from leg byes, silly mid offs and cover drives but today I’m at the Oval. All day.”

Lovely to have you with us Ben Carter.

3rd over: England 25-0 (Crawley 9, Duckett 14) Duckett clips in the air for four, it wasn’t a mile away from Todd Murphy at mid-wicket but whistles to the fence. Starc goes full and straight, Duckett would have been a goner but for a meaty inside edge. A single brings Crawley on strike… he throws the kitchen sink, kettle, cutlery draw and fridge at a wide-ish delivery and the ball flies over point for four. It’s heady stuff.

Here’s yer TMS overseas link:

2nd over: England 16-0 (Crawley 5, Duckett 9) A quieter over from Hazlewood who is more accurate than Starc. On a good length for the duration, just a nurdled quick single. That first over was quite something. The crowd here are louder and more burbling than they’ve been all Test.

“If Pat Cummins is Damon Alban I guess the immortal banger hit gets renamed Song 2-1? C’mon Aussie!” Good stuff, Rowan Sweeney.

1st over: England 13-0 (Crawley 5, Duckett 8) BOSH. A rank wide and full ball by Starc is pulverised through the covers by Crawley for four! He’s becoming an expert at this. A quick single brings Duckett on strike. Shot! A straight drive through mid-on gets him going. And another! A clip through mid-wicket brings another boundary and the crowd are well into this. England have a lead of one run!

Here come the players, a roar goes around the ground as Crawley and Duckett stride to the crease. Mitchell Starc will have the ball first up. Play!

Oh, and apparently Root and Stokes are both padded up…

This is well worth a watch in the five minutes we have before play.

The strings were fantastic, Scott (and Emma!)

On this, Stokes would be Liam and Cummins Damon? I can’t see any other configuration.

There is a real buzz around the ground this morning, the sun is out and the crowd are expecting to see something special from one or both sides today.

“Pulp references applicable to the last couple of days?” chirps Nick Smith “Help the aged (for obvious Jimmy reasons) …”

I reckon he was getting back in the groove yesterday Nick, he beat the bat loads and had the ball moving about again.

Who will bat three for England? Will Moeen come out for a hobbly slog or is there something else afoot…

As ever it’d be lovely to hear from you. Thoughts, theories and anything else in between most welcome. You can drop me an Email or tweet @Jimbo_Cricket.

It is sunny and bright here at the Oval after some early morning rain. Play should start bang on time.

I’m off to track down some caffeine – between us - I went to see Pulp last night and am a wee bit dusty. It was magnificent. Corduroy and angular dance moves aplenty.

Back soon, meet me at the fountain down the road? right here in a few.