And that’s full-time on today’s blog. Thanks for reading everyone. Get yerself a bite to eat and then join John Brewin for some hot MBM action from Villa Park.

Not long until Aston Villa v Leeds (8pm GMT) gets this weekend’s Premier League action under way. Remember those fantasy teams. Note to self: get rid of Trossard. Talking of which, Peter Oh emails: “Seeing as how Trossard backwards spells Dr. Assort, I think the whole sorry episode could be classified as a total clusterf***.”

Another reader, Jeremy Boyce, is joining Colin (see 14.53 entry) by backing Leeds boss Jesse Marsch. “He took on a mission impossible in terms of occupying the upturned bucket of his predecessor, Bielsa, as well as the hearts and minds of the “Marching on Together” masses, a true poisoned chalice. Bielsa has been sanctified for good reason by the faithful, but the board backed him long and strong to get them back where they belong. There were clearly results issues at the end and the Board made their decision. Could Bielsa have turned it round? What time is Godot coming? Would you rather have Big Sam?

“Marsch channeled his inner Big Sam, and the players delivered, to keep them up. He’s been there a year, give him time and a break. He inherited a decent but disjointed squad, and has lost 3 key players, 2 for the money, 1 (top striker) for the physios. He has kept them in the hunt, trying to get better defensive discipline, but actually adhering to the Bielsa-ball style in many ways. All this with the never-ending questions about future ownership. Mind you, grinding out a horrible 1-0 (own-goal) at VP would suit pretty well too.”

And let’s grant Alan Partridge’s wish and have two positives. This is great. Perhaps the crowd was still in pantomime mode.

Plenty of grim and negative stories in the world of football today but this one can be filed under ‘uplifting’.

(PA Media) Sebastien Haller scored a seven-minute hat-trick in his second game back for Borussia Dortmund after recovering from testicular cancer.

Haller, 28, diagnosed following a routine check-up soon after joining Dortmund from Ajax in July, made a stunning impact off the bench in the German club’s 6-0 friendly win against Basel in Marbella.

The Ivory Coast striker converted an 81st-minute penalty to put Dortmund 4-0 up, tapped in his second in the 87th minute after being teed up by Julian Brandt and then backheeled his third from a corner a minute later.

Haller, who spent one-and-a-half seasons at West Ham before signing for Ajax in January 2021, has made a full recovery after two operations and chemotherapy.

He made his first comeback appearance as a late substitute in Dortmund’s previous 5-1 friendly win against Fortuna Dusseldorf on Tuesday.

Dortmund, sixth in the Bundesliga, return to league action following the winter break at home against Augsburg on January 22.

The missing piece of the ‘red card on debut’ puzzle has been found. Well, just about.

Thomas Baldwin writes: “You (or perhaps Will) said the sent off on debut XI might be struggling for a goalkeeper. I give you Iain Turner of Everton, who was given his marching orders for handling outside his area after nine minutes against Blackburn in Feb 2006. He may have previously played a cup game, but it was certainly his Premier League debut.”

Here’s the Guardian report. Take note of who won Man of the match. Whatever happened to him?

Jürgen Klopp seemed to have the grumps in his Liverpool press conference and Everton boss Frank Lampard hardly seemed fully of joy either when talking to the gathered journos today. The Toffees only just escaped relegation last season and Lampard admitted that losing leading scorer Richarlison to Tottenham left him feeling that Everton would find it hard to improve their eventual finishing position of 16th. He’s not wrong there. Everton are currently 18th.

“The start [to the season] was going to be tough but it was where we are building and for us that probably meant staying where we are in the league and that may be the reality,” said Lampard. “I don’t mean to sound negative. Once Richarlison moved, it’s hard to replace him, a unique player, Brazil’s number nine.

“We lost a couple of players, Delphy (Fabian Delph), (Donny) Van de Beek, Dele (Alli) moved on and some were my choice to improve the midfield. We have to work within our budget, I have to get to work myself, improve as much as we possibly can, it’s a note of realism. I’m not saying that on my own, Evertonians know where we are. We want to get back to where we want to be. That was my feeling just being honest about it.”

Pep Guardiola admits he feared a performance like Manchester City’s below-par display in their midweek Carabao Cup loss to Southampton was coming.

City slumped to a surprise quarter-final exit at the hands of the Premier League’s bottom side at St Mary’s on Wednesday, failing to register a single shot on target in a 2-0 defeat. Midfielder Ilkay Gundogan said after the game he thought the team lacked hunger and Guardiola agreed, feeling the drop in his side’s usual standards was a natural comedown from all their recent successes.

“What happened didn’t surprise me,” said the City manager, whose side face arch-rivals Manchester United at Old Trafford this weekend. “I tried to avoid it. It happened and hopefully it won’t happen again but it’s happened because we did four Premier Leagues in five years. Sometimes you have to reset.

“This was our strength as a team in previous seasons but after back-to-back (titles) two times, this can happen. We were not ready to go there and be ourselves. I’m not talking about winning the Carabao Cup or winning games (now), it’s about being ourselves and behaving how we have to do in every single game.

“I was a little bit concerned at the beginning of the season that this could happen, and unfortunately it happened. I don’t know if it will happen again but there are no concerns about it at all.”

It was suggested to Guardiola that fans would not have liked hearing Gundogan’s comments but the City boss does not feel that is an issue. He said: “City fans cannot complain about what this team is able to do, and has done, and will do – and we cannot talk on behalf of City fans, because there are millions and we don’t know what every single one thinks.”

(PA Media)

Shaun Wilkinson emails in to highlight a notable contrast in managerial responses in two of today’s stories: Joelinton being arrested for drink driving and Leandro Trossard’s omission from the Brighton squad.

“While Roberto De Zerbi is clearly showing he takes no s*** by dropping arguably his best player over a poor attitude, Eddie Howe is still ‘thinking about it’ with regards to Joelinton. Howe may be a very good coach, but he is showing as much backbone here as he does when fielding questions about the Saudi government. Well done De Zerbi.”

What are the odds on Antonio Conte and Mikel Arteta getting embroiled in some rutting stags shenanigans on the touchline this weekend? Emotions are likely to run high in the north London derby but Conte has been talking about “respect” ahead of Sunday’s meeting.

Arsenal have been charged by the Football Association for failing to control their players in the last two matches against Newcastle and Oxford so does Conte have concerns over the Gunners’ behaviour?

“No (concerns) but I like in an important game like this, (to see) the respect is always at the top, OK? You have to show respect in every situation and especially also with the referee because I know very well the difficulty to be a referee, to take decisions.

“I think to intimidate or to create a bad atmosphere is not fair. I don’t like this. I hate the people that try to do it. Don’t forget that we are talking always about a game of football. Sometimes it happens in the emotion, I remember very well against Sporting Lisbon, we scored in the 95th minute and then we stayed five minutes to wait for the VAR decision.

“I was really upset but I never, never lacked the respect of the referee. Then, he sent me away because I went into the pitch but I think in every moment you have to show respect. Don’t forget this is football, an incredible sport and we have to respect each other.”

As for his opposition manager? “For sure, Arteta is a coach like me, we show our passion. What happens on the pitch is the moment, the emotion and nothing can prepare your mind for this. For this reason, sometimes you can celebrate in a strange way. This passion is a pure passion and Arteta is another coach who likes to live the game, likes to stay on the pitch with his team.”

Expect a 30-man brawl then, with both managers being sent to the stands.

Wolves boss Julen Lopetegui has probably had it in the (turtle)neck with Cup competitions in the last week. First, an iffy VAR decision denied his team victory in their third round FA Cup tie at Anfield. And on Wednesday night in the Carabao Cup quarter-finals, his side came out the wrong side in a penalty shootout against Nottingham Forest.

Not a surprise to hear him say this then. “The most important competition is the Premier League, so we have to put the focus in this. We have had a very hard match, two hard matches in a few days, against Liverpool and against Nottingham Forest,” said the Spaniard, whose Wolves team host West Ham on Saturday.

“But now we have enough motivation to recuperate and recover our strengths to be able to play against a very good team, a very strong physical team, with technical players also, so we have to be ready.

“The only aim that we want to achieve is the three points in each match. There’s no more. This is the only way that I know to go ahead in football, is thinking only in the next match. I repeat this a lot and a lot of coaches repeat the same, but this is true. We have to work to be focused in the daily work and don’t think so far, only in the next match.”

Thanks Will. Justice has been done. Talking of red cards, a couple more entries…

Richard Harland: “Andre Bikey was sent off for Reading before he formally signed for the club. For violent conduct in a pre-season friendly when he was on trial from Lokomotiv Moscow. In a pleasing act of symmetry, he was also sent off away at Burnley in his last match for the Royals. Also for violent conduct. He joined Burnley a few weeks later.”

Charlie Bird: “Another West Ham one: Jeroen Boere who was sent off for fighting on his debut against Newcastle. Another in our strikers’ hall of shame was Marco Boogers who, while it was his second game, came on as a sub against Man Utd and his first action was an attempt to break Gary Neville’s legs with a sliding studs up two-footer into the knees. The reddest of red cards.”

Right, that’s all from me. It’s time to hand the blog back to Dave, whose red card has been rescinded after a VAR check.

As for Aston Villa, they will be without John McGinn, their captain, along with Diego Carlos. Leander Dendoncker is suspended, while Matty Cash and Ludwig Augustinsson are both doubts after picking up knocks in their FA Cup defeat to Stevenage.

Ahead of Leeds’ visit to Villa Park later, here’s what Jesse Marsch has said about the game. “I know Unai Emery from playing against Villarreal with Salzburg in the Europa League. His team was very disciplined and defensively sound, but also dangerous in counter-attacking situations. They had a lot of good players and he has a lot of good players again.” Marsch will be without Crysencio Summerville owing to an ankle injury, while Luis Sinisterra and Stuart Dallas are also sidelined. Patrick Bamford should be back in the squad, however, after making a successful return to training.

The WSL gets under way again this weekend after the winter break. Here’s Suzanne Wrack with the lowdown on the title race, the battle for Champions League qualification and the fierce competition for places in England’s World Cup squad.

The FA Cup fourth round TV picks have been finalised. Manchester City v Arsenal, Manchester United v Reading, Brighton v Liverpool or Wolves and Derby v West Ham will be broadcast on ITV. Preston v Tottenham and Wrexham v Sheffield United will be shown on the BBC. The last of those definitely has the biggest Magic of the Cup™ vibes.

Ewan Murray has some thoughts on Ange Postecoglou, Celtic, Rangers and VAR. A brave man indeed.

David Datro Fofana’s transfer to Chelsea has produced an interesting subplot. Abidjan City, his first club, have claimed that Molde, the club he joined on a free transfer in February 2021, “stole” him. They now want the Norwegian club suspended from recruiting players for two years and a ban for the agent involved. Here’s the full story.

The debut dismissals are still pouring in. “Very much enjoying the feature and chat on debut red cards,” says Owen Radford-Lloyd, who fondly recalls “the spectacular [Leeds] debut of future cult hero Gaetano Berardi, whose first match for the Whites was curtailed a minute from time following a waist-high two-footer on Accrington’s Will Hatfield … clearly part of his initiation was to get the bath running for the rest of the lads.” Chris Brock has another contender. “Is it too late to mention Jonathan Woodgate and Real Madrid?” It’s never too late, Chris, although, to be fair to Dave, he did mention Woodgate’s nightmare start in Spain a while back.

Colin Sowerby writes in via email in defence of Jesse Marsch ahead of Leeds’s visit to Aston Villa this evening. “If Leeds win tonight, then can everyone stop getting on Jesse Marsch’s case?” he asks. “Leeds are doing just fine considering the resources they’ve got.” Incidentally, John Brewin is in charge of our minute-by-minute coverage later on.

Over in the WSL, Arsenal have announced the signing of a new goalkeeper in Sabrina D’Angelo. “It’s an honour to be here and I’m so excited to get started with the team,” said the Canada international. “This is an incredibly exciting time for Arsenal Women and I want to help the team to win trophies and achieve success for our wonderful supporters.”

With Chelsea still reeling from defeat to Fulham, Graham Potter has issued a rallying cry (of sorts) to his players ahead of Crystal Palace’s visit to Stamford Bridge on Sunday. “We have to recover from the disappointment of the game [against Fulham],” he said. “We have to assess all the players in terms of recovery and injury that we have. Then we have to be positive, move forward and take a home game on – another London derby against a dangerous group of players – prepare ourselves and be the better team.”

As Dave trudges off to the dressing rooms, still protesting, opposition fans ironically waving him off, it’s time to read Jonathan Liew’s latest on Martin Ødegaard. He’s got an eye for a pass, the lad. Ødegaard, that is. Not Jonathan Liew.

Right, time to hand the blog to Will Magee. This is a tactical switch, I haven’t been sent off.

More red card on debut entries being added to the wall of shame. A full-back double here. Can’t be far away from a full starting XI. Struggling for a goalkeeper maybe.

Dave Adams: “Former Arsenal and Pompey right back Jason Crowe was sent off on his Arsenal debut a whole 33 seconds after coming on as a sub.”

Rob Worsley: “Joey Jones sent off at Carlisle in 1982 whilst making his Chelsea debut.”

Graham Potter believes Joao Felix’s red card and subsequent three-match suspension is a “big blow” for Chelsea as they look to revive their disappointing Premier League campaign. The Blues have won just one of their last nine league games following a 2-1 defeat at Fulham on Thursday night and also have injury issues.

Felix, 23, was fast-tracked into the side after signing on loan from Atletico Madrid on Wednesday and had looked to make an instant impact before his debut was cut short in the 58th minute. Felix was sent off for a rash lunging tackle, despite impressing earlier in the match, and will face three matches on the sidelines.

On the suspension, Potter said: “Of course, [we are] disappointed because he came here to play, he’s on loan to play. You saw his quality when he was on the pitch tonight, and then to lose him for the three games is a big blow for us but there’s nothing we can do about it now, we have to just deal with it.”

Denis Zakaria had just been forced off injured with a suspected quadricep injury before Felix saw red, taking the total list of Chelsea players unavailable to 11. Reece James, Raheem Sterling, N’Golo Kante, Wesley Fofana, Ben Chilwell, Armando Broja, Reuben Loftus-Cheek, Christian Pulisic, Edouard Mendy and Zakaria are all out of the Blues’ upcoming Premier League clash with Crystal Palace on Sunday.

Potter insisted the club are working to mitigate the injury crisis, but admitted it is hard to find a solution. “Absolutely, we’re looking all the time and we’re going over how they’re happening and trying to evaluate the whole thing. Sometimes it’s difficult when you come in halfway through the season, to know how they’ve happened, but I can sense it’s a bit of bad luck and knowing how we can go forward and how we can improve.

“The nature of them [the injuries], it’s like there’s not even a pattern, it’s different problems, so it’s tricky. It’s not like we’ve been over training or anything like that, we just need to get to the bottom of it.” Chelsea have not lost at home to Crystal Palace since August 2015.

(PA Media)

Another excellent Steven Pye column to peruse as you consume a lunchtime sandwich/wrap. This one is on the north London derby.

Ouch. Shakira has had a right pop at ex-Barcelona defender/ex-husband Gerard Piqué. Sam Jones in Madrid fills you in.

Back to red cards and Robert Melville mails in to say: “You can’t beat Nigel Pepper at Aberdeen!! We paid £300k for him in the 1990s..! Dreadful business.”

Robert sends a link to this snippet: “Footballer Nigel Pepper was sent off six minutes into his debut for Aberdeen. Then in his first game back after suspension, he was sent off after 17 seconds. Local band ‘Depeche Choad’ wrote a similarly short song in tribute.”

And here it is:

There’s a nice adendum to the Pepper story as shown in a caption on the video. “After hanging up his boots Nigel Pepper worked as a social worker for the City of York Council, helping to rehabilitate young offenders.”

It may not quite be ‘Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious’ but surely one of the Scottish newspapers reported on his on-pitch misdemeanors and went with ‘Red Hot Silly Pepper’.

Jürgen Klopp has given an injury update on some of his Liverpool players ahead of the trip to Brighton on Saturday. Striker Darwin Nunez missed training yesterday so does he play?

“If he cannot train today [Friday] then, yes, that would rule him out,” Klopp told his pre-match press conference on Friday morning. “We are waiting for the latest information; it is not a major one, but it still kept him out of training. We have to wait for that.”

Klopp also gave updates on James Milner, Stefan Bajcetic and Roberto Firmino. “Millie, yesterday, did big parts of training and will be back in normal training today. Bobby not. Stefan will be back in training today. He was out, he got a knock on the hip bone, which is quite uncomfortable, but he will back as well and that’s it pretty much.”

Firmino has been missing since the domestic season resumed following the World Cup break. Klopp added: “In the first moment, it was like a little injury where the estimate [was] 10 days, two weeks. He did the normal rehab stuff, all the experts told us what we can do - and then Bobby felt again something and that kept him out then for longer. I don’t know exactly when he will be back, but he’s not close to team training, no.”

Geoff Wignall, via email, says we’ve missed this open goal. “Hello Dave, I’m a bit astonished that the discussion of debut red cards has yet to include Lionel Messi’s first appearance for Argentina, which lasted all of 40 seconds before he walked for a flying elbow into the neck of his shirt puller.”

Yes! Vilmos Vanczak was the other party in that 2005 match between Argentina and Hungary. Messi’s explanation: “He came through me and had hold of me and I wanted to break free, but the referee interpreted it as though I had tried to shove him away. It [debut] was not like I had dreamed it would be.” Harsh? Still, things turned out okay.

Jon Collins mails in with another debut red card. “Wasn’t Tomas Repka sent off during his debut for West Ham, and then again in his third game? That’s quite the start.”

Indeed he was. And then compounded the error by being jailed for fraud in 2019.

The Premier League Manager of the Month and Player of the Month awards have just been released. And congratulations to two very deserving winners: Graham Potter and Kai Havertz. Not really.

Good to see Mikel Arteta staying as professional as Alan Irwin despite having a purple thing waved near his face.

Staying with Saturday’s Manchester derby, Daniel Harris has been singing the praises of United centre-back Lisandro Martínez.

“It is rare enough to see a centre-back who teams hostility, agility, composure, intelligence and technique, but to see one do it at the age of 24, while also being fun to watch, is especially unusual.”

Not a lot was happening for Marcus Rashford at the start of the season. But since his winner against Liverpool back in August, the England forward has flourished. With seven goals in his last six games, he’s now a worthy rival for Manchester City’s Erling Haaland in this tale-of-the-tape match-up from PA Media.

Form

Rashford’s current form mirrors that of a United side rejuvenated under Erik ten Hag. United have chalked up eight successive wins and Rashford has built on his World Cup form for England, scoring in every game since his return from Qatar.

Haaland hit the ground running after his World Cup break as Norway were not in the tournament, notching four goals in his first three games back. But Haaland has not scored in two games – the first time he has failed to do so during his time at City.

Goals

Add Rashford’s three goals for England at the World Cup – when he scored every 45.66 minutes – and he has hit the net 18 times this season. Seven of those from United’s top scorer have come in the Premier League.

Haaland tops the Premier League goal charts with 21 in 16 league appearances, with a scoring record of 62 minutes per goal. The 22-year-old has scored 27 goals in 22 appearances overall since his summer arrival from Borussia Dortmund.

Derby record

Manchester-born Rashford scored the winner on his derby debut when United won 1-0 at the Etihad Stadium in March 2016. The 25-year-old has played against City 16 times in his career and scored four goals. Rashford has gone six Manchester derbies without scoring, his last goal coming in a League Cup defeat at Old Trafford three years ago.

Haaland scored a hat-trick on his one and only derby appearance, as City beat United 6-3 at home in October.

Footballers have told their union there can be “no excuses” for any repeat of the pitch invasions which marred the end of last season and put their safety at risk.

(Via PA Media)

Players were warned by the UK’s football police chief on Thursday they cannot have “carte blanche” to assault pitch invaders, and while the Professional Footballers’ Association accepts that is correct, it says its members feel like they have been left to be responsible for their own safety and security on the pitch. Sheffield United striker Oli McBurnie was cleared last month of stamping on a pitch-invading fan after his side’s Championship play-off semi-final against Nottingham Forest, with the English Football League stating after the court case he “should never have been put in this position”.

The PFA said in a statement: “Nobody has suggested that players shouldn’t be subject to the same rules as everybody else. Given the events at the end of last season, though, when there were multiple incidents where players and staff were subjected to violence and harassment on the pitch, it would be wise for the focus to remain on making sure that players aren’t put in these situations in the first place.

“Our members have told us they feel isolated and vulnerable when surrounded by thousands of fans on the pitch and are, essentially, left to look after their own safety and security. That’s just not good enough, and it shouldn’t be happening. We’ve always been clear that the measures introduced at the end of last season are welcome, but success will be judged by how the authorities manage similar incidents going forward.

“There is a lot of work still to be done. It requires detailed planning and, crucially, investment is going to be needed. Players have been very clear to us that there can’t be any excuses for repeats of what happened at the end of last season.”

Clubs and leagues say fans found to have entered the pitch will face bans, while the police and the Crown Prosecution Service say they will investigate and charge in the most serious cases.

Chief Constable Mark Roberts, the UK football policing lead, told the PA news agency on Thursday: “We would all agree that players should not be put in the position of being confronted by spectators on the pitch, absolutely, but equally, it can’t be that players – and I’m not referencing (the McBurnie) case, I’m making a general point – it can’t be that someone runs on the pitch and there is carte blanche for players to assault them. Fans shouldn’t go on the pitch, players shouldn’t go in the stands, that makes it all really simple. When that gets blurred then it makes it a bit more difficult to unpick.”

PA understands the EFL intends to raise the McBurnie case at its next meeting with the authorities, having called for a police review after his acquittal.

Chief Constable Roberts added: “There has got to be a degree of responsibility on the part of fans to do their bit and recognise that the pitch is off limits, it’s a workplace for the players. We do need to take a hard line and where people are going on the pitch to threaten, provoke, abuse, then that’s a criminal matter and needs to be dealt with that way.

“When someone runs on, you don’t know whether they’re going to ask for a shirt, pat someone on the back, punch someone, threaten them, spit at them, run up and antagonise the opposing supporters. By the time you know what they’re doing, it’s too late and there’s generally a reaction from someone. We’ve got to get to the stage where it’s just understood and respected that we don’t have fences, we don’t have moats (and) the quid pro quo is you don’t go on the pitch. We need all supporters to get behind and endorse that message.”

Emailer Colin Mackay is certainly doing the heavy lifting on this red cards feature. He’s back with another. “And, of course, Graeme Souness on his Rangers debut.”

From wikipedia: Souness’ playing career at Ibrox began inauspiciously. His competitive debut – in the opening match of the 1986–87 season, against Hibernian in his hometown of Edinburgh – saw him sent off after two yellow cards in the first 34 minutes.

And, going back into the archives, a 2005 edition of The Knowledge gives Souness a mention and adds a new twist: fastest debut sending-offs.

On Twitter, JWB adds some details on Joe Cole’s debut red card. “Laurent Koscielny was sent off in the last minute of the same game that saw Joe Cole head for an early bath. Koscielny received two yellow cards in as many stoppage time minutes. Ironically, it was Koscielny himself on the receiving end of Cole’s red card worthy challenge in the last minute of first-half stoppage time.”

They were heady times for Liverpool. Roy Hodgson in charge and David Ngog leading the attack. To be fair, the Frenchman put the Reds in front before the game ended 1-1.

Another entry for ‘debuts that went bad’ from Colin Mackay on email. “Gervinho was memorably sent off on his debut after an altercation with all-round nice guy Joey Barton.” Ah, yes, forgot about this one.

Aston Villa boss Unai Emery wants a big response from his players against Leeds tonight following last weekend’s humiliating FA Cup exit to League Two Stevenage. Villa go into the game 11th in the table and victory would pull them level with Chelsea on 25 points.

Emery: “Yes, they [the fans] were angry, but the players were angry as well. We have to be together, we have to use this match to try and show different moves. We have the opportunity to show everybody we can change after our defeat. But it’s not only speaking about it, it’s working, taking responsibility, showing energy, being positive.

“When you’re making mistakes, you can become a little bit upset. That can transmit negative energy. I want to change it at the start. We have to stay calm and keep focused. In a bad moment, we have to stick to a game plan and use it with good energy.”

Harry Kane is the highest scoring player in north London derby history with 14 goals. And only once in eight Premier League home games against Arsenal has he failed to score. Ahead of Spurs’ clash with the Gunners on Sunday, Max Rushden suggests we should all stop what we’re doing and have a good think about just how good Harry Kane is.

It’s not all about the Premier League this weekend. A bumper sell-out crowd of 29,000 will be there to see Ipswich host Plymouth on Saturday. Nick Ames sets the scene for the League One showdown.

Debuts that went bad. If the BBC don’t do it, Sky will. Adding to Jonathan Woodgate’s calamitous first start for Real Madrid and Joe Cole’s red card on his Premier League debut for Liverpool is João Félix’s sending off on his Chelsea bow last night. Jonathan. Joe. João. It’s ‘The Curse Of The J’. Or something. One for The Knowledge probably. Can anyone think of others who saw red on debut? Extra marks if they were called Juan, Jim or Jeffrey.

If you were out last night or perhaps watching the snooker, I’ll rustle my newspaper, take a slurp of tea and inform you that “Chelsea lost again”. Jacob Steinburg was at Craven Cottage to see Graham Potter pulling all sorts of strange faces.

Want analysis on all 10 weekend Premier League fixtures? It’s here. Those in the spotlight include Marcus Rashford, Son Heung-min, Philippe Coutinho and Frank Lampard.

Let’s roll out of the station with some good old football transfer rumours. “Today’s fluff is extremely weary” is an enticement you surely can’t ignore.