YOU JUST GOT KANED (REPRISE)
What a night it was for Harry Kane on Tuesday at Wembley, scoring twice to down the mighty Finland and also being handed a beautiful golden hat crocheted by everyone’s favourite footballing raconteur Frank Lampard. No, but seriously, winning 100 caps for your country is no mean feat, even when it is a small island whose men’s team has only ever won one major trophy.
At 31, Kane is already England’s leading goalscorer with 68, and with games against Greece and the Finns again next month, he’ll likely add to it. He also has Peter Shilton’s record of 125 caps in his sight, leaving a tantalising prospect: someone who makes a living in the European Union overtaking the former England keeper. *Shakes fist at cloud*. If Kane does surpass Shilton, maybe he could then come for his work, too, appearing as a talking head on GB News to discuss flag design and the woke agenda, with the added gravitas of a 126th cap on the mantelpiece.
Kane is already targeting the pensioner market, alongside his “mate” Snoop Dogg (Snoop Doggy Dogg in old money) by pushing slip-on shoes perfect for ageing rappers and those who can no longer bend over to tie laces. This is the sort of demographic Shilton would seem to be pitching his views to; could he lose his cap record and alliance to Kane just because older people want hot tea, an episode of Morse and some very comfy footwear?
Kane has made his feelings known by singing God Save the Queen/King for the past 14 years. A penalty two years ago resulted in Human Rights World Cup heartache, making sure he can share Shilton’s sense of spot-kick pain and tournament injustice. Kane has even gone undercover in Germany to infiltrate the country’s elite, taking them down from the inside by leading them to a trophy-less season while pummelling goals. Oh, he is clever. Harry Kane MBE: a true English hero and one who seemingly cannot be stopped.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’ve always scored goals throughout my career, even in my youth days. I wasn’t as prolific when I played full-time, but the goals have flown since I started part-time with Brechin City back in the day. Hopefully I can now catch Ally McCoist. That would be unbelievable. I need about 15 league goals this year to give me a chance, then I’ll have to just keep going until I get it. I might have to come on in my zimmerframe just to take penalties” – sticking with the theme of records, Peterhead striker Rory McAllister is setting his sights on surpassing the Rangers great’s mark of 282 after becoming only the third post-war fitba player to score 250 league goals in Scotland. Gordon Wallace (264) is the other.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Further to news that Chelsea may relocate to Earl’s Court in a mixed use development site (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs, full email edition), one wonders if this might include an Ikea. It would be apt given the tendency to come home from one laden down with countless items that looked nice at the time, but have no clear value or purpose, with nowhere to put them” – Kevin Goddard.
Serious crimes deserve long sentences, so I am wondering what we did to deserve the punishment of your football emails. A group of us now have a regular competition to guess how many words the longest sentence will contain. Yesterday’s 57-worder was only Championship stuff compared with a recent 88-word effort. Sometimes it’s the average that gets us. There was a 42-word average back in a classic July email. And that was with a seven-word first sentence. The second was 45 and the third 60. There was a second 60-worder and a 57-worder. Whether consecutive or concurrent, that many long sentences amounted to a cruel and unusual punishment” – Chris Wheal.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Kevin Goddard, who wins a 7” vinyl copy of Manchester United Calypso, a soulful classic reissued by Be With Records. If you’re not a winner, visit their online store to pre-order your own. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
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