But otherwise, peace out.

Otherwise, that’s me done – our report will be here and on-site very soon indeed. But afore we go, I promised you a scrotal-scrunch snap, and I simply couldn’t let you down so, without further ado:

Exhibit B

Simeone is in tears and his players are going wild. This thing of ours, mates – it’s really something, isn’t it?

Well then. When Inter scored – that feels a long time ago now – the tie felt over, as it did as normal time drew to a close. But Atleti are a very particular thing, and somehow, they found enough to go through. Inter will be gutted because they thought they could win this; for a while, their imminent Scudetto will feel like an anticlimax because it’s not close and they’re disappointed. But they remain a fine, improving and interesting team, even though they’ve missed a big opportunity here.

The penalties will be at the Inter end and Inter will go first. That second aspect achieves victory well over 50% of the time. Here comes Hakan Calhanoglu…

“I didn’t have many success in penalty shoot-outs in my career,” says Joe Cole. Rio Ferdinand does very well not to mention Moscow. But if he had, Cole could’ve reminded him of this abomination.

“May I be the first to mention how Champions League shootouts are like London buses?” asks Robert Speed.

What, dirty, disappointing and for kids?

120 min Hermoso slides a lovely pass ito midfield, Depay offloading for Riquelme, who darts towards the box, swivels into a cross, and accepts the corner. Up go the defenders, a crowd scene around Sommer … who comes and punches clear. That’ll be it or close to it.

119 min …Riquelme curls in and De Vrij heads clear.

117 min In theory I fancy both of these keepers to save one or two penalties, except players are so good at taking them now. But maybe we won’t get them, Memphis bumping Bisseck under a high ball which akllows him to bring it away, Correa is running away from Pavard too, so Bisseck performs the hack and accepts the yellow. Free-kick Atleti, 25 yards out, over on the left…

115 min Riquelme wriggles at Pavard, diddling him on the outside before coaxing a cross to the back post where Saul’s up, but surrounded by a phalanx of defenders. I’d be keen to know how often extra time yields anything but penalties, though loth to dispose of it because when it’s good it’s stunning.

114 min Sanchez spreads for Bisseck, whose cross is taken down by Acerbi … but a defender sticks a foot in.

113 min Calhanoglu curls way over the top, and it’s Inter pushing for a winner.

112 min Sanchez wants a ball more than Saul barging on to it and wearing the boot that’s administered. Free-kick, 25 yards out and right of centre.

112 min Klaassen replaces Mkhitaryan, who’s done his usual lot of nothing.

112 min And please be assured, I’m doing my darndest to find you a scrotum-scrunch snap, but thus far, nae joy.

111 min it’s been quite a week for coats – both puffas and otherwise.

109 min “What’s with all these puffacoats?” wonders Joe Pearson. “It’s nearly 60 degrees there (15 to you, I guess)? Footballers are so soft.”

But so are soft, soft puffas.

107 min Again it’s Inter starting the stronger, probing as Atleti sit deep. But they end up playing back to Sommer to be safe, then he tries a pass that Depay almost intercepts, but Inter eventually clear.

106 min Fifteen minutes or penalties again; Atleti send on Saul for Griezmann.

10-5+3 min … and immeidately, Acerbi is punished for another foul.

105+2 min Correa escapes Acerbi who pulls him back and is booked, then following the free-kick, Correa’s low shot is straight at Sommer. Then Inter win a throw deep inside the Atleti half…

105 min Memphis will take the free-kick, lashing it right onto De Vrij’s’s bonce. There’s a brief pause, but he’s fine so on we go; we’ll enjoy two additonal minutes.

104 min He’s walking through is Memphis! He escapes Calhanoglu, attacks the two defenders in front, and eventually the one behind trips him. Free-kick Atleti, 25 yards out, almost dead centre.

103 min With that act, Thuram redeems a poor performance and is promptly replaced by Alexis Sanchez.

101 min VAR decides there’s nothing amis – that’s great news for Sunday footballers the world over, though sales of cricket boxes may soon go up. In fairness, Savic was tugging at Thuram too, and the pair are now enjoying a good old chortle about the hilarity of it all.

99 min Savic is down followed a collision with Percy Sugden Thuram … and as we zoom in, we see he’s donated h a scrotum-scrunch. VAR wants a looksee…

98 min Calhanoglu swings it in from the right and Lautaro arrives on to it … but heads down and wide. That wasn’t a great chance, but it was a chance.

98 min So far, this is a really good additional period – we don’t see many – and Inter have a corner down the right…

96 min Inter have started extra time like they mean it but then Correa hits a ping out to Griezmann, he kills gorgeously on his instep and sends Riquelme away down the left. Though he missed that chance, he’s played really well since coming on and, as Bisseck backs off, slides a fine ball over for Depay who uses the pace to turn it goalwards … but Oblak flings out an arm to save well. Simeone’s subs have been superb tonight.

94 min Bisseck, offered loads of space, crosses from the right and Thuram is unmarked in the middle! He’s up early too, heading definitively and like he means to, miles wide of the target.

93 min “In terms of substitutions,” writes Colum Fordham, “Diego Simeone’s have been inspired. Riquelme, weaving his magic on the left and Memphis Depay showing twice that he is a superb striker. Contrast that with Inzaghi’s rather tame replacements. If this goes to extra time, Atletico must be favourites. Cracking game.”

I’ve not seen much Atleti this season, but what has Morata been doing to ge tin ahead of Depay? And yes, agree Inzaghi’s been tame all night.

92 min But Thuram brings Inter forward, finding Darmian in a lovely position by the box. But he realises he’s no idea what to do checking back inside, and eventually Acerbi’s cross goes behind.

91 min “Wow,| says Peter Oh. “I think someone might be getting a depay rise.”

I’m happy for him – I watched a lot of him in England and felt bad at the situation he walked into. He’s turned this game too – can he keep at it?

91 min We go again…

Elsewhere, Dortmund have seen off PSV.

Phew! That was low on quality but high on noise, and I’ve not a clue what’s going to happen next. I keep saying it, but Inter need to trust themselves in midfield, where they’re superior, rather than hope for a counter – though they should’ve finished the game in that manner.

90+3 min OKBKJBSDFLKJNSER;LIGRE;O! Griezmann gets away down the right and Riquelme’s in the middle! The square-pass is low and true, perhaps fractionally behind him, but he arrives onto it lovely, opening body and plotting his celebration. But in the maelstrom of the moment, back goes the head, over goes the ball, and down goes the manager, Simeone flat-out with face buried in turf. But on balance, he’d have taken this.

90+1 min Just as last night, the third-best team in Portugal took the premier League leaders all the way, now the fourth-best side in La Liga, 19 points off the leaders, are level with the runaway leaders in Serie A.

90 min We’ll have three additional minutes.

89 min I didn’t think that was coming, I must say. Atleti have huffed and puffed but not really shown enough quality to score, while Inter looked comfy. Inzaghi has yet to see the funny side of that goal.

85 min OH MY DAYS! Memphis prompts outside the box, tricking past Martinez and finding Correa inside the box, who feeds it back. So he punches into Koke, follows the ball, and when it arrives into stride, he flings the entirety of his corporeality into a terrifying drive that clobbers the inside of the near post … and shoots away to safety!

84 min Barella now can’t continue so Frattesi replaces him, and Bisseck is on for Dimarco. Save that Griezmann chance, Atleti haven’t created much – and Inter haven’t let them.

82 min Now here come Inter again! This breathless stuff! Martinez slithers forward and again picks the right pass, into the path of the onrushing Barella. But his first touch takes him away from goal and he doesn’t trust his pace, so he shoots from the edge … straight at Oblak.

81 min Atleti are coming now, A low, hard cross from Correa arriving at Depay, but just as he’s about to shoot, Darmian extends a desperate leg that averts danger.

79 min Nice from Atleti, Llorente into Correa who finds Barrios down the right. And his cross is a goodun too, seeking out Depay, but Pavard does superbly to put him off as he heads goalwards.

79 min Two more changes for Atleti, Barrios replacing Molina and Depay Morata.

76 min FINISH HIM! When the corner is cleared and Atleti pump the ball back into the Inter box, a header out finds Lautaro who takes it for a walk, opens body, and guides a luscious pass between two defenders to set Thuram away! But with the last eight beckoning, he gets a little headrush, leathering over the bar as his manager cusses him on the touchline

75 min Again, inter pass the ball about the back four, something they do and are doing really well. Atleti are struggling, but here comes little Riquelme, scooting across Darmian and dragging a shot wide of the near post. Riquelme and scooting, not words often seen proximate to one another. Corner.

73 min Goodness me! Bournemouth have come from 3-0 down to win 4-3 against Luton.

72 min now two changes for Inter: Darmian for Dumfries and Acerbi for Bastoni, so fresh, less adventurous defenders for tired, adventurous defenders.

71 min Two changes for Atleti: Correa for De Paul and Riquelme for Lino. I wonder if that means a 4-4-2.

70 min Football is the greatest thing in the world, part infinity:

68 min A problem Atleti have is every time they try and shot or cross, Inter knocks it about at the back and they can’t do anything for the next few minutes. They also need someone to help Morata, and then perhaps a few more crosses.

66 min Inter again sit on the edge, Atleti moving the ball from side to side before De Paul humps from one touchline over the other – which, though not a shot immediately put me in mind of this joy:

65 min I wonder if Simeone will soon change something. He likes Correa off the bench, but I’d expect to see Memphis soon too – though again, I want to see Vemeeren. Anyone watched him lots?

63 min Mkhitaryan plays a poor pass towards Lautaro, but Witsel is committed to the tread and Inter have a free-kick inside the Atleti half. They go short with it, keep the ball for a bit, then Savic does well to head out a dangerous cross and the home side build again.

62 min “Inter’s team has lots of players who have extremely high ceilings, but very low floors,” reckons Kári Tulinius. “Inzaghi has wrought a system that allows all of them to shine, but he must also have great man-management skills to have every one of these flawed gems catch the light just so.”

Yup, I agree. He doesn’t seem a man awfully well-acquainted with being told no.

60 min De paul releases Llorente, Atleti getting joy down the right. And the cross is a decent one too: all Moratz needs to do is a little overs and Griezmann is again in ye’ve gottae score territory. But instead he swings a shin at it, the ball skews behind, and Simeone smoulders.

58 min More Inter possession. The better teams are now so good in possession all over the pitch that when they meet one another it can be hard for either to sustain attacks.

56 min Inter take the sting out of things and will surely feel they’re better with than without the ball. Sitting in shape doesn’t necessarily give them control, but after some possession they release Mhitaryan and the ball goes wide to Dumfries, but Lino gets in front and draws the foul. it’s a pretty good likeness too.

55 min That Griezmann chance though – he’ll do well to get a better one. But now Inter know their vaunted defence can give up opportunities like that, which won’t be good for their equilibrium.

53 min Atleti are building momentum, the crowd getting behind them and Inter defending the box.

51 min Ye’ve gottae score! De Paul lifts a nice ball down the line, Llorente lifts cleverly over the head of Dimarco and pushes into the path of the onrushing and unmarked Griezmann! He could even take a touch, but opts to punch first time … straight at Sommer! What a chance that was, and what Morata finishing that was.

52 min “Fully agree with your comment on Peak Atléti,” writes Edward Ricketts. “A supreme example in the Champions League was the 2016 semi second leg against an excellent Bayern side, losing 2-1 but going through on away goals after the most magnificent, desperate, ugly, thrilling, defiant, organised, shithousing second half defensive display I’ve ever witnessed.”

I remember it well, and not just because I’d backed them.

50 min De Paul gives away to Barella, who moves on to Calhanoglu, but as he shoots, Griezmann nashes back and stops him, sliding in front of the ball to block.

49 min I imagine Atleti will still be relatively circumspect, backing themselves to find a goal without conceding if they are. I think Inter, though, should go at them because if they do they’ll score, whereas they might defend really well and still concede.

48 min Atleti push forward, then Llorente thunders a cross miles away from anywhere, even Selhurst Park.

46 min “It’s not called the Wanda anymore,” chides Harvey Halton. “It’s the Civitas Metropolitano. Just call it the Metropolitano.”

I can’t lie, i was thinking of this at the time, one of those films my parents raved about but refused to let me watch. No, not one of those.

46 min We go again, Atleti needing a goal to force extra time.

Plenty of excitement in the Premier League today,” says Peter Pearson. “Bournemouth just made it 3-3 against Luton with a little under a half hour to go. Goal fest.”

Also, Luton were 3-0 up. They’ve been a lot of fun to watch, and I hope they stay up.

Half-time fun:

In Dortmund, the home side still lead PSV 1-0 on the night, 2-1 on aggregate.

44 min In comms, they fancy Atleti, but it’s still huff and puff the way I see it. I think Inter will score again, and I can’t see them conceding twice.

43 min De Paul does really well to run back and win possession he lost, it goes wide to Llorente and into Griezmann coming back from offside and shimmying as he waves feet over ball, desperate not to touch it because he only has centimetres in which to work. Bastoni is foxed too, allowing him to make an angle for a shot as he ducks inside and rolls towards the corner … only for Pavard to stretch a leg with Sommer alreadymoving the other way.

42 min “Would you say Atletico v Inter is more a chess match,” wonders Terry Daley, “or two heavyweights sizing each other up?”

It’s funny how these things become part of the lexicon isn’t it? The only kids’ game it’s alright to use as an example of winning mentality is tiddlywinks, which I find grossly unfair on Stratego, Pishy-Pashy and Guess Whom.

41 min Hermoso misjudges the path of a ball so Barella stabs it away from him; he’s quickly hauled back, and the defender is booked.

38 min “I agree wholeheartedly with your comment on 20 minutes, returns Joe Pearson. “I’m double-screening, and find myself watching much more of Dortmund - PSV. And besides, do Atleti ever play enjoyable matches? They’ll need to even this up to engage their peak house mode, right?”

I really enjoyed peak Atleti – they were a team I found it fun to watch defending a lead or a 0-0. Now, though, without the same quality and youthfulness, the vibe is different – to come over all how do you do fellow kids, they’ve turned painball into sufferball.

36 min Not so. De Vrij’s foot played Morata on, and Pavard tried playing the ball before Griezmann shot. We have ourselves a ball-game.

32 min I said earlier Inter have the class advantage, but watching this, it’s very clear that even they don’t have the kind of individuals likely to be definitive in the biggest games against the best opponents. That, of course, means they need a system, which is the genius of Inzaghi.

31 min Atleti keep at it, Mkhitaryan losing control and trying to intimate a foul by De Paul. The ref, though, is having no such thing and when the ball reaches Molina, he looks to bend inside the far top corner, wafting high instead.

28 min Koke drives through midfield then when he gets the ball back, spreads to Hermoso who, taking a leaf out of Inzaghi’s manual as a crossing centre-back, picks out Morata in the middle, about the penalty spot! But the pass is just behind him so, though he gets decent power in his header, having to contort body to get at it denies him the possibility of directing it where Sommer isn’t.

27 min Inter probe. They’re getting their passing going, both out of defence and into midfield. I’ll say it again, but if they make this a test of quality, and they can, they win. If they consent to Atleti’s desired test of fibre, they may still win – but they may also lose.

26 min The cameras at the Wanda are too high. We shouldn’t feel like we’re in the back row of the top tier.

23 min Now Atleti come, Koke, his influence growing, picking a pass into Griezmann who, on the edge, swivels to loop a curler over the top.

22 min Inter are asserting. They play out pleasantly and Martinez holds up well, holding off Savic and laying off for Mkhitaryan – yes, he’s playing, though never has anyone been easier to forget. The elusive Armenian coaxes a lovely ball forward for Dimarco, charging down the left, and there’s a man in the middle … but Witsel does brilliantly to slide in an intercept.

20 min On telly, they’re rhapsodising how entertaining this game is, but I can’t quite see why. Neither side look all that, there’s been very little hint of goalmouth action never mind goalmouth action, and not as much physical menace as I’d hoped for.

18 min What’s that?! Barella caresses a pass forwards to Martinez who fancies an instashot and why not, given the form he’s in. And though he doesn’t catch it right, it takes a deflection that has Oblak scrambling to make sure it stays out.

16 min Calhanoglu plays a clever pass into Martinez, coming off the front, and his clever touch almost sticks Thuram in. You can see Inter have far more class going forward, and my sense is that if they find the confidence to play that way, they’ll win match and tie.

14 min Oh, Moratz! De paul loses it but Llorente wins it high, playing a clever one-two off his man then sending it out wide to Morata, who snaps a fine low cross into the corridor … though no one lurks proximate to it.

13 min Thuram is coming into this and he reaches a loose ball first, a lovely pirouette sending the ball on to Hakan, who sets Dumfries away! But from a position not dissimilar to Molina’s wide inside the box, his low shot is saved by Oblak, who also saves the follow-up from an eve tighter angle.

11 min “Those photos you showed of Stefan Savic,” says Charles Antaki. “Intrigued, they reminded me of something – I think it’s this similar pair…”

10 min Atleti win a throw deep inside the Inter half but the visitors run it away with Thuram, who breaks over halfway but never quite like he knows what’s happening next, unloaded by Savic easily enough

8 min Elsewhere, Jadon Sancho has put Dortmund 1-0 on the night and 2-1 up on aggregate against PSV. He’d actually be a good buy for Atléti if they want to replace Morata, a player guaranteed to ensure Simeone remains on a rolling boil at all time.

7 min Inter have won every game they’ve played this calendar year but they’ve begun in circumspect fashion here, looking to ride out the storm rather than assert. Inzaghi has some innovations, but others things stay the same.

5 min Superb from Molina, running away from Hakan and drawing in De Vrij before gliding past into the box! He can only go across goal so he does, and it’s a pretty decent effort too, but Sommer dives to shove away.

4 min Savic leathers into Martinez’s face from 0.000034 yard away, the ball flicks his hand, and the ref gives handball as he’s prostate on the grass.

3 min Does anyone know what happened to Saúl? When i first saw him he reminded me of Bryan Robson and I can assure you there are few finer accolades and few players about whom I’ve said that. His goal against Bayern is one of the great moments in the last decade of this trophy, but whether because of injury or something else, he’s nowhere near the player he looked set to become.

2 min Simeone looks resplendent in a various hues of jet black and his team are right at Inter, getting the ball into the box on various occasions before Molina curls a cross into the box that Molina can’t quite reach with his heed.

1 min Away we go!

“It’s dispiriting when you see flair players at non-elite teams get their big move only to be made more efficient and effective but a lot less fun,” says Martin McCarthy. “I get genuinely excited about watching Michael Olise and I’m not a Palace supporter, but you know if he goes to City then in 18 months’ he’ll morph into another relentless machine-footballer though.”

I know what you mean – it even happened to Cristiano Ronaldo, who was much more fun when he was a right-winger in 2006-07, and least fun once he went to Madrid and became a relentless accumulator. But it’s also fair to say that City have some players it’s not unentertaining to watch.

The Wanda is jumping. I wonder if its inhabitants truly believe their side has a chance of doing anything in this competition, but for the now they’re into the spirit of things.

And here come our teams!

Talking of Savic…

The fight for Atléti tonight could well be to stop Lautaro Martinez. Even when being outscored by Romelu Lukaku, he was Inter’s key attacker, a prickly bundle of invention and scavenging. Hermoso, Witsel and Savic will have a job finding him.

A while ago now…

So where is the game? Atleti will, I imagine, look to get about the spaces vacated by Bastoni and Pavard, Inter’s playmaking centre-backs, and if they can get Barella out of the road, will fancy themselves to create from midfield. Otherwise, though, they’re hoping for a set-piece or something unusual.

Also for you tonight:

OK, I’m no longer excited. I’m sick of it, mates.

A little something from earlier: I reflected on Arsenal v Porto and the new Champions Leaguer format.

Cole, who I really like as a pundit, is interesting on himself, saying he could go in such a team. When he came through he was meant to be amazing, only to end up at Chelsea under Mourinho where he had some of the flair coached out of him. “I’m a competitor,” he says, “and I wanted to win”, also noting that he not compromised, he’d have a good highlight reel but wouldn’t even be sitting in the studio. He almost says that football wasn’t ready for him yet, then Rio says it for him, explaining that he wasn’t a great athlete and didn’t get the protection afforded others now.

Oh man! On TNT, they’re picking their Unfulfilled FC, talking about Arnautovic initially, then going on to Ledley King, Joe Cole saying he couldn’t train. He would’ve won trophies, but he ended up having to stay at Spurs. Ouch.

Anyone who can breeze Serie A – in 2024! – with Darmian, Mkhitaryan, Sanchez, Arnautovic and Klaassen must know something very significant.

I really enjoyed this, on Simone and Inter, by Nicky Bandini earlier this week.

Email! “Enjoyed your riff on ‘unfathomable’,” writes Joe Pearson, “but this word nerd might suggest ‘ineffable’ and ‘ineffability’ to resolve your pretend conundrum. Make sure you give us a good playlist to soundtrack the match!”

OK, you’ve twisted my arm. – I thought you’d never ask! I’m enjoying Kweku Smoke’s new album and also Tony Montana by Skepta, Portable and JAE5.

As for Inter, Inzaghi goes for De Vrij and Dumfires ahead of Acerbi and Darmian. Otherwise, they’re as expected, and unlike their opponents, there’s a sense that they’re coming to a boil.

So what does it all mean? Well Atleti’s two doubts, Morata and Griezmann, make it, but there’s is not a side that inspires hence last weekend’s defeat to Cádiz and three wins in their last 10 games. I was hoping we’d see Arthur Vermeeren tonight, but I knewwe wouldn’t.