“Nice game,” says Pep Guardiola. “It’s so hard at Real Madrid, they’re so good at defending. We were a bit anxious in the first half. We played a lot better in the second half, more composure… Yep, 3-3, we take it. We have to win a game to qualify for semi-final.”

What did he say at half-time? “Be more calm. Move less, be simpler with the ball. Attack [on the] outside. Lot of minutes still to play.”

Sid Lowe’s report from the Bernabéu has now landed, which is my cue to clock off. Do join us again tomorrow for the other two quarter-finals – PSG v Barcelona and Atletico Madrid v Dortmund. Thanks for your company, correspondence and illuminating theories about clusters of goals.

We saw three goals in 14 minutes, twice. The first 14, and the 14 from Foden’s fine shot in the 66th minute to Valverde’s even better one in the 77th.

Gvardiol, whose goal was also very well taken, is giving an interview now. “Good result,” he says firmly.

“I’m lurking in your MBM as I watch the Arsenal-Bayern game,” says Adam K. “I hope you can forgive me!” Of course.

“I just saw Kári’s message about conceding in clusters and overloading circuits, and I could not agree more. I am currently training as a career/life coach, and in the field the theory goes that one can maximise someone else’s performance when they feel empowered to make their own decisions. If you’ll indulge me in extending this from the corporate world into the sporting, that suggests that Kári is correct: City will concede one goal, start racking their brains for what sequence they need to enact in order to respond, before they can unanimously choose one they’ve conceded again, and then the pattern repeats itself.

“Guardiola is obviously a genius but it took him a startlingly long time to realise that by trying to solve every problem, the playbook of possible solutions felt so big to the team that it was actually holding them back. Fascinating stuff -– even the greats are works in progress.”

So both of tonight’s games end up as score draws. A pretty good result for City, and a very good one for the beleaguered Bayern.

City took a sensational lead in no time, then conceded to two deflected shots in two minutes. After a lull that lasted half the game, they gave Real a dose of their own medicine as Foden made it 2-2 and Gvardiol, of all people, instantly put City ahead. It took the best strike of all, a glorious volley from Valverde, to make it 3-3.

Bellingham is arguing with the ref again. City, on the other hand, look pretty happy.

90+3 min No drama yet in added time. What is wrong with these teams?

90+1 min Just four minutes of added time.

90 min Foden went off just before that, to be replaced by Julian Alvarez – Pep’s first sub of the night.

89 min Modric is running the show now, with his artful crosses. The latest one wins a corner, which leads to a shot from Brahim – wide.

86 min Ancelotti uses the pause to make another substitution: Vini Jr off, Joselu on. So City’s defenders no longer have to cope with either of Real’s Brazilian dangermen.

85 min As City threaten again, Foden goes down injured. He looks in a lot of pain: Camavinga stood on the back of his Achilles, by accident as far as I could tell.

“Tim,” says Kim Thonger, “the City fans may not like this but that Foden shot was pure Bobby Charlton. OK, it was with his left foot, but the slight lean backwards, and the body shape, and the arm movement, were exquisite, as Sir Bobby always was.” Good point! Though the United fans may not like it either. You’ve just offended the whole of Manchester, and half of London.

83 min Can’t we just call this the final?

81 min Bellingham, coming alive, uses his head in both senses to carve himself some space in the City box, but he can only win a corner. City clear it and there’s a fracas near the centre circle, which leads to a yellow card for Carvajal.

80 min There didn’t seem to be much danger as a cross was floated over the box, but there was Valverde, hitting a volley with fabulous technique – low and rasping.

78 min Correction! Modric didn’t replace Rodrygo. He took over from Kroos in midfield, which makes more sense, while Rodrygo gave way to Brahim on the wing.

76 min City are slowing the game down, understandably. If they can hold out for 20 minutes, Real will have lost at home for the first time since April.

74 min Arsenal have scored too! Leandro Trossard makes it 2-2 at the Emirates.

72 min That goal did get Pep celebrating, with a dad dance. Ancelotti responded by sending on Luca Modric and taking off Rodrygo, which was a surprise.

71 min Gvardiol has just scored his first goal for City! With a fine, cool, right-foot finish, after good work by Foden and Grealish. City take the lead for the second time.

69 min Pep reacted by gesticulating busily, not in celebration but in order to organise the next phase of the game. And he sent De Bruyne out to warm up. Hope he’s feeling better.

67 min Foden hit a fine shot from the edge of the box, into the top corner. The opening was made by Stones, who sneaked into the inside-right channel, took the ball from Silva, and played a simple square ball.

63 min Better from City. Rodri chips out to Grealish, who wins a corner, but City can’t make it count as Camavinga (I think) picks Foden’s pocket.

62 min Just to show that two can play at that game, Real spend some time just outside City’s box. Nothing comes of it.

60 min Cometh the hour, cometh the man of the first two minutes. Bernardo Silva has a go from distance, but it’s too close to Lunin..

59 min Are Real parking the bus? They’ve got 11 men behind the ball as City play patience again. Foden is almost fouled twice, so he becomes the latest Englishman to give the ref an earful.

56 min Another minute, another shot. Vini Jr goes high with his left foot when he might have done better to switch to his right and stay low. He and Rodrygo have been the stars of the show so far.

55 min Rodri, towering over his opposite number Toni Kroos, heads over the bar from a free kick that was well won by Haaland with two men on him.

53 min Bellingham shoots just wide. Foden gave the ball away, Bellingham slalomed into the box, switched onto his left foot and didn’t get either the power he was after or the precision. He creates himself, which is a better look than swearing at the ref.

51 min Grealish, so wily at getting the whistle on his side, wins a free kick near the D. Silva takes it and goes low again as he did at the very beginning, but this time there is a wall and it does its job.

50 min Foden makes his best run so far, down the left wing, but his cross doesn’t get near Haaland.

49 min Silva finds Grealish, who sashays in and hits his shot too high.

47 min Foden is fouled by Ferland Mendy, who then says something to annoy him. The ref goes over with a word rather than a card.

46 min Real resume with a long ball from the back, which sails harmlessly through to Ortega.

“You know, I used to like Bellingham before he went to Madrid,” says Joe Pearson. “So much fun to watch at Dortmund. Now he seems arrogant, mouthy, full of entitlement. Cristiano Ronaldo 2.0.”

“Re clusters,” says Francis Mead. “I you ask a mathematician, she’ll tell you that when something is truly random, you will see clusters typically – not in some nicely spaced, pleasing to the eye, arranged rhythm. So Guardiola, immortal as he is, is still subject to the laws of gravity and statistics.”

“Many years back,” says Kári Tulinius, “Jonathan Wilson pointed out that Guardiola teams concede in clusters. It’s such a strange thing to see happen over and over again. It’s as if shipping a goal overloads their mental circuits and they’re unable to keep focus.”

“Teams are starting to figure out,” says Tim Pearson, “that it’s not hard to get under Bellingham’s skin and knock him off his game. We saw Brazil do it in the recent friendly and Real are doing it today. He needs to show he can’t be rattled that way.” Amen to that.

45+2 min City push down the right again, but this time they take the patience too far, eating up stoppage time. Real, far more direct, charge upfield, but they can’t get a shot away either.

45 min Phil Foden, who has been less visible than usual, gets busier. A patient move eventually finds Grealish, who slips Rodri in on the overlap. He plays a nice chipped cross, but Haaland climbs on one of the two men marking him and gives away a foul. There will be three added minutes.

42 min Vini Jr, always in the action, goes dancing into the area again. His shot goes straight into the arms of Ortega. As Steve McManaman points out, that was an action replay of Rodrigo’s shot at 30 min.

40 min Look away now if you don’t want to know what’s happening in the other game. There’s been a second for Bayern … from Harry Kane.

39 min Rodrygo is down after getting an arm in the face as Akanji shielded the ball. n a separate incident, Akanji has picked up a yellow card.

36 min Bellingham, brilliant as he is, has become a pain in the ear of the ref. He was getting a bit arrogant for England last month and he’s at it again now. Let your feet do the talking!

34 min Dias goes in hard on Bellingham, leaving him on the floor. No foul, so Real play on and the next whistle goes City’s way.

33 min Rodrygo goes closer this time! Real raced away on the counter, Vini Jr played a nice little lay-off, and Rodrygo hit it hard but too high. Before that, Grealish found a pocket of space in the box and had his shot blocked.

“I think,” says John Potter, “City are now aware Real are not Man U in disguise.”

30 min As the half-hour comes up, Rodrygo surges down the left and fails to make use of the space City are giving him, so his shot goes straight at Ortega.

“Whenever Camavinga gets the ball,” says Kim Thonger, “I, being a bit deaf, think the commentators are shouting Cowabunga.

“Originally, before the Turtles hijacked it, the exclamation was popularised (as Kowa-Bunga) by Chief Thunderthud on the American 40s/50s children’s show Howdy Doody. Later, via surf culture, in the early 1980s it was used as the Cookie Monster’s catch-phrase on Sesame Street.

“Chief Thunderthud, as everyone knows, was later reincarnated as Erling Haaland.”

28 min Real, as if to rub it in, play out from the back with some lovely smooth diagonals. Then it’s their turn to keep the ball in midfield, but Kovacic wins it back and draws a foul from Carvajal.

27 min Ortega, aiming for Jack Grealish on the left wing, hoofs the ball straight out, much to the delight of the crowd.

26 min We should really change the scoreline at the top of the page, to read like this: Deflections 2-1 Clever Free Kicks.

24 min Another spell of possession for City, who are winning on that score, not that Real will care.

23 min If Real can get Bellingham involved, they could be really lethal. So far their attacks have all been Vini Jr plus either Valverde or Rodrygo.

22 min Three goals here, two at the Emirates, where it’s 1-1. Saka for Arsenal, Gnabry for Bayern.

20 min Rudiger, who marked Haaland so well last year, steps out in front of him to make a regal interception.

19 min Now Valverde has a shot. Vini did well again, making a decoy run to remove John Stones from centre stage, but Valverde forgot to make sure there was a deflection.

18 min The assist was by Vini Jr, atoning for his shocker in the second minute. He’s better with the ball than the wall.

15 min Two goals in 114 seconds! There was a great through ball from inside the Real half. Rodrygo ran onto it, held off a defender, only managed to squeezed the ball towards Ortega – but it took another deflection and crept into the corner. Football, bloody hell.

14 min There didn’t even seem to be much danger. Camavinga wandered in from the right, shot with his left and wouldn’t have bothered Ortega … had it not been for the deflection.

11 min It feels as if there may be more goals in this.

9 min City play a few sideways passes, giving me time to tell you what they’re wearing: various shades of purple.

7 min Chaos in the Real box! Haaland has his first shot, and so does Grealish, both scrambled away with none of Real’s usual elegance. City may be wondering if Real are Man United in disguise.

6 min Real come again, with Valverde slipping in Vinicius. City just about clear.

5 min Real hover on the edge of City’s box. It’s Bellingham’s turn to go down, as he spins into Gvardiol, but the ref isn’t playing ball.

3 min The wall was a nonsense. It had only one member, Vinicius Jr, and he lost interest before the kick was taken. Silva saw a gap, low to the keeper’s right, and drove the ball there. A stroke of genius.

1 min Real kick off and bustle down the left. Jack Grealish sees that and does the same himself, drawing a foul from Tchouameni – who is in the book already!

The Bernabeu is a fabulous sight. All white on the night, though dotted with colour.

Carlo Ancelotti, on the occasion of his 200th Champions League Game in charge, looks as mournful as ever. Or he does until he is greeted by Pep Guardiola, whereupon a hug and a warm smile are exchanged. The sorcerer and the other sorcerer.

“Real Madrid formation,” says Dan Christmas. “There’s part of me that wanted to say ‘haha 4-D-2 is that some kind of fancy new algebraic formation’ and there’s part of me that’s wondering if it actually is...” Ha. D is for diamond – I’ve picked it up from Rob Smyth, as it makes the point more crisply than 4-1-2-1-2.

More pre-match reading, from Jamie Jackson in Madrid. Close the lid, raise the volume...

Pre-match reading. Rodrygo, who broke City’s hearts with his brace in 2022, says something striking about them now: “Today, they’re the best team in the world.”