THE ROUND OF … AH
Football is the greatest thing in the world. Regular readers will be surprised to learn the Daily thinks that, but it has a confession to make nevertheless: its exhibition sniping and miserableness are nothing more than an attention-seek, a teenage boy being mean to a girl he fancies with predictable results.
There are those first enthralled by the game itself, its balletic rhythms, er0tic physicality and affirming chaos offering artistic inspiration, sensory reverie and intellectual mastication. Others were first attracted by its anarcho-communist credenda, families, friends and comrades constellating to celebrate the simple fact of their existence; the unknowable complexity of their and all existence. And yet others were ravished by the frisson of possibility; the distant yet galvanic sense that the draw for its premier club competition might, one day, be too complicated to be performed by mere humans in order to satisfy the geopolitical gambits of feudal finks and financial fancies of billionaire boors.
Amazingly, we are almost there, next season’s 36-team Big Cup perming the best in prejudicial competition with an obfuscatory system for the ages, the result a reaffirming meld of resounding integrity. However, being too complex for the simple to grasp, the Daily has no choice but to stop there to consider this season’s more easily intelligible abomination – most particularly the romantic tale that is Arsenal finally progressing beyond the Round of Arsenal by shading the third-best team in Portugal thanks to the heroics of Brentford’s goalie.
The highlight, of course, was the edifying dispute between Mikel Arteta and Sérgio Conceição. The former is renowned for his time as Arsenal captain, reportedly using players’ fines to buy a watch for millionaire chief suit, Ivan Gazidis. But he is also famous for being Arsenal manager, patrolling the touchline in intimidating trousers like all the hardest tweens, free to incite conflict he is arguably ill-equipped to resolve. As such, Arteta stands accused of cussing down Conceição and his family. Quite what was said remains unknown. But Conceição was sufficiently moved to initiate a lío of grown men proportions, the two exchanging empty threats and naughty words to the amusement of all and shame of none. Truly, football is the greatest thing in the world.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Simon Burnton from 8pm GMT for hot Big Cup minute-by-minute coverage of Borussia Dortmund 2-1 PSV (agg: 3-2), while Daniel Harris will be on deck for Atlético Madrid 1-1 Inter (agg: 1-2).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We simply didn’t want to concede in the second half. We managed that and then to get a lucky punch, through a throw-in, a free-kick, or from the halfway line. That we managed to do it is just crazy” – yes, Saarbrücken are at it again, Rüdiger Ziehl’s third-tier team dumping Gladbach out of the German Cup with an added-time winner from Kai Brünker to reach the semi-finals for the second time in four years. “I’m mega-happy,” added Brünker, as well he might be.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
So, a computer is to be used for Big Cup draws after Uefa found ‘it would take up to four hours [to do] without digital assistance’. Isn’t that quicker than the whole shebang can take at present?” – Dr Peter Storch.
I’m not sure I’ve witnessed a more pointless spat than the media confection produced after Trent Alexander-Arnold claimed the trophies Liverpool won meant more ‘to us and our fanbase because of the situations at both clubs financially’. To put it in terms relevant to the readership of the Football Daily, we all know that someone with their last Tin will savour it far more than someone with a fridge full of Tin” – Colin Reed.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Colin Reed.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
The latest Football Weekly podcast is right here, right now on all things Big Cup, Belgrade derby and fridge auditing.
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