… and with that, today’s Clockwatch comes to a serene halt. Time to pop over to the MBM, where Rob Smyth will guide you through all the action at Dean Court, where Bournemouth take on an Arsenal side shorn of Bukayo Saya but now with added Mikel Merino. Thanks for reading!

Match report: Celtic 2-2 Aberdeen. “At half-time, the billing of this fixture as a top of the table extravaganza felt like a breach of the Trades Descriptions Act,” begins Ewan Murray at Parkhead. “What happened next owed plenty to Celtic defensive deficiency and Aberdeen’s refusal to wilt.”

Match report: Southampton 2-3 Leicester City. Here’s how the Foxes stunned Southampton with a dramatic comeback at St Mary’s.

Match report: Ipswich Town 0-2 Everton. “Here was a hard lesson that playing the right way will not always land the right result,” observes John Brewin from Portman Road.

Match report: Newcastle United 0-1 Brighton & Hove Albion. “A PhD student could surely have used these 102 minutes on Tyneside as the basis for a thesis on the vagaries of the game’s fluctuating fortunes,” suggests Louise Taylor at St James’ Park.

Match report: Manchester United 2-1 Brentford. “Rasmus Højlund’s winner was a strike of certifiable skill and will bring a calmer vibe to Erik ten Hag,” begins Jamie Jackson, reporting from Old Trafford.

Match report: Fulham 1-3 Aston Villa. “When will the Unai Emery era reach its ceiling?” wonders Ben Bloom at Craven Cottage.

Back to the Championship. None of the drama provided by the Premier League or Scottish Premiership, but here’s the table nonetheless, for Clockwatch completists worldwide.

… that aforementioned Simon McMahon / James Humphries love-in. And a day of contrasts for our Dundee United and Motherwell supporting heroes north of the border.

SIMON: I’m sure James is a lovely guy, but I’m sorry, the 1991 Scottish Cup final is still just too raw.

JAMES: Apologies to McMahon; finished 0-1 to Dundee. I can only conclude that the ref got his heart broke by a Motherwell girl, but nonetheless we could have played all bloody day and not scored. Christ, it’s time for a pint.

SIMON: Oh my days! 3-2 United, 90+3 and 90+8. Football, eh, bloody hell.

Scottish Premiership table. For a wee while there, Celtic looked to have put 1985-style pretenders Aberdeen in their place. But then the second half happened, and now look! Meanwhile at the bottom, Hearts leapfrog their city rivals Hibs, who capitulated late at Tannadice. Speaking of which …

Premier League table. Aston Villa’s win at Fulham draws them level on points with Manchester City and Arsenal. Brighton also move on up after their win at Newcastle, although their victory is tempered by the back injury suffered by Danny Welbeck. Manchester United make it back into the top half with a come-from-behind defeat of Brentford. And it’s good news for Leicester and Everton at the bottom, but a complete sickener for Southampton, who gave up a two-goal lead at home to crumble to a seventh defeat from eight. They now prop up the entire division, and their manager Russell Martin is passed the Crisis Baton by a relieved Erik ten Hag.

Scottish Premiership full-times.

• Celtic 2-2 Aberdeen

• Dundee United 3-2 Hibernian

• Heart of Midlothian 4-0 St Mirren

• Motherwell 0-1 Dundee

• St Johnstone 3-0 Ross County

Championship full-times.

• Blackburn Rovers 1-0 Swansea City

• Cardiff 5-0 Plymouth Argyle

• Luton Town 3-0 Watford

• Middlesbrough 0-2 Bristol City

• Millwall 1-1 Derby County

• Oxford United 1-1 West Bromwich Albion

• Preston North End 1-0 Coventry City

• Queens Park Rangers 1-2 Portsmouth

• Sheffield Wednesday 0-2 Burnley

• Stoke City 1-1 Norwich City

Elsewhere in the Scottish Premiership … now then … Dundee United were 2-1 down at home to Hibernian with five minutes to play. Then the Hibees captain Joe Newell got himself sent off, picking up a second yellow card. Cue capitulation. Luca Stephenson forced an equaliser after three minutes of injury time, and then in the ninth additional minute, Meshack Obuchioma completed the comeback of comebacks on a day of comebacks. The match finishes 3-2 to the Tangerines, and we expect to hear from Simon McMahon soon, providing somebody can scrape him off the ceiling.

Celtic 2-2 Aberdeen. Some late drama in the tenth minute of injury time! Slobodan Rubezic fouls Luke McCowan inches outside the Aberdeen box, but it’s just a free kick. That’s deflected over the bar, and from the resulting corner, Duk blocks on the line. Penalty?

Newcastle 0-1 Brighton. Dan Burn breaks clear and dinks home, but he’s clearly offside and the flag pops up.

Southampton 2-2 Leicester. Facundo Buonanotte is this close to completing the turnaround for the Foxes against ten-man Saints. His curler whistles past the post.

Ipswich 0-2 Everton. Ipswich are doing absolutely nothing at Portman Road. No shots on target, and Everton are completely comfortable as they look to see out this relegation six-pointer. Everton, closing in on seven points from the last nine, and unbeaten since shipping a two-goal lead at Aston Villa in mid-September, might not be in the relegation picture for much longer.

Newcastle 0-1 Brighton. According to Sky, Danny Welbeck took an accidental knee in the back from Fabian Schär. He was given gas before being stretchered straight to an ambulance.

Manchester United 2-1 Brentford. United remain in control at Old Trafford. Brentford not offering much.

Newcastle 0-1 Brighton. Worrying news at St James’ Park, where the goalscorer Danny Welbeck is carried off having injured his back. A seven-minute stoppage. God speed.

Southampton 2-1 Leicester. Saints are on the rack at St Mary’s. Jamie Vardy looks to have been pulled back by a defender, and the referee is called over to the VAR screen.

Ipswich 0-2 Everton. The second half has started in Suffolk.

Manchester United 1-1 Brentford. So yes, that controversial opening goal. Here’s another / a different reason why United were so animated, courtesy of Chris Mayo: “The issue is that the goal went in way past the allotted injury time, there weren’t any further stoppages in injury time. So why the extra time?”

Manchester United 1-1 Brentford. Alejandro Garnacho, having levelled things up in short order, nearly puts the hosts in front with a determined slalom and shot. Mark Flekken is up to the task of palming it away. United in full flow and with the wind behind! That hairdryer, you see.

Ipswich 0-2 Everton. It’s half-time at Portman Road, where the match was delayed for 15 minutes due to turnstile issues. As things stand, Kieran McKenna’s wait for a first Premier League victory looks likely to go on.

Half-time claret-soaked postbag. “Today’s events are United in a nutshell these days: a bleeding mess!” – Justin Kavanagh

“Of course it’s the officials’ fault for not letting De Ligt stay on the field when he was still bleeding from the side of his head, and absolutely not the fault of the other nine outfielders for not marking or challenging Pinnock at the corner” – Andy ‘Not That One’ Flintoff

“Danny Welbeck’s highest total goals in one was season was 12 in 2011-12, and since then he’s just twice reached ten. Even if he slacks off a bit, he’s on track for his best season ever. Next month he’ll turn 34 years old. He’s the fine wine of football” – Kári Tulinius

Scottish Premiership half-times.

• Celtic 2-0 Aberdeen

• Dundee United 1-1 Hibernian

• Heart of Midlothian 1-0 St Mirren

• Motherwell 0-1 Dundee

• St Johnstone 2-0 Ross County

“It’s 1-1 between Dundee United and Hibs at halftime,” begins Simon McMahon, of north-of-the-border turf-war fame. “James Humphries will be receiving a letter from my solicitor ordering him to remove his tanks from my lawn if Motherwell don’t overturn an 1-0 deficit at home to Dundee. And can’t believe I forgot about the Eric Morecombe derby where it’s, disappointingly, Forfar 0 East Fife 0.”

Humphries responds: “The dark blues are one up; ref’s their best player by a mile. This has not been a top-class half of football.”

This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Championship half-times.

• Blackburn Rovers 1-0 Swansea City

• Cardiff 5-0 Plymouth Argyle (FT)

• Luton Town 3-0 Watford (FT)

• Middlesbrough 0-2 Bristol City

• Millwall 0-0 Derby County

• Oxford United 1-1 West Bromwich Albion (FT)

• Preston North End 1-0 Coventry City (FT)

• Queens Park Rangers 1-1 Portsmouth

• Sheffield Wednesday 0-1 Burnley

• Stoke City 1-1 Norwich City

That controversy, then, over Matthijs de Ligt’s head injury and Brentford’s subsequent goal scored in his absence. On Sky, former Premier League referee Mike Dean says: “He went off three times … first time it doesn’t work … you either keep him off a little bit longer or sub the player … there’s no fault whatsoever on the match officials … once he’s bleeding, he cannot stay on the pitch … he tried his hardest to wipe the blood on his shirt, because his shirt is red, thinking he was going to get away with it … but it was all over his face … the referee has no choice whatsoever to send him off to get treated … you can’t blame the ref … blame their medical team for not stopping the bleeding.”

Manchester United 0-1 Brentford. While players and staff fume – Erik ten Hag is booked for telling it as he sees it - some of the United faithful boo. Old Trafford rarely turns on the manager, so most likely that’s aimed at the officials.

Manchester United 0-0 Brentford. Matthijs de Ligt’s head wound splits open again, requiring more treatment. Once again he’s patched up and sent back to work. Not ideal, though, with United already missing a few of their defenders through injury. They’ll hope to patch up the Dutch international properly during the break.

Ipswich 0-1 Everton. The referee is hauled over to the screen. A quick look, and the decision is reversed. No penalty.

Ipswich 0-1 Everton. Jack Clarke is brought down by Dwight McNeil and a penalty is awarded. Or has Clarke kicked the back of McNeil’s leg? The referee has awarded a spot kick, but VAR is taking a long look.

Manchester United 0-0 Brentford. United have had a couple of extremely presentable chances, but Christian Eriksen and Alejandro Garnacho have been unable to take advantage. The story of United’s season. OK, one of the stories of United’s season.

Newcastle 0-1 Brighton. That was a big blow for the Toon, who had been on top. Moments earlier, Alexander Isak was sent scampering clear on goal, but couldn’t convert. Danny Welbeck’s response, reward for a cute one-two, was Brighton’s first whack at goal.

Fulham 1-1 Aston Villa. Matty Cash handles, the ball headed onto his outstretched arm. Penalty! But when Andreas Pereira takes, Emi Martinez guesses the right way, and flops on the weak effort. Chance to retake the lead spurned by the hosts!

Ipswich 0-0 Everton. Early opportunities at both ends, with Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Jack Clarke missing fine chances. File under: Worth Waiting For, Nearly.

Celtic 0-0 Aberdeen. No goals yet at Parkhead. Or in the match between Motherwell and Dundee, which is being watched by James Humphries, reporting from north of the border / performing donuts in a tank on Simon McMahon’s lawn: “Another beautiful day in Lanarkshire; ten minutes in at Fir Park and Lennon Miller has already done three impossible things. He’s gonna be a great player for Celtic one day (he said, wearily).”

Manchester United 0-0 Brentford. Matthijs de Ligt is fine to continue, despite that whack drawing plenty of blood. He’s patched and cleaned up, and away we go again.

Ipswich 0-0 Everton. The game has finally started at Portman Road.

Manchester United 0-0 Brentford. … meanwhile on the pitch, Matthijs de Ligt has taken a whack upside the head from Kevin Schade, injuring himself while making a heavy challenge. He’s currently getting it fixed by the physio as the game goes on.

Manchester United 0-0 Deptford Brentford. No sign of former Manchester United ambassador Sir Alex Ferguson in the Old Trafford stand. That’s because of a long-standing prior arrangement, according to the United PR people, who Sir Jim Ratcliffe will note are earning their money for sure this afternoon.

Before Brentford score their usual early goal, let’s have a quick rummage around the pre-match postbag. “Greetings from California at sunrise! Thanks for the respite from my country’s existential dread of another Trump administration with a cracking schedule of football. I am trying to adopt a more positive attitude towards my Everton six-pointer fixture with Ipswich but my ulcer isn’t co-operating at the moment. Hopefully Pickford used up his quota of Howlers versus Greece. Come on you Blue” – Mary Waltz

“Between Brentford’s fast starts and Man Utd’s sleepy, all-sorts midfield and defense, there is about 600 ways this could go wrong from here till Wednesday! Could this be the end then, beautiful friend?” – Karen Asad

“I am VERY much looking forward to today’s action, especially THE match of the day, for once coming from north of the border, with Lord Ferg’s old club in great form and with a chance to do what Rangers have failed to do these last few seasons. But I’m also fascinated to see how the curse of Ratcliffe (see also Ineos Britannia, Ineos Grenadiers, Ineos Formula One...) plays out on the greensward this afternoon. Clearly, Brentford will score inside 2 mins and that will then be a proper test of the United crockery. Squillions of quid invested and not a single trophy to show for it. You have to admire the depth of his pockets, while wondering how much longer he will feel like dipping his hand in them. Come on you Nylons!” – Jeremy Boyce

Ipswich v Everton. There’s going to be a 15-minute delay at Portman Road. Turnstile issues, it’s reported.

It’s 3pm and whistles sound across the land. Here we go, kids!

Speaking of the old fitba, here’s Clocko’s old pal from the banks of the rolling waters of the River Tay, Simon McMahon. “Continuing the 1980s nostalgia theme, Dundee United are at Pittodrie next week, after today’s visit of Hibs to Tannadice. 40 years since this, in the same year Dundee United took a 2-0 lead to Rome in the European Cup semi finals, and the year after Aberdeen became the last side to defeat Real Madrid in a European final. How times change.”

… and seeing we’re also keeping a beady eye on the Celtic-Aberdeen clash, here’s how things stand in the Scottish Premiership. Is it possible that Jimmy Thelin will become the Alex Ferguson to Brendan Rodgers’ Davie Hay? Ewan Murray allows himself to dream a little dream before deciding naw.

There have been four early games in the Championship as well. Here are the luncheon-infused classifieds.

• Cardiff City 5-0 Plymouth Argyle

• Luton Town 3-0 Watford

• Oxford United 1-1 West Bromwich Albion

• Preston North End 1-0 Coventry City

Cardiff spring from the bottom of the table by routing the extremely hard-to-predict Plymouth Argyle. Luton also enjoy themselves with a big win, theirs coming over M1 rivals Watford. Coventry City, who in a parallel universe are the holders of the FA Cup, continue their worrying decline with defeat at Preston. And Oxford continue to go along nicely, like it was the mid-80s all over again, a late equaliser earning a point against promotion hopefuls West Brom. All of which means the table looks like this going into the 3pms …

The Premier League table. Here’s how everyone sits after Tottenham’s rout of their London rivals and ahead of the 3pms. Aston Villa, Brighton, Newcastle, Fulham and Brentford all have a chance to make some waves towards the top, but it’s down below where the real action is this afternoon, with relegation six-pointers involving Ipswich, Everton, Saints and Leicester. Manchester United meanwhile are loitering on the Purgatory Mezzanine, so expect plenty more noise coming from off-stage afterwards if they don’t pick up three points at Old Trafford.

FULL TIME: Tottenham Hotspur 4-1 West Ham United. The lunchtime match has just finished, and this time it’s been West Ham’s turn to implode in the second half. Spurs rebound from their capitulation at Brighton to move into sixth place in the Premier League … for a couple of hours at least. Ange Postecoglou’s side were full of the usual attacking verve, though the Hammers were a desperate shambles and Julen Lopetegui trotted off down the tunnel with a face on. Rob Smyth has all the details.