“What’s the lowest score in football that hasn’t happened?” muses Shane McVeigh. “In the interests of not ruining someone’s week, let’s narrow this to major professional football leagues.”

This is such a great question that we’re surprised it hasn’t been asked before. For reasons that will become clear, we’ve broadened it to include international matches.

Paul Bolton got the ball rolling by going through all the results for the Premier League era, in which the lowest unseen score is 10-0. Every other 10-goal combination (9-1, 8-2, 7-3, 6-4 and 5-5) has occurred.

Chris Roe’s research covers the Football League, all the way back to 1888. “On Boxing Day 1962 Southport took a trip to Oldham unaware that they were about to make history,” writes Chris. “Southport’s 11-0 defeat is the last time there has been a new result in the top four divisions. There have been 60 different scorelines overall – every possible result with 13 goals has occurred at least once. There are five 14-goal scorelines that have yet to occur: 14-0, 13-1, 9-5, 8-6 and 7-7.”

Some of those scorelines have happened in other countries. “After extensive searching,” begins Pete Tomlin, “I have been unable to find any matches that finished 8-6 or 7-7 so I believe these are the lowest scores that have not happened professionally.”

Best of all, Pete has sent in examples of the unlikely scorelines that have happened. Nerd yourself out.

Manchester United 8-2 Arsenal Premier League, 28 August 2011
Hungary 8-3 West Germany World Cup, 20 June 1954
Borussia Dortmund 8-4 Legia Warsaw Champions League, 22 November 2016
Derby 8-5 Blackburn Division One, 6 September 1890
Brechin City 2-9 Dundee Scottish Cup second round, 25 January 1964
England 9-3 Scotland Home Championship, 15 April 1961
Italy 9-4 France Friendly, 18 January 1920
Feyenoord 9-5 Ajax Eredivisie, 27 August 1960
Hungary 10-1 El Salvador World Cup, 15 June 1982
Norwich 10-2 Coventry Division Three (South), 15 March 1930
Middlesbrough 10-3 Sheffield Utd Division One, 18 November 1933
Tottenham 10-4 Everton Division One, 11 October 1958
Netherlands 11-0 San Marino European Championship qualifier, 2 September 2011
Real Madrid 11-1 Barcelona Copa del Generalísimo, 13 June 1943
Sheffield United 11-2 Cardiff Division One, 1 January 1926
Sweden 11-3 Norway Friendly, 12 July 1908
Tardienta 0-12 Getafe Copa del Rey, 1 November 2023
Spain 12-1 Malta European Championship qualifier, 21 December 1983
Aston Villa 12-2 Accrington Division One, 12 March 1892
VVV Venlo 0-13 Ajax Eredivisie, 24 October 2020
Morocco 13-1 Saudi Arabia Pan Arab Games, 6 September 1961
Mongolia 0-14 Japan World Cup qualifier, 30 March 2021

The only 8-6 we could find was a charity match in 2014, when Zinedine Zidane and friends beat Young Boys in the Match Against Poverty. There was a 7-7 draw in the FA Cup – Dulwich Hamlet v Wealdstone in the fourth qualifying round in 1929-30 – but they were not professional clubs.

NB: these answers are from men’s football, simply because the statistical archive is much more comprehensive than for women’s football.

Who has scored a perfect ‘German’ hat-trick?

“A hat-trick in Germany is all three goals, uninterrupted, in the same half. A different feat altogether to the perfect English hat-trick of left-footed goal, right-footed goal, headed goal. It got me thinking, are there any examples of a player scoring a perfect perfect hat-trick [or is perfect ‘German’ hat-trick better? – Knowledge Ed]? Three goals, uninterrupted, in the same half and scored with left foot, then right foot and then a header?” asks Alec Austin.

A number of you nominated hat-tricks that don’t quite meet Alec’s (extremely strict) criteria but are worthy of mention nonetheless. They include:

Gabriel Agbonlahor Aston Villa 4-2 Manchester City, 17 August 2008
Danny Butterfield Crystal Palace 3-1 Wolves, 2 February 2010
Jonny Howson Scunthorpe 1-4 Leeds, 30 October 2010
Cristiano Ronaldo Real Madrid 4-0 Getafe, 27 January 2013
Mikael Uhre OB Odense 0-3 Brøndby, 14 March 2021
Serhou Guirassy Mainz 05 1-3 VfB Stuttgart, 16 September 2023

All those goals were uninterrupted and scored with the left foot, right foot and head, which many would regard as a perfect German hat-trick. But Alec had an even stricter definition: all of the above, but when the goals were scored in order of body part: left foot for the first goal, right foot for the second and a header for the third.

There has been at least one example of a perfect perfect perfect hat-trick: Erling Haaland against Nottingham Forest last season. City were 3-0 up at half-time, with Haaland getting all three: left foot, right foot and then a header to ensure his place in niche trivia columns of the future.

Has a Champions League team ever been relegated?

“Union Berlin are in awful form in Bundesliga and a relegation battle looks on the cards,” writes Gregg Bakowski. “Has a team playing in the Champions League or European Cup (as they are) ever been relegated from their domestic league in the same season?”

Several readers mentioned infamous cases of teams being relegated for off-field issues, most notably Juventus in 2005-06 and Rangers in 2011-12. But there are at least a couple of cases where Champions League teams were relegated on pure sporting merit.

“Finnish side Haka won the league in 1995 and they were relegated the following season in 1996,” writes Harri Laine. “But they won promotion in 1997 and took the title again in 1998. So two championships, one relegation and one promotion in four years. During their relegation season they played in the Champions League qualifying rounds.”

Connor Fryer writes in with a more high-profile example. “Look no further than Celta Vigo in 2003-04. They made it through the group stage of Champions League before succumbing to Arsenal in the last 16. Meanwhile they finished 19th in La Liga and went down.”

It was the end of a fun era for Celta, who had finished in the top seven for six consecutive seasons. The Arsenal tie remains their last Champions League game, though they did reach the Europa League semi-final in 2016-17 before losing narrowly – very narrowly – to Manchester United.

Knowledge archive

“Having scored against West Ham on 9 December 2012, Joe Cole went on to sign for the Hammers just over three weeks later,” mused Mat Owen in January 2013. “What is the shortest period of time between a player scoring against a team and then signing up with them?”

We hear all the time about players scoring against their old club, but it’s common enough for them to score against their future club too. “On 2 September 2012, the Icelandic winger Rurik Gislason scored the final goal in a 2-2 home draw for Odense Boldklub (OB) against Danish Superleague dominators FC Copenhagen,” writes Lars Bogegaard. “A day later he joined FC Copenhagen.” Mark Andrews can go one better. “On 13 November 2007, Jon Main scored for Tonbridge Angels against AFC Wimbledon in a Ryman League Premier Division match,” explains Mark. “After the game Jon signed for Wimbledon, so there were only a couple of hours between him scoring against them and signing for them. He made his debut four days later on 17 November 2007.”

Can you help?

“Rasmus Højlund has scored five Champions League goals for Manchester United before scoring a league goal. Has this been done before? If so, who has scored the most goals in Europe before scoring in the league?” asks Tom Solan.

“Celtic lost 6-0 to Atlético Madrid in midweek. To make amends they beat Aberdeen by the same scoreline in the following game. Do any other teams have a higher symmetrical scoreline in back-to-back games?” asks Billy.

“Only four of Spurs’ starting XI against Chelsea were on the pitch at the end of the game, with two sent off and five substituted. Is this a record?” asks Matt Walker.

“Manchester United have taken 12 points from the last five games, more than any other side,” says Paul Baker. “I know it’s subjective, but has a worse team ever been top of the Premier League form table?”

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