So will this game be as good as the classic 1978 encounter between Ron Atkinson's famous side and Dave Sexton's bloody awful one? No. But one can dream.

A first Premier League start for Brazilian teenager Rafael: Van der Sar, Rafael Da Silva, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Ronaldo, Fletcher, Giggs, Park, Berbatov, Rooney.
Subs: Kuszczak, Neville, Brown, Nani, O'Shea, Evans, Gibson.

West Brom, who are looking for their first win here since that Regisfest in 1978, are skippered by former Red Devil Jonathan Greening: Carson, Zuiverloon, Donk, Olsson, Robinson, Morrison, Koren, Borja Valero, Greening, Brunt, Bednar.
Subs: Kiely, Hoefkens, Cech, Barnett, Miller, MacDonald, Moore.

Referee: Mark Halsey (Lancashire)

Kick off is at 5.30pm. Let's just kick back a while.

Raging paranoia which may begin look like a great call in 20 minutes time: "Good to see you MBM-ing an Albion game," writes Chris B, labouring under the misapprehension that we somehow choose the matches we cover ourselves, rather than meekly follow whatever road the suits at Sky and Setanta traipse down. "This being Old Trafford, I predict a goal disallowed for Bednar for a dubious offside, a penalty for United which wasn't, and the sending off of either Robinson or Olsson, or both. Oh, and United to slaughter us; but that's just my optimistic side. Boing boing."

And we're off! United set the ball rolling, kicking towards whatever the end that isn't the Stretford End is called.

3 min: Not much going on here at all. That's how I like it.

5 min: "Are you done kicking back and dreaming and all that rot?" splutters Eric Calhoun. "The game has started, get to typing!" It hasn't, you know. It really hasn't.

6 min: Something happens! Evra slips the ball out to Ronaldo on the left, and the future Real Madrid star wins a corner. The in-form Rooney takes it, gets the ball shuttled back to him and swings it in towards Vidic, who from six yards at the far post heads meekly into the air and out of play.

9 min: United win a free kick 35 yards out. Ronaldo's effort is shanked at slow speed into the Albion wall. The Baggies will be perfectly happy with this start; United have hardly come flying out of the blocks here.

10 min: Some nice first-touch interplay near the centre circle between Koren, Greening and Morrison, but it comes to naught.

12 min: Valero sweeps a majestic crossfield pass, left to right, to find Morrison in space on the wing. The Scotland international cuts inside and nearly gets the better of Evra, but the full back is determined and eventually dispossesses his man. Neat play from West Brom, though.

14 min: Manchester United have achieved the sum total of eff all at the moment. I've seen them start matches badly, but rarely as listlessly as this. West Brom must take a lot of credit, Valero, Morrison, Greening, Koren and Brunt all showing plenty of enterprise in midfield. Brunt picks up the ball and advances on the United area, but his long-range effort is easily snaffled by Van der Sar.

18 min: Park just beats Olsson to a 60-40 ball in the centre of the park, with United five on three. He's upended for his trouble; Olsson gets a yellow for his. The free kick is totally wasted and not worth the effort of describing. So I won't. This is so flat as to be untrue.

22 min: United have a goal disallowed. At Old Trafford. Yep. Ronaldo slips a lovely ball into the box down the inside-left channel. Rooney picks it up, cuts inside, and slaps the ball over the advancing Carson and into the net. But he's pulled back for a nudge on Olsson as he takes possession. That was a fairly lame push - but a push nonetheless. Giggs is livid, and no wonder, because that was a pretty generous decision.

24 min: Ronaldo is assaulted in a terrible pincer movement by a blade of grass on one side and a slight gust of wind coming in from the other. He tumbles over as though he's just been told he's never going to play for Real Madrid, not ever, and is somehow awarded a free kick for his trouble. Twenty-five yards out on the left, it is again witlessly wasted. This is a very strange performance by United (who could admittedly be 1-0 up nevertheless).

28 min: United win another free kick, Ronaldo actually being fouled this time. This one is central, this one is wasted, Ronaldo banging it straight into the wall.

30 min: Ronaldo bursts into the West Brom box and is about to take a shot from eight yards out when Robinson scoots over from his left-back position and hustles him away from danger. That was great defending, because Ronaldo did little wrong there.

33 min: United are beginning to put on some pressure now, most of the action being played out in the West Brom final third. Rooney, Giggs and Ronaldo have all enjoyed plenty of ball in and around the area, not that Carson has had to make too many saves. West Brom will continue to be content with a staunch display.

35 min: United win a couple of corners, but nothing comes of them. Nobody really seems that fussed, either. Have I been spiked with ketamine?

36 min: Evra goes off to be replaced by O'Shea. He's injured, though I'm not sure what's up with him. Maybe he's been spiked with ketamine.

38 min: Rooney picks the ball up in the West Brom area eight yards out. He tries to turn but Donk is right at his back, and eventually Morrison comes in to whisk the ball away from danger. "You'd be as livid as Giggs (22 min)," begins Mac Millings, "if your team had been disallowed a goal in direct opposition to Law 41.1 (b): 'If a goal is scored after an infringement, the goal is to be disallowed in all circumstances other than when scored by the home side at Old Trafford.' A perplexing decision by the official. This is surely one for the next You are the Ref."

40 min: Zuiverloon is booked for upending Ronaldo. That's after a United move has been allowed to continue down the pitch, resulting in a corner on the left. From it, Ferdinand and Robinson contest a high ball at the far post: Robinson bundles the ball out of play, having done so (according to Ferdinand) with his hand. The ref is having none of it. The resulting corner is met by the head of Vidic, but his effort from ten yards is blocked and bounds out of the area.

42 min: BERBATOV TOUCHES THE BALL! Yes, he really did touch it!

45 min: Giggs swings a ball into the area from the left. Park races in from the right, attempting to meet it with his head but only achieving the bowling over of Robinson. There will be one more minute of this half, which if in any way similar to the preceding 45, will seem like an hour.

HALF TIME: An exceptionally soporific Manchester United 0-0 A determined West Bromwich Albion. Ssh, don't make a sound, Old Trafford's sleeping. Let's wake everyone up in 15.

Wakey wakey, rise and shine! And we're off again. So, OK, this can't be as laid back a half of football as the one just gone. Can it? West Brom get the ball rolling. And lose it within three seconds. The only way is up.

47 min: A lot of pointless passing. West Brom's shirts, by the way, are a work of art. This is mainly down to the lack of sponsor on the front, but the shirts are a nice, simple design anyway, with no needless flourishes or unnecessary flashes of colour. Umbro should be congratulated for that, as usually sports clothing companies do their level best to bugger everything up.

49 min: Morrison cuts inside from the right, rolls the ball to Valero, who feeds Brunt on the edge of the area. Brunt tries to curl it into the top-left corner, but only just manages to keep it inside the top-left corner of the stadium. That was one of West Brom's few sorties upfield, and a decent one at that.

51 min: Some hapless heading by Olsson on the edge of his own area allows O'Shea to slip the ball to Rooney - who absolutely welts the ball goalwards. His shot is parried spectacularly by Carson, though the keeper would have been disappointed had he not got a hand to it. Still, decent football all round. Will this give United a much-needed boost?

54 min: Miller comes on for Bednar.

55 min: United do appear to be much more up for this now. Park bustles straight down the centre of the park, the ball breaking to Berbatov just outside the area. He takes a fair old whack at the ball, but only straight at Carson.

56 min: GOAL!!! Manchester United 1-0 West Bromwich Albion. A great finish from Rooney, who races down the inside left channel, cuts inside past Donk, and wrongfoots Carson with a hard, low effort into the bottom-left corner. That had been coming since the restart.

58 min: Miller works a lovely one-two with Morrison on the edge of the United area. He makes the return just by the byline, but slips as he crosses, the ball sailing sweetly into Van der Sar's hands. Pretty harmless in the end, but promising for West Brom nonetheless, who aren't out of it quite yet.

61 min: Giggs slips a ball straight into the area along the floor. Rooney, brimming with confidence at the moment, takes a shot first time towards the bottom right. Carson does well to turn it round the post - though it might have been going wide anyway. The corner is, yes, you guessed it.

64 min: Valero drags and shimmies in the centre of the pitch awhile, eventually attempting to slip Morrison free down the right. The ball's too heavy and possession is lost, but Valero looks like a very decent player indeed. Meanwhile Vijayant Singh is watching the game in India: "I think this a not a football game but a Test Cricket match between West Indies(which- after looking at an atlas for 28752875 hours- is not a country!!!) and losers England. P.S Man Utd are going to lose 4-0 all goals being ronaldo own goals. P.P.S The new Oasis album is mint. Ha." That's possibly the most gloriously unhinged email ever sent to the MBM (although he was going so well until he mentioned Oasis).

66 min: Gary Neville comes on for Rafael.

68 min: A lot of pointless passing again. "I'm no good at this prediction lark, am I?" asks Chris B, who before the match reckoned we would see a Bednar goal disallowed for a dubious offside, a penalty for United which wasn't, the sending off of either Robinson or Olsson, or both, and a United goalfest. No, Chris, no you're not. Though you are better than Vijayant Singh, I'll give you that. "We could still get slaughtered, though." That is true.

69 min: GOAL!!! Manchester United 2-0 West Bromwich Albion. Will this make Chris B feel better about himself? No. A simple goal this, Rooney sliding a ball straight down the centre of the pitch for Ronaldo, who loses Olsson easily and slips a shot past the advancing Carson.

71 min: GOAL!!! Manchester United 3-0 West Bromwich Albion. Oh Chris B, what have you said? Nani, who has just come on for Park, sends a fairly poor cross in from the left. But it bounces under the flat feet of Olsson, and finds Berbatov, six yards out and unmarked. He prods the ball past Carson and has the class to look vaguely embarrassed for Olsson and West Brom.

75 min: Nani, Rooney, Berbatov and Ronaldo are just showing off now.

76 min: They're still showing off.

79 min: West Brom enjoy a minute or so in United's half, stroking it around the centre circle with aplomb. They can't get it forward, though, the ball eventually being lost when Morrison goes on a charge down the left.

81 min: United win a free kick just to the right of the West Brom area. Giggs stands over it and decides to take a thrash at goal himself. It's terrible, sailing high wide right. By the way, Moore came on for Koren nine minutes ago.

83 min: See 81 minutes, except this time Giggs sends it flying right across the face of goal and out of play on the left. And Moore now came on for Koren 11 minutes ago.

85 min: We're done here. "I still say that United will get a dubious penalty from Ronaldo diving," insists Aidan Gibson.

87 min: Ronaldo slips the ball into the box towards Berbatov, who looks like getting to it first but is stymied by Donk, who gets a toe in at the last minute. West Brom have kept going here.

88 min: Wow, Miller is this much away from scoring a spectacular goal. He cuts inside from the right and unleashes a wonderful rising shot towards the top-left corner. Van der Sar was beaten - just - but the ball driftes milimetres wide of the left-hand post. So unlucky.

89 min: United are fannying around in the West Brom half - "Now they really are taking the piss," opines Setanta's Craig Burley, the last word sticking in his throat as he realises what he's saying - when the ball breaks to Miller. He powers down the pitch and into the United area - but with Giggs tracking back can only shoot straight at Van der Sar. A strong showing at the end from Miller, this, though.

90 min: GOAL!!! Manchester United 4-0 West Bromwich Albion. Berbatov rolls the ball out right to Rooney, who trundles it across the face of goal for Nani to sidefoot home. So simple. United have been the dominant side, no question, but West Brom don't deserve a tonking.

FINAL SCORE: Manchester United 4-0 West Bromwich Albion. That was a pretty terrible first-half performance by United, followed by a very impressive second-half one. West Brom were impressive in fits and bursts, though, and should be givencredit for their efforts. Ultimately, though, there was only ever going to be one winner. United are now ahead of Hull City on goal difference. Well done, United! Ah, hold on, here's some last-minute abuse coming my way, courtesy of Dave Cook: "Greatest kit of all time? Sorry, but you're wrong. The blue and white home kit is the second greatest kit of all time. The yellow and green striped away kit of the same season beats it. Ah, well. At least we didn't get gubbed out of sight."