Tradition: no means never
• 14: Number of Premier League chairmen who voted to reject Celtic and Rangers joining as "neither desirable or viable" due to concerns over finance, practicality and "contravening football tradition". Richard Scuadmore: "It's a non-starter. No means never".
• 20: Number of Premier League chairman who backed the public floating of the 39th game plan last year, worth £80m. "A meaningful Premier League match played abroad," said Scudamore, "is fundamental to exploit nascent interest in the global market."
Jack update: the Midas touch
2007: Fifa VP and Trinidad and Tobago MP Jack Warner unveils the former New York Police commissioner Bernard Kerik as Trinidad's new "crime buster" to head the country's fight against crime and corruption.
2009: Kerik pleads guilty to corruption, tax fraud and lying to the White House; released on a $1.5m bond; could face 60 years in jail.
Sweet FA
Man of the week: Peter Hill-Wood, Arsenal – says he changed his 2007 view that "we don't need Stan Kroenke ... we don't want his sort ... Americans know sweet FA about our football" because "Stan has proved to be a valuable member of the board." Other board news last week: £850k – amount Hill-Wood received from Stan for 100 shares.
Fat news
£75m: cost of the new anti-obesity football PR campaign launched last month, adding to the FA's high-profile "food for football" message aimed at young players. "We're in an influential position to educate."
£82m: Total value of the latest extended FA deals with McDonald's, Mars and Carlsberg; last week's extended £10m McDonald's deal includes a "restaurant-to-club twinning scheme" – formal links between local clubs and their nearest branch of McDonald's.
Journalists: idiots
3 Nov: Peterborough chairman Darragh MacAnthony attacks reports that he's ready to sack Darren Ferguson; says Ferguson has his "full support". "There is no doubt that we have the talent in our camp to do bloody well." Previous month: "There is no better manager in the country to get us out of our current situation".
10 Nov: Sacks him.
Journalists: no insight
Press reports that Robinho is up for a move to Barcelona are baseless, says Mark Hughes: "All these stories are coming from people who have no real insight." City chief executive Garry Cook: "I think some people are trying to make mischief. I don't know where these things come from."
• 10 June, Robinho: "Barcelona are a great team and everybody would love to play for them. So far there is nothing concrete. We will see."
• 8 Sep: "I have always want to play for Barcelona: they are European champions. It is a beautiful city and I like Spain a lot. I am so happy they have noticed me. They're great."
• 15 Oct: "Of course I would like to play for Barça. Who would not? It is a pleasure to watch Barça: they are truly spectacular."
• 26 Oct: "I am very happy that they look at me. Playing in the Nou Camp it would be much easier to be the best player in the world than at Manchester."
• 7 Nov: Father and agent Gilvan da Souza: "The choice is very exciting. We'll see."
Crisis solving
Victoria Beckham: left moved after visiting poverty-hit kids in rural Kentucky with son Brooklyn to hand out shoes, books and backpacks. "I know we can begin to reverse the childhood poverty crisis. I'm pleased Brooklyn is learning about helping other children. We have to make sure every single child has a fair and equal start in life." Other Becks news last week: £10m – David's first season income just from personal sponsorship; £18,000: Brooklyn's LA day-school fees.
Read my lips
• March, Roman Pavlyuchenko: "I do not pay attention to those who say my career with Spurs is over. All players, even the greatest ones, have to sit on the bench at some point." • November: "I insist on leaving! It is impossible to sit on the bench."
Road wars
Sudanese club Al Merreikh's star Stephen Worgu says he'll appeal after being fined and sentenced to 40 lashes for drink driving. Worgu says a Sudanese police officer stopped him, got into his car, accused him of drinking a "local brew", and then told him to "drive to the police station". "I have done nothing wrong. What a bizarre policeman."
Spirit: broken
Argentina TV showgirl Melina Nicolás says her "spirit is broken" after splitting with Juan Román Riquelme for the final time. The pair met last year in a nightclub ("he asked his friend to approach me and offer me his lollipop"), but have split up several times. Now Melina says it's over forever. "I am a woman and a woman has needs. He serviced his football, but he failed to service me."
