When the idea for the Conference League first came to Uefa, it is unlikely that anybody in Nyon envisaged that one day a club of Chelsea’s means would be pumping six unanswered first-half goals past an Armenian side who were founded only seven years ago.
The point is that this competition was brought into existence for the benefit of Europe’s smaller clubs. There is little for Chelsea to gain, much as the prospect of adding another European trophy to their extensive haul will appeal to their supporters, and the truth is there was something faintly preposterous about this 8-0 victory over Noah.
This was less a contest, more an exercise in shooting practice for João Félix, and it spoke volumes that Enzo Maresca was once again able to make 11 changes without disrupting his team’s flow. Chelsea cruised as they maintained their perfect record and went top of the league phase, while the main positive for Maresca was seeing members of his expensively assembled reserves build confidence and momentum. Marc Guiu and Tosin Adarabioyo scored their first goals for the club, Enzo Fernández picked up a hat-trick of assists and Mykhailo Mudryk lapped up the acclaim after a beautiful curling strike.
This was fun from the start. There was an early flurry from Noah, Gonçalo Gregório left alone and free to test Filip Jörgensen with a firm effort, but there was a hopeless naivety to their attempts to play. Chelsea soon stirred from their slumber and the rout should have been under way sooner, the visitors cut to shreds by Tyrique George, only for Félix to deny the debutant an assist by contriving to divert his cross away from an empty goal.
It was a contender for miss of the season from Félix, although his belief remained undimmed. For Noah, this was at least an opportunity to see why the Portugal forward was once regarded as one of Europe’s hottest prospects. Félix had time to do as he pleased alongside the other No 10, Christopher Nkunku, and was nonchalant when another chance arrived in the 21st minute. In truth the pressure had rather lifted given that Chelsea were already 3-0 up when the former Atlético Madrid forward lifted a cute finish over Ognjen Cancarevic after being released by Fernández.
Four goals to the good with more than an hour left, Chelsea could relax. The floodgates had opened after 12 minutes, Adarabioyo nodding in Fernández’s corner, and Noah were soon punished again. Gonçalo Silva’s pass across defence was short and Guiu nipped in to score with an emphatic finish.
This was a night for boosting home morale. Fernández whipped in another corner for Axel Disasi to head in the third. Mudryk made it 5-0 when he cut inside from the left and bent a beautiful shot into the top corner from 25 yards.
Rui Mota, Noah’s manager, had used his pre-match press conference to deliver the line everyone wanted: no, he said, his team would not be parking the ark. But his humour seemed to evaporate as he watched shots rain on his team’s goal. Nkunku and George went close before Disasi turned playmaker, swapping right-back for attacking midfield and releasing Félix, who dipped inside and made it six just before half-time.
The only question left was whether Chelsea would ease up during the second half. Maresca made changes, Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall and Cesare Casadei replacing Guiu and Fernández, and there was some light relief near the home bench. Nicolas Jackson was very pleased with himself after balancing a cup of soup on Marc Cucurella’s head.
Down on the pitch, Félix was chasing a hat-trick and Nkunku was threatening to score. Cancarevic kept going down and asking for treatment. A cynic could have been forgiven for thinking that the goalkeeper was going out of his way to be taken off.
Noah refused to lie down. There was an absurdity to them trying to compete with a team blessed with so much depth. Nkunku went through, saw a shot blocked and Cancarevic collapsed with his head in his hands when Nkunku hooked in the rebound.
Chelsea, remember, were doing this without Cole Palmer, who has been allowed to rest his legs on Thursday nights. They even had help from the officials, a call by VAR for a supposed foul on Dewsbury-Hall allowing Nkunku to round off the scoring from the spot and hammer home the Premier League’s financial muscle.
