The Mill is simple folk, and it needs only one tool to ply its trade: a big bundle of tabloid newspapers and a keyboard to tap out its tattle. Oh.
The Mill is simple folk, and it needs only two tools to ply its trade: a big bundle of tabloid newspapers, a keyboard to tap out its tattle, and a pellet of New Zealand-import cattle de-wormer to take the edge off at 7am. Oh.
The Mill is simple folk, and it needs only three tools to ply its trade: a big bundle of tabloid newspapers, a keyboard to tap out its tattle, a tab of New Zealand-import cattle de-wormer to take the edge off at 7am, and a purple tin of fulminant reducer to wash it all down. Oh.
The Mill is simple folk, and let's be completely honest here: it needs eff all to ply its trade except a big bundle of tabloid newspapers; all the rest is just luxury. But as it creeps ever closer to 7am, as the air conditioner growls into gear over Kings Cross station, as the shift changes on Sky Sports News and as the warmth of the pellet and purple tin swathe the Mill (who has tonight doubled as night-shift editor Mill) in its clammy, anxious blanket of oblivion, there's still eff all sign of A BIG BUNDLE OF TABLOID NEWSPAPERS.
Which can mean only one thing. Hold tight. We're going the online route. Let's keep this brief.
Rafael Benitez has been handed a £30m "war-chest" in which he will find pretty much everything ever recorded by Megadeth, and if things go according to plan, the new Jermaine Pennant, Tottenham Hotspur's Aaron Lennon, and the new Gareth Barry, Aston Villa's Gareth Barry.
Barcelona's Thierry Henry has also said that if he ever leaves Barcelona, it would be for Liverpool.
Another player whose future has been committed to Barcelona is Valencia's David Villa, whose Mr 15% has tacitly insisted Manchester City send him bricks of million pound notes encased in gold and bound with platinum lace, by suggesting that his client wants to line up alongside Lionel Messi next season and not Ched Evans.
And another Villa, Aston, are banking on securing a spot in next year's Champions League so that they can prise £13m out of Randy Lerner's bum-bag and into the coffers of Standard Liege in exchange for their midfielder Steven Defour.
Milan, however, have been told they can do one if they're going to start sniffing around Manchester United's Nemanja Vidic.
Post your own rumours below and let's pretend this never happened.
