And that’s the end of day one. No slow-burner this, spicy from the first: five wickets in the first session, three in the second, five in the third. A pitch with (inevitable) bite, six wickets for the irrepressible Sajid Khan, a fabulous 89 from Jamie Smith, and England on the warpath with the ball. Thanks for your company today, limericks, mangoes and all. We’ll be back tomorrow from 5.30am BST. Have a lovely day.

It is top-scorer Jamie Smith – who is as calm and impressive talking about the game as he is on the field.

“It was a good day in the end. We didn’t quite know what the wicket would do, at what point the wicket would spin – so any first innings runs would be vital. I can only see the ball getting lower.

“We got off to a great start, seeing what worked well, this week felt easier to go down the ground and tougher to sweep – Ben Duckett was giving that kind of feedback.

[on changing gear]”We felt like they were getting a little bit tired and it was how we could get a new bowler on, Gus changed gear before me, which was really helpful.

“When you don’t have a massive first ininings score, any lead you can get will count as double, especially with the low bounce. I’m pleased to put in that kind of performance and allow us to push on to a pretty decent score. The six hitting competition was a good reset – I was favourite for some reason but Rehan smoked everyone.”

Another drinks limerick break:

“I’m with Nick and James there,” nods Jeremy Boyce. “AI is crap at what it does, and is an existential threat to writing, and to cricket. How will we water the pitches when it has all gone to writing AI limericks ? Where will cricket be then, eh ?”

Adrian Armstrong: “Perplexity is a brilliant tool - much better than ChatGPT for mine. But it needs to get more practice in with limericks (14th over). The beats don’t always fall where they should - a better final line would be ‘And make the stumps fly far and near’. And I’m not convinced by ‘wrist’/‘hiss’ as a rhyme. It’s a great first draft, but also an object lesson in what I tell my students: anything that’s AI-generated needs to be reviewed by humans who know their stuff.”

And on the captains and the pitch: “The difference between the captains is that Shan doesn’t quite trust his third spinner or his other bowlers, whereas Ben Stokes trusts his line up. In a Test match you shouldn’t get the ball that Duckett did on the first day, but the way Smith and Atkinson played after tea put the pitch into perspective.”

Nasser is in thoughtful mood: “What has done for most batters today is the lack of bounce. I don’t think it was a 120-6 pitch – I don’t think England adapted enough from things spinning big at Multan in the second Test to the low bounce here where you have to play with a straight bat – which Smith and Atkinson did so well.”

A brief return to limericks while we wait for the interviews …“Poor effort on the Ben Stokes version from our robot overlords” sniffs Kim Reynolds, “a Limerick poem should follow AABBA structure. AAAAA is like a test bowling attack with no seamer….!”

22nd over: Pakistan 72-3 (Shan 15, Saud 16) Bashir sends down a full toss, which Saud milks for three. One over until stupms.

AI hate incoming:

First Nick Wiltshire. “I hate AI and its increasing encroachment on creative life, so I’m relieved to see that the limerick provided by Kim Thonger’s pal is crap. The second line is grammatically tortuous and the last line only scans with the help of some horribly contrived pronunciation. Maybe those of us who write for a living can rest easy for a little longer.”

and James Walsh

“Not only is it trained on material stolen from artists and writers, AI has a ballooning carbon footprint and uses water like there’s no tomorrow. Write your own limericks.

“Also, I love Ben Stokes so much. He seems in better spirits after apologising to the team for being grumpy last time. But will he bowl???”

Perhaps no need James?

21st over: Pakistan 68-3 (Shan 14, Saud 13) Time for some Joe Root, as Pakistan dab away and the deficit falls below 200.

20th over: Pakistan 65-3 (Shan 13, Saud 11) The sun is beaming down on a swathe of yellow seats so they shine like a sherriff’s badge out of the crowd. Four singles from Bashir’s over.

19th over: Pakistan 61-3 (Shan 10, Saud 9) We’ve reached the limerick part of the day. Over to you, Simon Pitfield:

“The AI employed by Kim Thonger

Writes Limericks whose lines should be longer.

They’re a beat or two short

Of what’s commonly thought

To be right. (Though they could be much wronger!)“

Very AA Milne! And Sir Richard:

”There was a young slogger called Stokes

Who captained the England team’s folks

There was Christopher Woakes

And Benjamin Foakes

And some other unrhymable blokes”

18th over: Pakistan 60-3 (Shan 10, Saud 9) A delicate ramp from Saud off Bashir, picks up four. Bashir, collar up, throws himself in clunky slow motion to his right to field off his own bowling.

17th over: Pakistan 56-3 (Shan 10, Saud 6) The floodlights on, Wonderwall on the PA. Still a good crowd with just a few overs left.

16th over: Pakistan 53-3 (Shan 9, Saud 6) Bashir replaces Atkinson after his one wicket-taking over. More balls keep low – the patio heater effect?

Ewan Glenton delves into history: “So, with three spinners and Stokes’ fitness still a nagging doubt, England have gone into a test match with only one bowler who can be relied upon to consistently provide high-quality seam throughout. Would anyone do that anywhere other than in Asia? Well, I remember that from the mid-70s to the mid-80s, that was precisely New Zealand’s policy in every single match, everywhere they ever played, for at least a decade.”

15th over: Pakistan 49-3 (Shan 8, Saud 1) Leach with his seventh over. Sends one gaily wide of leg stump which flies off the keeper to slip. The ump’s finger is up in the air almost before the ball falls to hand. An astonished Saud reviews immediately – and to no-one great surprise, there was no bat in the vicinity.

14th over: Pakistan 46-3 (Shan 6, Saud 0) Atkinson’s return brings immediate results as the sun drops in the still blue sky. The danger man gone, and England lick their lips

“I spend much of my day being astonished at what my AI assistant Perplexity can do for me.” says Kim Thonger.

“I asked it(?) to make a cricket related limerick. All I provided was the first line and AI did the rest, instantly.

“There once was a spinner called Bashir,

Whose googly brought batsmen to fear.

With a twist of his wrist,

He’d make the ball hiss,

And send stumps flying far and near!”

13th over: Pakistan 43-2 (Shan 6, Kamran 0) Not Saim’s greatest moment, I think he must have been mentally still in his drinks break – pushes forward with deeply bent knee and Root jumps neatly to collect. So much dust now from the pitch, Pakistan need to hold this innings together for the next half hour or they are going to find themselves in deep trouble at the end of day one.

Peter Salmon is in mischieveous mood. “If we are going to start quoting Schopenhauer, then surely we need what he said about Shane Warne, “Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see.”

He also said that “The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience” but that has no relevance in this context.

12th over: Pakistan 43-1 (Saim 19, Shan 6)Bashir causing trouble. Shan goes for a big whoop, but only toe-ends the ball recklessly, then beaten by a ragging ball as he dribbles down the pitch. They take DRINKS with 40 mins to go till stumps.

Love a humms bagel too (though never for breakfast).

11th over: Pakistan 42-1 (Saim 18, Shan 6) On comms they note that Leach is bowling faster than Pakistan were with their fortysomething drifters.

Good morning Colum Fordham. “Nothing like a prime demonstration of high quality spin bowling, first from Pakistan’s trio of tweakers and now from England’s spin twins Leach and Bashir, to warm the cockles of the heart. Warmed even further by a delightful inside-out lofted cover drive by Abdullah. Great contest.”

10th over: Pakistan 40-1 (Saim 17, Shan 5) Abdullah reverse-sweeps unconvincingly and falls the next ball – hesitation his downfall against a fizzing ball. England celebrate with some releif. Shan milks five from his first three balls.

9th over: Pakistan 33-0 (Abdullah 12, Saim 17) A beautiful shot to start the over as Abdullah, with dancers’ feet, lofts Leach inside out and sends the ball arcing for four. Long thin shadows from batsman and fielders stretch and bend.

8th over: Pakistan 27-0 (Abdullah 7, Saim 16) Three from Bashir, careful batting from Abdullah and Saim – nothing too fancy.

7th over: Pakistan 24-0 (Abdullah 6, Saim 14) The umpire raises his finger boldly to a quarter-hearted appeal from England. Saim reviews straight away. The ball spins hugely but there’s a gap between bat and pad, before the ball billows to short leg. Leach continues, extracting some considerable turn.

6th over: Pakistan 23-0 (Abdullah 6, Saim 13) Shoaib Bashir replaces Atkinson, all long limbs and spinning fingers. A nice, neat start.

5th over: Pakistan 20-0 (Abdullah 5, Saim 11) Cat and mouse.

4th over: Pakistan 16-0 (Abdullah 2, Saim 10) Four leg byes as the ball flies off the leg guard brings up the highest opening partnership between Abdullah and Saim.

“It seems like an extended highlight from leg two of Multan,” says Zain Malik. “If heaters, fans and tents were to recreate the wicket from match two, they have been rather successful.

“It might defy science, common sense, and any semblance of reason, but it’s quintessentially Pakistani: ingenuity fueled by audacity, desperation with imagination, genius cloaked in simplicity. Whether it’s genius or madness, we’ll soon find out.

As Schopenhauer said, “No rose without a thorn, but many a thorn without a rose.” Pakistan may just be that thorn, thriving in chaos, defying conventional wisdom with a fearless, often reckless, approach. Whether it’s crafting wickets to your advantage or shuffling the deck mid-series, Pakistan’s cricket, like the thorn, may not always bloom into triumphs, but its potential to disrupt is undeniable. Always ready to prick those who underestimate them. With the series on the line, the batting line up has a chance to send a message to send to England “We play spin better than you” although 267 looks a good first innings total.”

Intriguing, isn’t it?

3rd over: Pakistan 12-0 (Abdullah 2, Saim 5) Saim swats Leach down the ground for four, and Stokes at slips applauds. The crowd is building as people inish work for the day.

2nd over: Pakistan 7-0 (Abdullah 2, Saim 5) Atkinson with the first over of fast bowling of the day. In fact, Andy Zaltzman reports that today is the first time that the opening innings of a Test has ever been bowled by spin. No-one wants a grubber from Atkinson.

Hello Phil Withall. “Way back in the day (20th over), I suggested that I may well be a jinx, causing wickets to fall simply by checking the OBO. It seems I have stronger powers. My dogs must have an evening walk, what with both of them being of a robust stature..., this led to the dismissal of Smith. This may well be the last time I write in, the weight of failure bears heavily on my shoulders. I apologise to all...”

What can you do when your dogs need an evening consitituional?

The light roller is going up and down.

The end of a fascinating innings – England rolled out for 267 – my hunch would say that was a good score but my hunch has been wrong before….only Duckett was done by a complete grubber, everyone else probably helped the bowlers on their way. Fabulous innings by Smith – notwithstanding his exit.

68th over: England 267-9 (Leach 16, Bashir 1 ) A good crowd in at Rawalpindi as Noman attempts to mop up the innings quickly. Bashir does very well to keep out a couple of balls that barely bounce above the shoelaces. Exocets at 44mph.

66th over: England 262-9 (Leach 13, Bashir 1 ) Smart comeback by Sajid after Rehan had smacked him over the top for four first ball.

66th over: England 254-8 (Rehan 5, Leach 10 ) Noman, the chartered surveyor to Sajid’s sergeant major, varies his pace nicely.

64th over: England 248-8 (Rehan 4, Leach 5) Sajid reels his arm over, Rehan goes to sweep – Rizwan and Sajid implore Masood to review. He does so, but with a smile of an uncle indulging his nephews. A huge inside edge is revealed. But it doesn’t put off Sajid who continues to bowl with bristle.

A breathless start to this Test – fiendishly difficult to judge how good a score England have – though on TMS Steven Finn guessed that anything over 250 would be on point. Smith, together with Atkinson, rescued England from this morning’s doldrums. Time for a quick coffee, back in five.

62nd over: England 242-7 (Smith 91, Rehan 1 ) Just two from Noman’s over as everyone takes a breather.

Hello Zain Malik! “Even England’s number nine, Rehan Ahmed, boasts a century for Leicestershire and performed admirably in the “six-hitting” competition. The emphasis England places on cultivating genuine batsmen throughout the lineup is key to building modern attacking sides. Atkinson’s performance is a testament to that. Carse can bat, Atkinson can bat, Rehan can bat, gone are the days of easy-to-dismiss tailenders.”

60th over: England 240-7 (Smith 90, Rehan 0 )A full toss from Zahid to start the over not what Shan Masood ordered: Smith flays it for six. Does the same to the third (better) ball – one/two kiss. Flaps dangerously at the fourth, but is safe and then an astonishing bit of fielding on the rope by Sajid who makes an excellent attempt to catch a lofted drive, finds himself going over the rope, contorts himself into various positions and ends up saving five runs.

60th over: England 225-7 (Smith 74, Rehan 0 ) Noman is back, with his dancing approach and in his short shirt. A neat catch to send Atkinson home after an imposing partnership. Enter Rehan Ahmed -w inner of the team six hitting competition yesterday.

59th over: England 224-6 (Smith 74, Atkinson 39) Two huge sixes smoked off a furious Sajid by Smith in the over: the hundred partnership! And it has completely changed where the power lies in this game.

58th over: England 211-6 (Smith 61, Atkinson 39) The attack continues, Atkinson flaying Zahid down the ground.

57th over: England 207-6 (Smith 61, Atkinson 35) I don’t know who pressed the accelerator – on the field, or in the dressing room – but Smith pushes down in his big driving shoes. Sajid is slog-swept for four, and then should have been caught on the boundary as he drives uppishly but low and the ball bursts through Shakeel’s hands just in front of the rope.

56th over: England 195-6 (Smith 50, Atkinson 34) Within the space of one over, three members of the household decide to walk in front of the television to collect things - so I can only tell you that Atkinson struck three fours – the last of them down the ground -but not much more. Zahid looks crestfallen.

54th over: England 181-6 (Smith 48, Atkinson 22) Some slow mo footage of dust flying from the pitch as Zahid jogs in, hirsute of chin and delicate of arm. Dare I say England look relatively untroubled at the moment?

53rd over: England 179-6 (Smith 47, Atkinson 21) The accumulation continues, as Sajid widens his eyes and glares at Smith with a theatrical flourish.

52nd over: England 177-6 (Smith 46, Atkinson 20) England plough a couple.

51st over: England 175-6 (Smith 45, Atkinson 19) Sajid, head shaved and shiny. The second fifty partnership of the match comes up as Smith nudges a couple off the pads; he celebrates later in the over, opening up like a front door and flaying six just over the top of the fielder on the deep midwicket boundary.

50th over: England 167-6 (Smith 37, Atkinson 19) Careful accumulation the name of the game here for England, though some sharp fielding at cover stops a gumptious drive by Smith. Zahid is back, another switch of ends.

49th over: England 165-6 (Smith 36, Atkinson 18) The outfield is a pale light green, like a glimpse of the lawn just before dawn. Changes, changes, as Salman Agha gets his first over of the day. Smith takes a big step forward to his final ball, misses and it hits the pad before ballooning to slip.

48th over: England 162-6 (Smith 35, Atkinson 16) Thanks Jim – you’ve been busy! It would have been a disappointment if the dramatic preamble of the giant driers had resulted in a staid day’s cricket though. Smith and Atkinson survive as Sajid switches ends for his (checks notes) 22nd over.

47th over: England 158-6 (Smith 31, Atkinson 16) A maiden from Zahid sees us to drinks and the end of my shift. Tanya Aldred is here to take you through the rest of the day and will handle all enquiries about the action in Rawalpindi, mangoes, rakes and the merits or otherwise of leaf blowers with customary aplomb. Over to you Tanya!

46th over: England 158-6 (Smith 31, Atkinson 16) An Atkinson single keeps England ticking in the afternoon session.

“I can happily get involved in Mango Chat” says Robert Corcoran with juice dripping off his chin. “I was living in Delhi a few years ago and one of the things I miss the most is Mango Season. A great few weeks of being able to head out to one of the street vendors and pick up a few mangoes for a pittance. I’ll add dasheri to the varieties that have already been mentioned.”

45th over: England 157-6 (Smith 31, Atkinson 15) Gus Atkinson looking a bit out of his depth against the leg spin of Zahid Mahmood, an inside edge narrowly misses the stumps and trickles away for a couple. Nevertheless, this partnership is ekeing England onwards.

44th over: England 154-6 (Smith 31, Atkinson 12) Atkinson and Smith rotate the strike off Noman Ali. I miss Sajid Khan. Bereft.

43rd over: England 152-6 (Smith 30, Atkinson 11) Zahid Mahmood is clubbed for 36 off his over! Just kidding, he’s worked for two singles. Noman Ali is set to continue though, he laughs in the face of bowling changes.

“We bowled all day and all night with one of Guy Hornsby’s mangoes… and we were glad of it”

42nd over: England 150-6 (Smith 29, Atkinson 10) Noman Ali sends down two beautiful balls to Gus Atkinson, pitching on middle and turning past the off stump, beating the defensive prod in the process. Too good for thee, Gus lad. Three singles worked off the over and England’s 15o is up. OMGEEEEE we are about to have a bowling change. It’s been 89 overs until we last saw Pakistan call on another man that isn’t Noman Ali or Sajid Khan. Here comes the very much lesser spotted… Zahid Mahmood!

41st over: England 147-6 (Smith 28, Atkinson 8) Shot! Smith gets on the front foot and threads through cover for four. He’s had a quiet tour so far but could yet make a telling contribution in the series with a few more added here.

40th over: England 141-6 (Smith 22, Atkinson 8) Noman Ali continues and is worked around for a couple of singles. England digging in and prospering to some degree after Stokes fell immediately post lunch.

39th over: England 139-6 (Smith 21, Atkinson 7) Jamie Smith opens the shoulders! A heave through midwicket brings four before a more sweetly struck effort off the next ball sails away over the sponge in the same area for SIX! Vital runs. Two more to Smith clipped off the last ball of the over make it twelve runs off the over. Are this pair going to force a change of bowling form Shan Masood?

38th over: England 127-6 (Smith 9, Atkinson 7) Gus Atkinson’s eyes light up as offers up a short and wide delivery, Atkinson waits for it well and slaps through cover for a welcome boundary ‘mongst the maidens.

Guy Hornbsy is offering up something different – monkey tennis Mango chat.

“Morning James, morning everyone. I won’t add much to the pitch chat, because we all knew it’ll turn. But you’d think 200 will be a defendable total here.

On TMS there’s some much-need mango chat to break up the talk of a two-man spin attack and shooters. Aggers was surprised there are different types (there are over 250 in Pakistan alone!) He’s clearly not been availed of the beauty of Kesar mangoes: soft, creamy and sweet. Or Alphonso, the connoisseur’s choice. My British-Indian wife opened my eyes to the delights of Mango Season. Now I can’t wait for it to come around already, late spring in the UK. Glorious mangoes.”

37th over: England 121-6 (Smith 8, Atkinson 2) Another over, another maiden. This just made me chuckle:

36th over: England 121-6 (Smith 8, Atkinson 2) Another maiden from Noman Ali as the pressure starts to hiss in Rawalpindi.

Sclyd Berry has chalked up 500 Test matches!

35th over: England 121-6 (Smith 8, Atkinson 2) Just a Gus Atkinson single off Sajid Khan. Here’s the Stokes wicket:

34th over: England 120-6 (Smith 8, Atkinson 1) Lovely bowling from Noman Ali, testing and tempting Smith who refuses to be drawn. If England can somehow get up to 200 then that could be a decent effort, their spinners will have to bowl as well as Noman and Sajid have but all is not lost for the visitors just yet.

33rd over: England 120-6 (Smith 8, Atkinson 1) Gus Atkinson joins his Surrey teammate out in the middle. He pays out three dots before getting off the mark with a nice looking but somewhat perilous back foot drive. Smith rides the turn to flick a single into the leg side.

32nd over: England 118-5 (Stokes 12, Smith 7) Noman Ali from t’other end. Of course. Stokes gets out the reverse-sweep and it brings him four.

31st over: England 112-5 (Stokes 7, Smith 5) Stokes leans on a full ball and a thick edge squirts past the slips and brings him a single. Jamie Smith uses his feet to get down the track and drive for one more.

“Morning James,

I know some clever readers of the game like the idea that host teams can prepare pitches to favour them, but the depths of gardening done by Pakistan this series would outshine Alan Titchmarsh. If the pearoller that tickled Duckett’s toenails were any lower, it would’ve emerged around the Galápagos Islands.

Surely a good game is a fair game? Although I s’pose, in a masochistic way, Pakistan will reap what they’ve sown. I just hope this decider lasts ‘til tea!”

Plenty of pitch chat in the mailbox and on line. I’m going to keep my powder dry until both teams have batted on it but I will say that only Ben Duckett’s wicket was purely down to the pitch, the rest had some element of batter responsibility, especially Crawley and Brook’s dismissals. Pope too for that matter, sweeping and missing a dead straight ball.

This one will rage scuttle on though…

The players head out for the afternoon session. Sajid Khan is going to start things off.

Learn after Reading:

Mike Atherton and Nasser Hussain say “England need to find a way” on this wicket.

An email into the OBO mailbag ponders whether the rake is going to be the winter’s must have garden accessory. My brother - when he was a child but definitely old enough to know better - once stomped on a garden rake with the pre-emptive statement “this is what they do in cartoons”. The handle duly smashed him in the face and he sported an egg on his for’ead for the next fortnight. He’s never been near a rake since.

All this talk of rakes has sent my algorithm squiffy and this video of Cate Blanchett laying into leaf blowers keeps popping up. She has a point to be fair.

Play that!

29th over: England 107-5 (Stokes 4, Smith 4) Stokes takes a single to mid-off. Jamie Smith rocks back and heaves a shorter ball from Sajid through point for four. Welcome runs for England. We’ll have one more over before lunch. Pakistan are buzzing around, they know they’ve got England on the rack in this series decider.

28th over: England 102-5 (Stokes 3, Smith 0) Stokes is swamped by slip, leg slip and short leg. He drives for two to bring up England’s 100. Four dots from Noman are followed by a straight drive down the ground for a single. Smith is sent a tempter by Noman, tossed up outside off, the batter doesn’t take the bait.

27th over: England 98-5 (Stokes 0, Smith 0) You can’t judge a pitch until both sides have batted on it… but we could be in for a two days Test match here. There is spin but the main threat is the real lack of bounce, it’s so low that sooner or later there will be a ball with your name on. How many can England muster with their last five? Jamie Smith joins his captain out in the middle.

26th over: England 98-4 (Brook 5, Stokes 0) The game moves on rapidly in this first morning session. We’ve still got ten minutes to go until lunch. Ben Stokes survives his first ball.

25th over: England 96-3 (Duckett 51, Brook 4) Duckett clips for two to bring up his fifty off 76 balls. Pedestrian by his standards.

Mark Coward wants a turn or he’s taking his ball home…

“Noman Ali and Sajid Khan have now bowled in tandem unchanged for 71.5 overs (and counting) across 3 separate innings in 2 Test matches, taking 17 wickets for 289 runs. Is this a Test record? Is anyone else going to get a chance to bowl?”

23rd over: England 91-3 (Duckett 48, Brook 2) Brook thick edges wide of slip to get off the mark. Duckett hands back the strike with a punch to mid on. He’s playing a lot straighter in this innings, just an observation. More as it happens.

22nd over: England 87-3 (Duckett 46, Brook 0) The bins are collected here in London. Smell the glamour! Sweeter aroma in Rawalpindi as Ben Duckett launches Sajid Khan down the ground for SIX! A lot resting on Duckett now as the set batter and England losing quick wickets. As I type that he is beaten by a ripper that spits past the outside edge. A good time not a long time springs to mind.

21st over: England 81-3 (Duckett 40, Brook 0) The ball is really skidding on low now, Harry Brook is nearly cleaned up playing back and aiming a drive into the off side, showing all his stumps in the process.

“Afternoon James, I’m conflicted. Obviously, I want to keep up to date with all the red hot OBO action, however every time I open it up England lose a wicket.

Should I abandon you and sacrifice my cricketing pleasure for the good of the game? Or do I plough on and hope it was just a two time thing...”

‘Thanks’ for staying with us Phil Withall. We know you did.

20th over: England 77-2 (Duckett 37, Root 4) Root is busy, clipping and gliding to get his account ticking. Duckett reverse sweeps for three more as both Noman Ali and Sajid Khan complete ten overs apiece unchanged.

19th over: England 71-2 (Duckett 34, Root 1) Joe Root arrives at the crease and sweeps his first ball away for a single to keep strike.

Pope never looked comfortable at the crease, a man grappling with his process and the best way to go about scoring runs in these conditions. Here’s a bloke who scored one of the all time great English Test centuries in Hyderabad earlier this year looking all at sea ten months later. You never crack Test cricket.

18th over: England 68-1 (Duckett 34, Pope 1) Eventful over! Pope edges Noman Ali short of slip, the ball dying on the turf before it could be grabbed. The Surrey man is off the mark into the covers off his next ball. Duckett then blasts the bowler back over his head for four with an uncharacteristic stroke. Close! Duckett drives in the air a la Crawley and the ball just lands short of mid off. Phew.

17th over: England 63-1 (Duckett 30, Pope 0) Sajid Khan with the first over after drinks. Duckett reverse sweeps for four and then drives back down the ground, was that a chance? Yes – a tough one, the ball skimming a few centimetres off the ground and hitting Sajid in the wrist. Has to go down as a drop. Sorry but them’s the rules.

16th over: England 57-1 (Duckett 24, Pope 0) Pope is watchful, blocking out six dots to Noman Ali with fielders close in and breathing down his neck. Time for a drink in Rawalpindi and some Toddler negotiations here in London. An absorbing first hour of play.

15th over: England 56-1 (Duckett 23, Pope) Dot follows dot follows dot. Sajid Khan stitches together a maiden to Duckett as Pakistan build some pressure.

14th over: England 56-1 (Duckett 23, Pope) Pope is due a big score, he’s averaging just a smidge over 17 in the series thus far. Crawley won’t like the look of his dismissal on the replay, tossed up by Noman and suckered into a wafty drive.

13th over: England 54-0 (Crawley 28, Duckett 23) Crawley smashes another sweep shot in the ankle of the short leg fielder who stops four and will get a big old bruise for his efforts. Oooh loose! Crawley plays a flat footed waft at the next ball and is beaten on the inside edge.

12th over: England 50-0 (Crawley 27, Duckett 20) Pakistan lose a review after going upstairs to have a look at a Duckett sweep to Noman Ali. The ball was spinning past leg stump and Shan Masood gives a rueful grimace as it is shown on the big screen. Duckett gets off strike to leave Crawley with the final ball of the over. The big man duly sweeps imperiously for four to bring up the fifty partnership.

11th over: England 43-0 (Crawley 22, Duckett 19) Mike Atherton has since claimed that, “All I know is this pitch looks a good one to bat first on…” dialling back on the suggestions that it is very flat. It is perhaps too flat… in that it isn’t bouncing higher than the knee roll on early evidence.

10th over: England 41-0 (Crawley 21, Duckett 18) “Is it morning time?!” bellows my three year old. Trouble incoming. Not for England, yet. Three runs worked off Noman Ali without any drama.

9th over: England 38-0 (Crawley 18, Duckett 18) Crawley was presented with his 50th Test cap by his opening partner before the start of play. Their top order little and large act has been a huge success of the Stokes and McCullum era. Duckett uses his feet to get under a length ball and plops it over mid-off for four runs and adds to his collection with a drive through cover for two more.

8th over: England 32-0 (Crawley 18, Duckett 12) Pakistan are rattling through their overs, doing nowt for my sparkling OBO repartee. Just two Duckett singles to bookend Noman Ali’s latest as David Gower does his first laconic plug for a teabag/washing machine on the TV commentary. What a world.

7th over: England 29-0 (Crawley 17, Duckett 10) Seven runs off the over as Crawley nails another sweep off Sajid Khan and then clip for a couple more. England negotiating this slow and low pitch well thus far.

6th over: England 22-0 (Crawley 9, Duckett 11) Crawley slams a sweep to the fence and then cuts a shorter ball from Noman past point for a couple.

“Morning James” writes Neil Bowen

I’ve been up most of the night due to toothache and thought I might as well make the most of it and follow the first few hours. It’s been great to follow The BazBall era, previously the pain following England was of a much less physical kind. Anyway, looking forward to 500 plus runs today.”

Russ Wheedon has your TMS overseas link:

“Looking forward to seeing what havoc has been wreaked by the hairdryers”

https://youtube.com/live/MTYq_NJTdRg?si=_IPDA9Rw4pf0XFkD

5th over: England 15-0 (Crawley 5, Duckett 9) Shot! Duckett unfurls a cover drive that pings across the outfield for four. The pitch is playing very low. Some balls shooting through at ankle height, Nasser Hussain says that is the more eye-catching aspect of the wicket, rather than the turn, from the early exchanges.

4th over: England 8-0 (Crawley 3, Duckett 4) Here come the sweeps! Duckett attempts a reverse but is too soon on it, under edging into his pads. A regular sweep is mistimed too, England’s openers trying to get a read on this pitch in real time.

3rd over: England 6-0 (Crawley 3, Duckett 2) Sajid darts them in. Duckett defends and then pokes a single off the fifth ball. Crawley tries a big sweep and misses! Big appeal but he got himself outside the line and Pakistan do not review. It looks a slow pitch with very little pace and bounce. There is turn but it is a gripping turn rather than a spitting turn, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

2nd over: England 5-0 (Crawley 3, Duckett 1) Noman Ali shares the new ball and is clipped off the pads for three runs by Crawley. England off the mark with the bat. Duckett shovels to midwicket and they scamper a single. Less turn for Noman but a probing over still. No sign of an English sweep shot yet.

1st over: England 1-0 (Crawley 0, Duckett 0) Sajid Khan to start the Test with the ball in hand. Big turn! The first ball grips and turns sharply but without much bounce, sliding past Zak Crawley and the keeper, England get off the mark by scampering a bye. Now then! Duckett is beaten on the outside edge by a beauty. Ominous…

Pakistan are huddling under hazy skies. Out stroll the umpires and here come Messrs Duckett and Crawley. Right then, I have no idea what the next few hours will hold, a glut of runs or a slew of wickets? Something in between the two? Only one way to find out – let’s PLAY!

“Morning James, loved the invigoratingly breathless preamble and a David Bowie reference to boot. How will this wicket adapt to the changes sought by the Pakistan authorities and can it last the full five days never mind five years? Let’s dance.”

I see your ‘invigoratingly breathless’ and raise you a ‘squintingly panicked’ but cheers all the same, Brian Withington.

Solidarity to David Fletcher who takes the first email of the Test award.

“Hi James, of course I’m in bed…"

Unfortunately it’s (a) in hospital and (b) attached to a compressed air thingy that sets off a most-disappointing-ever-party-popper alternately in compression socks on a cycle lasting 44 seconds.

Oh. And the drugs.

Like all good England cricket fans I’m at heart an ironist so have whiled away the small hours binge watching Dopesick but now the iPad has run out of juice so I’m rather excited there’s only 20 mins before play starts.

If we could make this a full five days I’d be very grateful as on medical advice I need to spend the next five days either in bed or propped up on the sofa. Can you sort please?”

Consider it done. Good to have you with us David, England’s batters should be able to take your mind off things for the next few *hours at least.

*Or days. Or minutes. Delete as applicable.

Nasser Hussain and Mike Atherton report from the ground that the pitch actually looks like a belter and despite all the paraphernalia – the patio heaters, the fans and the scarifiers, it should produce runs and then some, especially in the first couple of days. It’ll crack and break up at some point, how much remains to be seen. [Insert gag about four early starts in a row when back from latest coffee]

Some Stokes Quotes:

The toss is imminent. Ben Stokes will keep his poker face no matter the way the coin falls.

“The toss out in the subcontinent, plays a bigger role than anywhere in the world. I don’t think we’re going to have as extreme conditions as the game goes on: it will be a day-one wicket when we start, not day six.”

England have teenage leg-spinner Rehan Ahmed in their XI as part of a three pronged spin attack with Joe Root up the sleeve. Here’s what England’s captain had to say yesterday on the young lad:

“Adding Rehan’s free spirit and desperation to change the game every time he’s got the ball in his hand is a massive bonus for us this week,” Stokes said, while discarding the relevance of his quiet season for Leicestershire. “Leg spinners have an amazing ability to break a game open… You’d rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”

Understood? Incidentally the pitch is full of known unknowns and unknown knowns. I mean, the thing has had two industrial fans on it for the last week and has reportedly been raked, RAKED I tell you!

‘I was not involved in decision-making, I was just there’

Jason Gillespie giving off strong husband dragged to Ikea on a wet Bank Holiday energy in this one.

Nothing to see here… apart from a nosebleed inducing amount of runs: