WHERE EAGLES BARE

Football Daily has had no previous call to delve into the murky world of pen!le prostheses [prosthesii? – Football Daily Ed] and is already worried about what might happen the next time it has cause to seek advice from Big Website’s IT department. But given the rabbit hole of unpleasant sights that today’s story out of Lazio has sent us down, it seems not everyone is quite so coy when it comes to internal improvements.

Having undergone an intimate below-stairs procedure on Saturday in a bid to improve his performance between the sheets, 56-year-old Juan Bernabe proudly showcased the result of his surgery (risks include mechanical failure and erosion, according to Football Daily’s exhaustive research) through the medium of photos and videos on social media abominations. Quite apart from the fact that he opted to do so six full weeks before medical advice dictates the Spaniard should give his new implant an official test run, his eagerness to show it off meant he was promptly fired from his role at the Serie A club.

His job? The handler of Olimpia, the white-headed eagle who has served as club mascot for almost 15 years and whose flights over the Stadio Olimpico before home games have made the majestic bird of prey a firm favourite of supporters. “The club is aware of the pain the absence of the eagle will cause the fans but it has become impossible to associate our historical symbol with such [an] individual,” chirped Lazio in a statement which declared Bernabe had been dismissed with immediate effect “due to the seriousness of his conduct”. In his defence, Bernabe claimed his decision to showcase his new big deal was no big deal, telling Radio24 that “nudity is normal, I grew up in an open-minded, naturist family”.

While Lazio’s club overlords are perfectly entitled to their opinion on what does and does not extend beyond the bounds of decency when it comes to club employees, it is rather interesting to note where they draw the line. Three years ago, Bernabe was only suspended for his salute of a different kind on camera at the end of a match against Inter. Holding Olimpia and dressed in full Lazio kit, the handler was filmed by fellow fans as he gave a straight-armed fascist salute while chanting “Duce! Duce!” in memory of Benito Mussolini, founder of the National Fascist Party who ruled Italy from 1922 to 1943 before meeting a grisly end at the hands of partisans in 1945. “I did it and I don’t regret it because I admire Mussolini, he did great things for Italy as Franco did for Spain,” parped Bernabe, whose far-right views only earned him a temporary ban from home games. Little did he know at the time, it would take some considerably harder views to earn him his P45.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“There’s no other league that’s more competitive and that’s why the best players want to be here. So we’ve done a lot in a short time, and I still think we’ve got more to go. I think adding more teams will make the game even more exciting” – former England captain Steph Houghton has taken the phrase “grow the game” literally, calling for more teams to be added to the WSL dozen.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

Re: Football Daily managing to fail Nigel Waterfield’s challenge within the very next edition (yesterday’s Football Daily) is the most Football Daily thing ever. Is there a term for it? Football Dail-sy?” – Dean Whearty.

Congratulations on your incredibly accurate impersonation of a grumpy old man shouting at clouds (yesterday’s Football Daily). The funniest thing you’ve written in ages. Why not enrage everyone by combining the replay and football technology, then make both managers settle ties via the medium of Football Manager (or EA Sports FC for da kids). I’m sure Amazon would pay bajillions to stream the fixtures. Keep up the good work” – Martin McGrath.

Go and get a decent job” – Karen Bevan.

Here’s a wild idea. After the death of the replay (yesterday’s Football Daily), could we not syphon off some of the Premier League’s significant funds to have a separate FA Cup pot that awards clubs from League One downwards a bonus if they reach extra time against teams from a higher division? Sliding scale, based on how large the pyramid gap is, £5,000 a place. Tamworth, for instance, would have made £450,000 without a replay” – Phil Raynor.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Phil Raynor. Terms and conditions for our competitions – when we have them – can be viewed here.

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