Ronay on Root.

Lemon on Labuschagne.

And some reaction.

So, the Ashes lives on. Australia did well to see 30 overs out today, with the loss of only Labuschagne, who became strangely skittish once he reached three figures. He was the big wicket though, so England will think they are in with a good chance of running through the rest, especially if the light is good enough for Mark Wood to send down dynamic bombs.

Thanks for all the emails and sorry for all the many that I didn’t have time to use. Geoff will be here tomorrow morning, rain or shine, join us then. Good night!

So one day left for England to keep the Ashes alive. This is what the Met Office has to say for Manchester for tomorrow:

“A wet morning with heavy and persistent rain. Rain continuing throughout much of the day, turning somewhat lighter and more showery during the afternoon with some brief drier spells. Maximum temperature 18 °C.”

More dream locations for me to slobber over on the sofa:

James Pennington: “Loving the OBO. I’m an Australian, who lives in London, on holiday in Saint Tropez. Incredible view of the water sullied only by my frantic refreshing of the score and the Manchester weather forecast. It’s lucky my wife - Australian also - loves cricket too otherwise I fear I’d be checking into L’Hotel D’oghouse for two nights!”

Andrew Blanchflower:”Another expat, this one from Failsworth, same age as Michael Atherton- although he went to Manchester Grammer while I went to Failsworth Comp, we were in the same cub pack (I only remember his brother Chris, though). Enjoying Athers’ dulcet tones on a Sky hacked stream here in sunny (smoky) Southern Oregon, tipi dweller with wife and five kids, explaining the laws of cricket to Americans feeling like that scene out of Fantastic Mr Fox with that game they play with burning pine cones.
It has become clear that the USA needs to play and watch more cricket. That’s the only thing wrong with it- not enough cricket…”

Cordialement

The umpires are marching out, huddling under a blue brolly in their white coats. Still a hardy few left in the stands. Looks wet, wet, wet.

Darting back quickly to the cricket, JA Hopkin hasn’t forgotten, or forgiven, Crawley’s slip-up at slip.

“Crawley’s evasion of the ball instead of trying to catch it cost 18 runs, a good spell extra in the field, and allowed Labuschagne his century (instead of 93). No wonder handsome hardman, cock o’ the north round ‘ere, luv, Mike Watkinson, was not looking best-pleased!”

“Mind you, neither was Joe Root, who was scowling until the reprieve.”

Chances not looking great. Floodlights on. Stewards with umbrellas. Heavy rain on the covers. Sky has switched to golf.

“May I enter the ranks of location-signalling expats?” Oh go on then J Barber. "I’ve forsaken the soggy suburbs of Stockport for a gap-fill contract in sunny sweaty Nigeria, thus missing the birth of my first grandchild Finley, a damp non-pink family Barbie, the entire TdF and 3 1/2 of the most fascinating free-to-view test matches in the last 20 years (TMS disabled here).”

You have competition:

“I’m a Lancashire born singer-musician,” taps Peter, “keeping up with the OBO late into the night after performing my shows this evening on a cruise ship sailing around the Australian Northern Territories full of Australian tourists! My wife and I have been working onboard for 4 months already, but the ship has only been in Oz since the start of the series. It has to be said…the cricket sledging from the passengers has grown gradually less and less confident as the games have gone by!”

And, writes Rob, “I’m in the Sunrise tent at Latitude festival, pretending to watch some indie band. But really I’m following this agonising race against time. A few dirty looks coming my way for using my phone. Don’t they realise that outside this tawdry sequinned paradise there’s a battle taking place for cricket’s very soul?”

...

Ok, ok, it seems I may have awarded the OBO location of the year award too hastily.

“Matt here, an Australian also competing for the best conditions to follow the OBO: beside the pool in Marrakech. I’m wondering if there are any other of my kin out there who would love Australia to (deservedly) lose this game so we can have a storied shootout of philosophies in London?

“I’m reluctant to imagine an Oval test in which this brilliant new style has to scrap for a drawn series during which they have played the lion’s share of the cricket.”

How very sporting of you. And I agree, this series needs to go down to the wire.

Another Matt ( Robson) is in SW France, “In my hammock, swaying in the sunshine and waiting for some rays to shine on Manchester. Been sampling the areas fine sporting culture. Pelota….it’s very fast! Boule…it’s serious!! And Courses Landais? A mad acrobatic bull show!!!Cricket is all of the above and I just love it.”

Hopping back a while to when the umpires in sunglasses decided it was too dark for England to throw on Mark Wood, Dechlan Brennan has the answer. They are, he says, “light enhancing glasses.”

Outside, it drizzles on.

Good news! Steve Annis, seven miles away from OT, reports that the rain has stopped. Covers still attached at OT though. Think damp groundsheets on a May half-term camping holiday in the Peak District.

Anthony Baxter wins the OBO-er location of the match award:

”Listening to TMS, as I am, from a gondola in the middle of the Venetian lagoon, I have my own rather different issues with water. That last wicket nearly pitched me overboard. Here’s hoping for a ripple-less evening session. Thanks for it all, as ever.” A pleasure from us all!

My brother-in-law sends a picture from Old Trafford. It’s filthy, but out of my window, a couple of miles down the road, it has stopped raining.

I think conditions might be more pleasant with Liam Bond, hello!

”Long-time OBO follower, first-time emailer!

”As an Australian sitting on a beach in Corsica, I’m madly refreshing both the OBO and the Met, much to the bafflement of my European beach-mates! Although I’d love this series to come down to a final showdown next week, I can’t say that I’m not desperately hoping for rain. Surely Bazball can’t deliver yet another remarkable victory to Stokes & Co…”

But Liam, they know the secret code. We’ve still got tomorrow and the radar is, apparently, looking more chirpy for the afternoon…

For now, the action will have to come from the OBO inbox.

“Hi to all from the sunny(ish) Swedish Midlands.” Lovely to hear from you Julian Menz!

”Tea?! I get it, I get it….Intransigent rules, tradition etc, but does any professional athlete REALLY need a cuppa and a sarnie after the entire morning session was lost to rain, and given we’ll probably only get an hour after the break, light permitting?

”Surely they could have restocked their tannin and sandwich/biscuit levels after an elongated lunch?”

Forget about the players! What about the spectators? After two hours sitting on your backside, you absolutely need a break for a Mr Kipling’s Fondant Fancy. Albeit a damp one.

Time for a very quick cuppa, back in five.

70th over: Australia 214-5 (Marsh 31, Green 3) As Root hustles through his over, through the dressing-room glass darkly Labuschagne drinks from a tiny paper mug.

“Simple questio,” asks Showbizguru. “If the umpires think it’s too dark for fast bowling why are they both wearing sunglasses while discussing it ?” Nice question! I didn’t notice they were but they did get the light metre out to take the final judgement.

69th over: Australia 214-5 (Marsh 31, Green 3) Suddenly there is electricity. Suddenly Moeen can sense it. He beats Green’s outside edge, then befuddles him with another, the ball hitting him in the guts.

68th over: Australia 214-5 (Marsh 31, Cameron Green 3) The breakthrough England needed! Super work from Bairstow, who caught the rebound above the bails, magic from Root. Labuschagne drags himself off, job not quite done, just as the teapots are brewing for the break. Marsh pushes forward and the edge falls through Brook’s outstretched hand at short leg – a cough of a chance, almost impossible.

67th over: Australia 211-4 (Labuschagne 111, Marsh 31) Moeen rattles through another, but Marsh has it under control.

66th over: Australia 210-4 (Labuschagne 109, Marsh 31) Root gets one to shoot back at Marsh, but too high for interest.

Writes Robert Lewis “Your correspondent Paul Angus (Over 51) is not a million miles from Wayne Trotman, of this parish, if he fancies a troll up to Izmir. I’m sure Wayne would have some of the cold ones in his fridge and the cricket on. Paul’s also very welcome chez moi in Istanbul, if he likes, though the 700 kilometres might put him off.” It is couch-surfing OBO-style. I love it!

65th over: Australia 207-4 (Labuschagne 109, Marsh 29) I hate to tell you, but it is getting darker. Moeen again, napkin out of his back pocket, long sleeves, midnight beard. Marsh picks up a couple and that’s the century partnership.Very well done.

“Apparently the record is only 4 wickets in a row (at international level),” writes David Hilmy, “but then there is this:

Ah Steven Lynch, now he is the oracle.

64th over: Australia 206-4 (Labuschagne 108, Marsh 29) The cameras pan to Mike Watkinson, Lancashire’s legendary hard man, suddenly shy, who might have word to say if asked. Labuschagne picks up four off a late cut off Root.

62nd over: Australia 194-4 (Labuschagne 98, Marsh 27) Another six from Labuschagne off Root’s first ball; the next hits the magic part of the pitch, screams past the edge of the bat and canons past Crawley at slip who doesn’t see it in time and ends up on his backside with his mouth in an O.

61st over: Australia 183-4 (Labuschagne 87, Marsh 27) A fruity full toss from Moeen, Marsh tucks in and cracks him through the covers for four. The wind is up and ruffling their shirts, floodlights on, pretty full stands.

60th over: Australia 177-4 (Labuschagne 86, Marsh 22) Spin from both ends, as Root steps in. Dot to dot, till Labushchagne smashes him over wide long on for six.

59th over: Australia 166-4 (Labuschagne 75, Marsh 21) Ok, we stay on, but we think Stokes has been told he can’t bowl Mark Wood. So Moeen is whisked on instead, taking off his necklace and handing it to the umpire. Labuschagne hurries him away, slightly awkwardly. And one fizzes off the pitch.

“Oh, now you’ve done it,” writes Damien Clarke

“My daughter batch cooked pulled pork meals for the freezer yesterday, and I’ve got an awful of rind to use. Right then, one ton of pork scratchings coming right up! Lovely.”

The umpires meet to chat, about the light, the rain? The crowd get lairy, so does Broad with a classic dramatic shrug. Out comes the light meter…

58th over: Australia 166-4 (Labuschagne 75, Marsh 21) Five men on the legside as Anderson follows the plan. Labuschagne ducks under the first, harmless, bouncer and . Anderson proffers the ball at the umpire, and this time it doesn’t go through the silver handcuffs. Out comes the third umpire with his Drs briefcase, and England get a new pill. Root does vigorous rubbing with his cuff, Labuschagne gets very animated about something, and we go on, pitched up this time.

57th over: Australia 163-4 (Labuschagne 73, Marsh 21) Mostly short stuff. Marsh lets Broad’s first pass harmlessly behind his backside.He pulls another, the ball hits Brook on the half volley and bounces up, whereupon Stokes scrambles to catch it but slips on the grass. A man in a badger suit stands up and engages the crowd, as Woakes returns to the field.

56th over: Australia 161-4 (Labuschagne 72, Marsh 20) Anderson continues the bumper plan, Bairstow standing back, fielders in position.Short and stubby and Australia are largely unbothered.

“Hello Tanya.” Hello Andrew Benton!

”Those six wickets, it’s like waiting for a kettle to boil knowing that the electricity could cut off at any moment - might not get a cup of tea all day. Hope England regain yesterday’s momentum soon.”

I know how you feel, I’m trying to move my daughter towards the kettle with the power of my mind, but to no avail.

55th over: Australia 159-4 (Labuschagne 71, Marsh 19) Four balls through Broad’s over, a four for Labuschagne in the swag bag, we get a field change for the short ball plan. Two bouncers, Marnus pulls one, Marsh ignores the next. And we take drinks, the first hour safely negotiated by Australia.

54th over: Australia 152-4 (Labuschagne 64, Marsh 19) Stokes and his bristling beard clap enthusiastically at Anderson. Marsh is watchful, and blocks, just like the good captain told him too. Anderson looks the same, but there isn’t quite the spark of his 7-19 here against Kent two years ago.

53rd over: Australia 152-4 (Labuschagne 64, Marsh 19) Now Duckett is off the field too. No news on Woakes. Broad runs through his repertoire, but Labuschagne is in the grove now.

Martin Gamage writes in answer to David Melhuish. “Not sure of the record. But the first test match I went to (England v Pakistan at Edgbaston in 1978, my late dad drove us up from Amersham in the days when one could buy a ticket at the gate), Chris Old took four wickets in four legal balls (W-W-NB-W-W). Possibly the most exciting thing I saw in my cricket watching youth.”

52nd over: Australia 150-4 (Labuschagne 62, Marsh 19) The camera pans to our sub fielder (on for Woakes) whose crisp but vast sunhat may have belonged to Mr Chatterbox in a previous life. Anderson is steady as she goes, but we’re waiting for the Australians to make a mistake here. Labuschagne drives, the ball squeezes through the covers but slows as it approaches the rope ,and ole man Stokes chases it down.

51st over: Australia 146-4 (Labuschagne 59, Marsh 18) Stuart Broad adjust the white bandana and, with a roar, sprints in. Marsh watches a couple but then pulls out the club and whooops away a cover drive for four. Outside my window, the wind has got up.

“Merhaba from Köyceğiz, Turkey,” Merhaba Paul Angus!

“Feels odd sat in 44 C heat watching the cricket on my phone knowing my 3 year old Spanish niece, Violeta, on her first ever visit to her ancestral home of Salford is damply playing on a pub slide a few miles from the action. Sort of amusing and depressing at the same time.”

Maybe she’ll get lucky with some pork scratchings?

50th over: Australia 141-4 (Labuschagne 59, Marsh 13) We watch as Woakes climbs the steps back to the dressing room, and the ball is thrown to Anderson. He starts that familiar neat run, and delivers familiar neat balls, full and on target with a touch of movement. A couple of singles.

49th over: Australia 139-4 (Labuschagne 58, Marsh 12) A soupcon of reverse-swing at 93mph, as Marsh goes to drive but gets an inside edge towards the stumps instead, and doesn’t have clue where it has gone (fine leg). The crowd like that, suddenly zipping into life.

An email from Tom van der Gucht. “Although it’s not entirely cricket related, would it be possible to share a message of thanks to George Ball for making the journey from East Anglia to North Yorkshire in order to attend my dad’s funeral celebration last week. He happened to mention he’d spotted some of my comments on the OBO, so hopefully he’ll read this.

“My dad was a lifelong Essex supporter who combined a yingyang style hatred of Boycott and love of Gooch as well as an avid Guardian reader in its traditional paper format. So would have appreciated being name checked in the commentary. “

Hello George and rest in peace Peter Van der Gucht, may you have a comfortable front row celestial seat for today’s play.

48th over: Australia 137-4 (Labuschagne 57, Marsh 11) Labuschagne sends Woakes through third man for four, and the balls rolls obediently away soaking up water as it travels. Labuschagne lets the next go, wisely, though you wouldn’t have guessed that from Bairstow who puts his hands on his head and makes deep heavy breathing noises. Cat and mouse for a few balls.

47th over: Australia 133-4 (Labuschagne 52, Marsh 11) Wood isn’t a stubbled as he sometimes is, but it doesn’t seem to affect his speed which is hitting 90mph. Brook creeps in under the lid. Labuschagne steals a run from the last ball. And we move on.

I’m not sure if Geoff has already noted this but… if the weather holds off…the timings for today are as follows:

Afternoon session 14:45 - 17:00 Tea 17:00 - 17:20 Evening session 17:20 - 19:00 Extra 30 mins available to bowl the overs (19:30) 59 overs to be bowled.

46th over: Australia 132-4 (Labuschagne 52, Marsh 11) Out comes the physio to prod at Labuschagne’s hand to the chorus of boos from a suspicious cloud-watching crowd. He seems to be ok, and we continue. Woakes sends down the first maiden of the day, and a testing one it is too, with a helmeted Bairstow coming up to the stumps half way through.

David Melhuish thinks he’s sending an email to Rob Smyth but it accidentally gets redirected to me. “Greetings from Urdaneta, The Philippines, from where the rain is pounding down relentlessly. (rainy season).” Hello!

“Mark wood was asked, how long it would take to finish of the Aussies.He bullishly responded, ‘Six balls!’

“As Atheron remarked on comms , typically optimistic Mark Wood.This exchange got me pondering, Tanya, ‘Has there ever been a double hat-trick in first class cricket? What’s the record for number of consecutive wickets in test cricket?’

“Might well be on Top G but am too busy sending this email out. Any OBOers know?”

44th over: Australia 126-4 (Labuschagne 47, Marsh 11) Just the one over for Anderson, as Woakes takes over from the Brian Statham end. Can’t tell you why. In the crowd T-shirts for the optimistic, cagouls for the rest. And the first boundary of the day, as Marsh plays a whippy square drive for four and then a reckless flick high the air just short of a sprinting Moeen, the ball falling inches from the rope.

Hello John Starbuck! “A reader suggested we can’t play cricket when it’s raining, but actually, you can. It wouldn’t last very long as the ball becomes waterlogged, so we need another version of it. Version 1: Use a slightly larger inflatable ball, players have wellingtons, so run-ups are shorter and the ground would have to be a lot smaller to maintain doable fielding. Batters’ pads would have to be much lager to accommodate the wellies -in other words, Clown Cricket. Just as baseball was based on rounders and water polo reflects a different origin (though water polo players don’t sit on teammates’ shoulders - why is that?). Version 2: take a leaf out of the tennis match in ‘Blow Up’ and pretend there’s a ball: lots of potential for intellectual theorising there, which will appeal to some cricket fans.”

43rd over: Australia 117-4 (Labuschagne 46, Marsh 3) It’s yesterday’s danger man, Mark Wood, sprinting in from the James Anderson end, as fearless of the potentially damp grass as a Tour rider racing over the cobbles. A strangled appeal, but there’s an inside edge onto Labuschagne’s pad. Marnus ducks the next, and Stuart Broad sprinkles sawdust into the footmarks at the bowler’s end.

42nd over: Australia 115-4 (Labuschagne 45, Marsh 2) A single squeezed off the first leaves Marsh at the danger end, and he lets one pass safely by. For how long can he force responsibility to beat nature? Another single. The skies outside my window, about a mile and a bit from the ground, are relatively bright.

Thanks Geoff! And sorry for hogging the all the action. To Jerusalem, England swagger out with great purpose followed by Mitch Marsh and, a little later, Marnus Labuschagne.

And you know what? Play starts at 14:45, and my handover time on the OBO is 14:40. So with that said, it’s time to end the rain OBO and commence the cricket OBO. Stuart Broad is already on the practice strip warming up, the hovercraft is coming off the field, Ben Stokes is wandering out, and Tanya Aldred is ready to take you through whatever will constitute the day’s play.

Thanks for your company.

“Do we know why play will (hopefully) only start in 38 minutes? I can’t imagine the ground is going to dry out much in that time, why don’t they start in 8 minutes? The players should be ready to go, people have paid a lot of money for their tickets and presumably want every minute of play that’s possible.”

Impatient as I am, Alex Henderson, it is because the players conventionally get 30 minutes of lead time so they can warm up and prepare. The bowlers especially. They can’t simmer along being ready to go for the whole day. And the ground does need time to dry out after all the tractors have finished their thing. That length of delay is pretty standard.

“Just starting to get hungover here in monsoon-ish Seoul,” says Marcus Shaffer, “pouring buckets at 10:13 PM, insane humidity, where the race against time is always how late can I stay awake reading cricket updates on the Guardian’s site. Questions: Why don’t they just make up games spoiled by rain? Why let the weather determine the test when Australia have traveled so far?”

I’d love to see 450-over matches, played over however long it takes.

Howard Gray has not specified whether or not he is hung over. Could be. He’s passing on some admirable Teutonic directness.

“My wife, who’s German, is surprised you can’t play cricket when it’s raining. ‘So why did the British invent a game that’s difficult to play in an English summer?’, she asks. Good point. I tell her it’s a sign of our inherent optimism. Greetings from a lovely warm and dry southern Germany!”

“I’m in Kerala, waiting for the weather at Old Trafford to break so i can lounge about and watch the match. Not much to report, except that in your honour I will squeeze lemons onto my sizzling prawns tonight. I left the shells on the steps to the river in case the white necked eagles, which visit my almond tree and cry balefully, feel peckish. I’m with you in spirit, my white flannelled cricket pal.”

Cheers, Guy Perry. Squeeze some into some soda water with ice, that’s the thing for the climate.

Rocket is thankfully not being distracted by the Ashes from our Sri Lankan theme.

“As a Victorian I loved it when Dav Whatmore went back to Sri Lanka, where he was born, and coached them. In their 1995/96 tour of Australia I could see a massive improvement, especially in the fielding and aggressive one-day batting. I wasn’t surprised when those same players won the World Cup soon afterwards. And Dav later coached Bangladesh to their first Test and series wins.”

“In the absence of any actual cricket, have been checking Wikipedia and worked out that this England side have (approximately) 1970 Test wickets and 36,000 Test runs, between them. That’s got to be a record, right?”

On the wickets, Simon, yes. On the runs, not even close. Tendulkar and Dravid would have had most of that covered without needing any other teammates, near the end.

This is Saggers’ Ashes.

I don’t even know if TMS is on, but here’s the link.

More Australians arrive. Khawaja, Smith, Carey, Murphy, Starc. Who is nearly sopped up by the super sopper. Must have been a chilled out day so far.

It’s rope time. The rope! That’s a big moment in a rain delay. They drag a rope around between two buggies to dislodge water from the grass. Huge. Huge.

Fourth official Martin Saggers is wandering about out there. He’s just jammed his umbrella into the turf out at deep cover and left it there. Which contradictorily means that he’s confident enough in the dry weather to leave his umbrella behind, and that the turf is sufficiently waterlogged that he can stick an umbrella in so easily. It shouldn’t slide in like a skewer into an adequately baked cake.

Now the umbrella is in the way of the rope buggies. Good work, Saggers.

“I’m a new convert to cricket, I’ve been working nights and have got hooked on this series, the perfect antidote for my sleep deprived brain while I wait for nighttime to roll around again,” writes Tim Greer. “So forgive my ignorance but could you spell out exactly what needs to happen with the weather/England/Australia so that we get to the Oval with a chance of winning the Ashes.”

Assuming that the ‘we’ is England in this case, they need enough time to take six more Australian wickets for fewer than 162 runs. If Australia add 162 or more before being bowled out, England will then also need time to chase however many have been added.

So it could all be done in an hour, or if Australia’s batting puts up a fight then it might need a day. If the rain wipes out enough of the remaining play, then it’s a draw. The series result would not yet be decided, but the trophy would stay with Australia.

“Kandukuru Nagarjun’s comparison is a good one,” writes Sam Clark. “Nicholas Brooke’s brilliant ‘An Island’s Eleven: The Story of Sri Lankan Cricket’ recently brought home just what a transformational impact that Arjuna had on the mindset of Sri Lanka cricket. He was a brilliant captain of a team which had an impact well beyond cricket. I don’t think he ever had a Baz-like figure to help him.”

Inspection at 2pm if there’s no further rain. The pitches to the side of the main pitch all have puddles and muddy patches on them. The main pitch is still wearing its big white hat.

Is it gonna rain again?

There’s more movement with the covers. More people have emerged from cover to sit in their seats, too. The two mopping tractors are doing their thing. Some guys with brooms are leaning on them, they’re good for leaning. We might be rolling up a discarded cover in a minute. It’s exciting stuff.

One of the covers has come off. They’ve tipped an absolute lake of water onto the ground towards deep midwicket if the bowler from the Statham End had a right-hander on strike. Now the tractor is heading over to soak up the water.

It looks like the rain has actually stopped for the time being. The radar looks like we have more on the way, and there’s a lot of cleanup to do. But you never know.

Some movement. The ground staff are clearing the weights off the covers. It is still raining, the puddles are sprinkling, but very lightly. So maybe they think it’s about to stop, and they want to start the heaviest part of the cleanup early. They have the super soppers out, driving across the biggest puddles now.

Here’s another one. “Nursing a hangover on a train from Geneva to Zurich,” says Harvey. “I hoped to connect to the tremendous Swiss train wifi and enjoy four hours of cricket. Thanks a lot, rain. However, I think it’s stopping soon. Fate wouldn’t let a great series end like this. Maybe we are all misreading the app, and rain is for Manchester, New Hampshire? Play from 1 pm-stumps today and a full day tomorrow, I reckon. Not that we will need that long.”

It’s approaching 1pm now, and still sprinkling.

Kandukuru Nagarjun has take to our Sri Lanka game with gusto.

“Ben Stokes is Arjuna Ranatunga in spirit if not in figure: charismatic captain who backs his players 100%, bats left-handed, bowls right-handed, wins World Cups and is far more influential than a mid-30s Test batting average suggests. A career as firebrand MP and DCMS overlord beckons.”

“Afternoon OBOers,” says Mike Ward, clocking the moving of the big hand past the upright. “I’m jet lagged and heading to a wedding today, so a tiny part of me is secretly glad it’s raining. Wouldn’t want to be the guy watching on his phone at the back and then getting glowered at by a scowling vicar when I cry out at a wicket. I mean, when I’m overcome with emotion at the happy couple. Happy wedding day Becky and Ben!”

Our first correspondent today who hasn’t been hung over. And it sounds like he’s about to become so.

A stack of the Australian players have just turned up, coming from the indoor nets perhaps? Labuschagne, Hazlewood, Marsh, Neser and some support staff walking across the ground to the staircase up to the team rooms. It’s still raining, not heavy but persistently.

“Morning all.”

Morning, Dean Kinsella.

“Whilst most of the reporting has understandably centred on England’s new culture and some exceptional performances, I’d like to hear more about why this champion team from Australia has capitulated. Obviously the loss of Nathan Lyon is a major factor but that seam attack is still formidable. The finger has also been pointed at the redoubtable Pat Cummins’ captaincy now that it is facing a sterner examination. Warner’s waning maybe. But even all of that, to my mind, doesn’t quite explain this most un-Australian drop in performance.”

I think that a lot of sport reporting, and a chunk of the audience, is very reactive. Two weeks ago England were losing this 5-0, according to a lot of people. Bazball had failed, England were a joke, blah blah. Now Australia are completely hopeless, cooked, over a cliff – on the basis of a match that they haven’t even lost yet.

Cricket results tend to swing between extremes. Test cricket especially. Matches that stay close throughout are relatively rare, that’s why the previous three in this series have been so engaging. Personally I think that some jets need cooling.

“On honeymoon in the Azores, I am furtively following the OBO in between volcano visits, hot spring baths and whale sightings... also trying to explain to my lovely wife that my suffering and angst re the cricket has nothing to do with her and that it started long ago as a kid when I would ignore my mother’s pleas to go outside and get some sun and tell her to close the curtains as I couldn’t see the screen...”

Terry. Go outside and get some sun. And a massage. And a drink with an umbrella in it. There is no cricket here.

“I am in Moscow where I’ve heard it said that the powers that be ensure that it never rains on the Victory Day parade on May 9th. Does such technology exist and would it be in accord with the spirit of cricket if our government or anyone else tried to use it?” asks Derek.

Might be better than the giant drone-towed tarpaulin idea.

Might be just the tiniest gap in quality between those two, but the visual works.

The best update from the ground so far: sitting alone in the middle of the empty Party Stand, getting soaked, is a bloke with a beard and a nautical hat dressed as Captain Birdseye, and five friends dressed as fish fingers.

“Let’s not overthink this or get overemotional, Geoff,” commences Paul Griffin. “It’s just a game, albeit a glorious, storied one. But at least what happens with the weather over the next 36 hours will clarify, with certainty, and in perpetuity, the existence or otherwise of a just, benevolent God.”

“Good morning Michael Fish,” writes the intriguingly monikered Showbizguru. “As always the post-stumps deadline-approaching writing from the Guardian team last night was outstanding. Amongst it all this paragraph from Barney Ronay caught the eye. Sublime.”

‘How maddening for Australia, a place of grizzled truisms, points of red ball honour handed down like a tear-stained baggy green, to find themselves being chased around the set by blokes in bucket hats who feel they’ve won when they’ve lost, who are basically doing this for the vibes, who even have the gall in the middle of it all to preach about doing the right thing.’

There is something to that.

“As a windsurfer and an optimist,” writes Hugh, “I find myself chasing weather forecasts to find the place that will be windy enough for a trip in the time I have available. This has taught me a key truth: you can always find a forecast that predicts what you want.

“Which is also how I got incredibly drunk in The Doghouse, Kennington, on a very obviously rainy day a number of summers ago when some crucial oval Test match was rained off, rather than admitting that there was little point in travelling up to London.”

Yes, I am definitely picking up a theme with our readers.

What is it with OBO readers? Are we all a bunch of lushes? Is there a health intervention needed? Viz, Michael Robinson:

“Enough of your fancy radars and whatchamacallits. From where I’m sitting (lying hungover on my sofa) the rain is lighter than it was when I first woke up, but doesn’t like it’ll stop for at least a bit.”

Highly specific.

“I have a blistering hangover (still) and it is 30+ and humid here in Kanazawa,” groans Adam Foster. “I demand the rain gods offer me solace with four hours of uninterrupted play. Everyone wants 2-2 at the Oval, even you Geoff…”

Me? I’m a cricket writer, of course I do. Those four hours might yet come tomorrow. Keep the hangover ticking over till then.

Here’s a rain game: if Jonny Bairstow is Duleep Mendis, which 1970s-80s Sri Lankan cricketers correspond to the rest of the squad?

Time for some correspondence, then. The covers are well entrenched at Old Trafford and four poor buggers in red cots are standing out there under umbrellas guarding the pitch from the zero people around. One has the raincoat / poncho / umbrella trifecta. Come at me, rain.

Rob C is in Wheeo. “Watching Bairstow’s totally redemptive bottler of an innings last night and then listening to you and Adam describe him in your Final Word podcast this morning prompted me to think: is Jonny Bairstow the batter a latter day Duleep Mendis? Duleep, who had an eye like a stinking fish when he was ‘on’, along with Eddie Hemmings, is one of my favourite all-time (non-Australian) players. They both ‘enjoyed their cricket’ and I suspect Jonny does too. I’m warming to him.”

He was fun in the press conference, and the after play radio stuff, the works. Both barrels, all directions. If a quiet moment presents itself I’ll put the Duleep Mendis comparison to him. Not sure he’s given that one much thought.

Here’s a thought. Those rainfall probability numbers in all of your apps – does anybody know what those numbers actually mean?

Last from our slate of writers, the subject of the hour – Bairstow being Very Mad, and taking that out on a passing cricket team. This one from Andy Bull.

I wouldn’t disagree with that assessment. It’s been quite impressive to see how completely Australia lost cost control in this one innings, after mostly keeping things together in the series to date.

And if for any reason you have time to fill, here’s the Final Word wrap podcast from stumps yesterday.

Barney Ronay wrote about the duelling philosophies of this series, and how England’s has regained the ascendancy.

“And that pressure has been gruelling. Australia were ragged in the field in the afternoon session. Pat Cummins, usually so startlingly handsome and bright-eyed, spent Friday wandering around looking as if he’s been sleeping in his car.”

Jonathan Liew spent his day thinking about Harry Brook, because why not look below the headlines for the interesting subplots. Brook has been a significant player these last few weeks, after his grand entrance to Tests in the months before that.

Simon Burnton has the press conferences, with Jonny Bairstow being a little fired up and Josh Hazlewood saying yes please, rain.

Which means that first of all, we should prepare for our day’s play* by catching up with everything from yesterday. Begin, as ever, with the cleansing sorbet of Ali Martin and his world famous match report.

That said, your initial weather update is that it is hosing all over the joint. Today has been pitched as the big grudge match: AccuWeather versus The Met Office. So far the Met’s more pessimistic forecast is winning, damp palms down.

Let’s pretend we’re going to start at 11!